Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Libia vs. Labia vs. Libya.

I had this really embarrassing social network situation the other day.  We all know I try to avoid the "News" in all its forms because it's just so depressing.  Usually I get as much as I need to know to keep me going through life from Yahoo News one liners.   With Yahoo, I can be selective with my news.  I can, for instance, bypass the story of the some pissed off guy who takes a machine gun to college and instead read the one about the woman who gave birth on an airplane so they upgraded her to first class.  See, so much less depressing, right?

Okay so back to Facebook, I write as my status:  'Just found out Gadahfi is dead.  Yay Libia!!'

So one friend writes:


And then I think...Did I spell Gadahfi wrong too?  I bet I put the 'H' in the wrong place....sure enough, I'm corrected on that too.

In my defense, I was super conscious of not spelling LABIA, so I think I over compensated by forgetting the 'Y' completely.  Of course, spelling *Libia* isn't half as embarrassing as writing Labia...but I looked super ignorant, and I dislike looking anything other than perfect and smart.  Gadhafi isn't exactly Smith or Jones and I'm pretty sure the 'H' is silent, so I could have put it anywhere and it would still be silent, right?  

So, I decided to make a conscious effort to listen/watch/read more news and this is what I have filled my pure, innocent *ahem* mind with....

1.  In Ohio, a man who owns an exotic animal zoo opens all the cages then kills himself.  The animals, lions and tigers and a monkey with herpes - 40 animals in total - were shot dead by police because they're "not equipped  to deal with animals..."

2.  A 10 month old baby girl goes missing from her bed in the middle of the night and her mother is the prime suspect.  They're currently looking in abandoned wells in the area.

3.  There was a horrific earthquake in Turkey where at least 1000 people lost their lives.  One man lost his mother, wife and four children.  Can you imagine anguish like that?

And there were other ones, but I've evidently blanked them all out of my mind due to their graphic, sad nature because I cannot remember anymore.  They were really gruesome though, I remember being thoroughly shocked.  I remember thinking, "this is why I don't read the news!"

I don't want to read about murders and missing babies and suicides and natural disasters.  I mean it's great that we're all pulling out of Iraq and I'm super stoked that Afghanistan might be next (or already happened, or....something....).  It's great that they're finding survivors in the rubble in Turkey.  

I think I'll continue to be selective with the stories I read...

Friday, October 7, 2011

Um...So...I'm Still Single......Still...

I can talk myself out of a relationship in less than 30 seconds.  Ergo I can talk myself out of dating in less than 20.  What can I say?  It's a gift.  I can look at a man and in less than a minute I know it won't work out and why.  We start out being all happy and in love and then something happens.  He's emotionally unattainable, he hasn't grown up, he's a player, a womanizer.  Oh, he has too much money, I would feel inferior.  Or not enough, and I am not gonna be any one's sugar momma.  He's got no work ethic, or he's a workaholic.  He's too *into* himself or he just doesn't care enough.  I create for myself a whole elaborate story about why it won't work, and then here's the problem...I believe it.  I can dissect a man's character, beliefs, morals and values in less time than it takes to pee based on an impression that I make up in my head.

Do you think this is a problem?

More importantly, do you think I have a problem?

Because we all know it's not these men.  Logically, I get that.  It's not their problem.  It's my problem.  I mean, I'm sure they have problems...I just don't think that I can determine what they are in such a short period of time.  There is no possible way that I can know the deep intricacies of a man by taking one look at them.  There is no possible way that so many men can be as horrible as I think they all are.  

Can they?

They're either too needy, or don't (uh, won't) need me enough.  They're either too religious or not spiritual enough.  They're too short, too tall, too skinny, too something.  They're too serious or not serious enough.  They're too aloof.  They're too young, they're too old.  They won't love Quinn, or maybe they won't be a good role model for him.  I bet their toes are ugly and their feet smell.  And is that a hangnail?  Don't they know men can get manicures now too?  What about that eyebrow?  It needs to become two.  

In reality, we all know that just because he hasn't had a pedicure in 35 years does not mean he's a horrible person. In reality, I cannot be making rash decisions about any one person's character based on absolutely nothing.  

I need to shut my brain down for a while.  Stop over analyzing the shit out of things and just put myself out there.  Give people a chance and hope they can do the same for me.  My stomach has been in knots all week, dating crappy men in my head that don't even exist.  Talking myself out of something that might be really, really wonderful.

I don't want to be the crazy cat lady 10 years down the line.  I mean, I would be now if it weren't for the fact that I have a child and should probably keep it all together until he becomes old enough to take care of himself.  Well, that and I live with my mom.  And she's allergic to cats.  

It would be really, really nice to be in a relationship.  It would be really nice to even just date someone.  It would be super cool to feel attractive again and have a reason to get out of my sweat pants.  It would be nice to get out of my head and into the real world. 

The real issue here is probably my ridiculous fear of failure.  Everything in my life is going so well.  I'm happy.  Why push the envelope?  Why risk failure when everything in my life is so great right now?

Because something is missing.  

Someone is missing.  

I don't want a fairy tale.  A prince would be nice.  But really, I just want want to find my other half.