I found another grey hair last night.
I think part of what is so shocking when I find a grey hair is that I'm not actually looking for it. I'm usually doing my makeup and I'll see a glisten in the mirror out of the corner of my eye. A wiry glisten and I'll just know. "Oh no," I think. Not again.
And of course I'll pull it out but that doesn't mean it wasn't there in the first place.
Now I feel bad for all those times I told my mother I thought grey hair on a woman looked *distinguished*. What a load of BS. It looks old. That's what it looks like. Old. Dye those mo-fos...that's my new motto. Or the times I thought, "Wrinkles are just memories of laughter." Again, BULL. Wrinkles are signs that you squinted too much in the sun, or frowned. Your skin is not so forgiving because it is old and so now your skin remembers every little thing. I will most definitely consider Botox (when I can afford it).
It's another reminder that 35 is waiting for me right around the corner. It's another mid-life sign.
Despite that whole rant, I've had a little change of heart when it comes to my most recent *blah* phase. Yes I am older than I've ever been. But that's not going to change. Because now, I'm older than I was when I wrote that first sentence (geez, now I'm just freaking myself out).
I've had to remind myself of something very important that I happened to forget while in the midst of all this *old* turmoil.
Happiness is a Choice.
Just as whether I want to be a blonde or brunette is a choice, I have to choose my point of view. There are so many things in this life that can get you down...debt woes, self image problems, global warming, poverty, death...the list goes on and on. You (or I) can choose to focus on those things, or you (I) can choose to focus on the blessings. So there's a nasty rumour going around work about me (I know it's not true), so I'm a little bored at work (I can find challenges). I am right where I'm meant to be right now.
And so I choose to be happy. I choose to turn my frown upside down. I choose to be the change I wish to see in the world.
It's true that I've never been on a mission to Africa (like this book I'm reading right now, Kisses from Katie...I have permanent goosebumps from reading this woman's story. I highly, highly, highly recommend it. Like if you only read one book this year, read Kisses from Katie). It's true I've not pulled a drowning man from the ocean. It's true I've even witnessed a car accident and then driven away instead of giving my name as a witness (eeps, I still feel guilty about that one...) I can choose to be kind to everyone, giving to those who seem to deserve it the least, and willing to make a difference.
It's the small things that matter. Small things done with great love.
I don't want to justify doing NOTHING. Doing nothing is poor form when we're given this awesome experience called life. But I do want to remind myself, mostly, that not everyone can be a brain surgeon. Not everyone can run into a burning building and save a mother pregnant with triplets. Not everyone can thwart terrorist attacks or make decisions for a country.
Everyone can be kind. Everyone can be thoughtful. Everyone can be a listening ear.
I was getting so depressed because here I am working in mail. For as far as my eye can see, there are parcels. Boxes and boxes and boxes. None of the boxes are filled with hearts for transplant. Most of them are filled with purchases people bought on-line. Whatever. The point was I couldn't imagine anyone feeling called to work in a post office. How could I make a difference in the world in a post office? I started to think that no one really feels called to work in a gas station, either. No one feels the need to haul garbage for a living. Someone working in Tim Horton's probably didn't dream of serving coffee to people since they were little. There are jobs that need to be done in this world that don't necessarily seem important. It's not the job that matters, it is the attitude and care with which we do said job.
So I can do a mundane job. I can do a mundane job with a crappy attitude. Or I can do a so-so job with a crazy, out of this world happy attitude that immediately disarms people and tears down walls they've built up over the years.
I think the real tragedy would be missing out on those experiences.
And finding another grey hair.
That would also be a tragedy.