Wednesday, December 7, 2011

The Cost of Dating

I went on a date a few weeks back.  It was so memorable and fascinating and life changing that it took me three weeks to write about it.  In other words, it was dull.  It was almost painful...

Me: So, did you grow up here?

Him:  Ummmmmmm, ya.  I guess so.

Me:  Do you like to travel?

Him: Ummmmmmmm, no.  Not really.

Me: Oh, have you traveled anywhere before?

Him:  Ummmmm, no.  

I wasn't exactly asking hard hitting questions that required a whole lot of thought.  I wasn't asking about his thoughts on life after death.  If someone asks me where I was born I can answer in like 5 seconds and don't even need to buy time by humming and hawing about the answer. I know where I was born.  

My other peeves:  He didn't ask anything about me.  He got there early, and ordered a drink only for himself.  He made no attempt to pay for my drink.  He was really eager to talk about his ex-wife and her new boyfriend.  He only sees his kids every other weekend and they live like 10 minutes from him.  He buys old cars and rebuilds them.  He has four cars in his mother's driveway.  Two major red flags as far as I'm concerned.  He didn't look a thing like his profile pictures.  And he was boooooooooring.  

The whole 'date' lasted just about an hour.  I talked the whole time.  Now, I love to talk and I can talk up a storm, but I need an eager audience. I want them to hang on my every word, not stare out the window dreaming of their car's engine.  I enjoyed the Pumpkin Spice Latte though, even if I did have to pay for it myself.

I assumed that I would never hear from him again and I was totally okay with that, but the next morning I received a text asking if I wanted to meet for dinner later that week. Unfortunately my schedule was a little hectic and I couldn't fit Mr. Boring in...

This was a step up from the guy I met at the pub the weekend before.  I think that alcohol should be banned while looking for Mr. Right, because every guy is Mr. Oh-All-Right after a few drinks.  This guy was Irish, so he had a really neat accent.  I couldn't understand a word he was saying, but the words just rolled off his tongue.  It was fascinating.  

I think I may have agreed to a thing or two without really understanding what, seeing as how he got really quite angry with me when I told him I wasn't going home with him.  He was borderline abusive, pinching me and kicking me in the ass.  We shared a cab to his place where he got out, tried to talk me into staying by telling me he'd "kill me if he didn't fancy me so..." and stormed off with the money I had given to the taxi driver in addition to leaving me with a $90 cab ride.  Yes, all in all my cab ride cost a hundred dollars.  Even the taxi driver felt bad for me when we had to stop at the bank so I could get more money to pay him. 

Yes, dating has been an expensive experience for me.  I can't afford another date until next payday.  And I'm not sure that there is any guy that I'm interested in who is interested in me...does that make sense?  The men who are attracted to me are middle eastern and old.  They're probably not even really attracted to me as much as they're seeing a desperate woman who will be swayed by their bank accounts.  For the record, I will not be swayed by bank accounts...

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