What's Pissing Me Off This Week

Seriously, for the most part I've been teary this week instead of angry.  Like when my sister in law told me they were going to start trying for a baby this year (which I already knew) and I started talking about how excited Auntie C was and almost started crying.  Then at dinner with my family (minus Q, he was at his dad's) I was talking about how when talking about when Q was just born, I refer to him as "the baby" because I've completely separated myself from that whole experience.  I have a hard time equating Q with the first 6 weeks of his life.  In that moment, in the middle of an Indian restaurant, surrounded by butter chicken, naan, and rice, I felt so robbed of that bonding experience I just wanted to cry.  It makes me even more sad knowing that I've pretty much made my mind up to not have any more biological children.  I mean, I'm not getting any younger, and life hasn't exactly handed me a supportive husband or anything...

 

But on Thursday, Q didn't get home from his dad's until almost 10 pm.  Q didn't have school the next morning, but I had to get up at 5 am to go to work.  Mr. Ex had taken Q ice skating with a friend (who did have school the next morning, so I can only imagine how his mother felt when he was dropped off...) which was fine, but I also found out that Mr. Ex had brought a *friend* of the female persuasion.  He ignored all my texts, phone calls and then got Q to call me to tell me they were *lost* (riiiiiiiight...the guy has an internal GPS and I've lived in the same friggen house for almost two years.)

 

So, this friend...her name is Katherine.  This is so super original...I wonder if she knows she's the third variation of Catherine since me?!?!  This would also be after an Em, Lynette, Denise, another name I'm forgetting and the ones I've not found out about.   I know what you're all thinking...you're wondering if I'm jealous.  I am not.  At all.  Mr. Ex can have 10 girlfriends all at the same time if he wants.  I am certainly not going to lose any sleep over that.  What I am super pissed about is that my son has met every single one of these woman.  Every. Single. One.  (side note: it's super embarrassing reading your ex's dating life in your child's school journal...totally we went to such and such with so and so, blah, blah, blah).  This pisses me off for more than one reason.  First of all, Mr. Ex is using my child as a dating *tool* to get laid.  "Oh look at what an awesome fun dad I am...."  No woman I know can resist that.  That's great, but how responsible of a father are you?  Keeping your child out way past his bed time so you can get some action?  How responsible is that? 

 

Not very.

 

The other reason this really, really pissed me off is because I'm afraid he's teaching my son that women are dispensable.  Who needs a life long partner when you can cycle women through your life one after the other?  Who needs to put the effort into a relationship when you can have exciting one night stands instead?   Monogamy is boring and infidelity is fun, fun, fun.  And okay, I get that Q is not internalizing word for word, but if this is the example he's always known...what else is there?

 

I was reminded by my mother that Mr. Ex has a lot of baggage that Q does not have.  Mr. Ex's mother died when he was 8, he was sent to boarding school and when he was home he had to live with a horrid stepmother.  Mr. Ex never learned how to connect on any level other than surface.  This is why he goes through women like other people go through underwear.  He is incapable of anything deeper.  Believe me.  I know this first hand.   

 

Q - he's going to be different.  Q has connections.  Q has a family. Q has me, and my mom and her husband, my brother and auntie Alice.  Each one of us in our own way are teaching Q about relationships and bonds and how to love on a deeper level.  We're teaching him that life long relationships are rewarding and worth the effort that is required.  We're teaching him about responsibility.  We're teaching him about love.  He is surrounded by people he has a connection with...his best friend J and his family, just to name one of the many that have been placed in Q's life, creating and nurturing a bond.

 

I know that Q is going to be alright. 

 

And that just makes me so emotional, I want to cry. 

 

And...if he does grow up to think that women are just a conquest...oh, there will be words believe you me...

 

I will grab him by the ear...