Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Clarity in a Jeep YJ
Okay, so I guess some clarification is in order. My definition of "submissive" is NOT the weak, timid woman who lets her man walk all over her, belittling her and making all her decisions for her. That is not what I meant. At all. I mean, I have a brain and I like to use it. I have an identity and I'd like to keep it!! I truly believe that relationships are an equal partnership. I guess I meant my heart. Over the years, my heart has become hard and bitter. It does not trust. It is a skeptic. Sometimes I'm afraid my heart doesn't know how to love anymore (well, in the man vs. woman sense.) I ache for someone who can take my heart and protect it. I ache for the opportunity to trust someone enough to give them my love. And, I have met my share of christian men who were - for lack of a better word - assholes. They suffer from their own God complexes, their own issues - most of which are actually their inability to love, their emotionally void hearts and minds. They hide behind their religion and their bible, and they use it as an excuse. So, notice I was very careful to say I was looking for a GODLY man. Not a religious man, not a christian man, a Godly man. I despise what religion has become just as much as the next guy. Mr. 1st Crush just opened my mind to a different way of thinking. Or maybe it's the way I've always thought, and I just had the good fortune to have a man validate my beliefs. I love having men as friends. They offer such a different perspective on absolutely everything. Most of the time it's totally warped, but every now and then they surprise me. LOL! I was on the skytrain last night on my way home. It was midnight, so there are always weirdos, okay...not fair...there are always 'interesting' people. This gorgeous guy gets on. Gorgeous. Beautiful broad shoulders, tanned golden skin, tall and dark, just like I like 'em. And the guy doesn't even check me out. Not once. Usually I get a glance (I'm just saying...), but this guy, Nothing. We get off at the same stop. I get in my little Kia Spectra, and he gets into his...wait for it...yellow Jeep YJ. Yep, he was gay. Ugh, you know they say that the majority of single men in the lower mainland are gay. That severely lowers my odds of finding 'the one'...case in point...even on the skytrain. So, I guess this should make me feel good, right? It's not me...well, okay, it is me...but it's my gender...not my mind, that the majority of men don't like. Oh, I feel so much better.