Saturday, January 23, 2010

Skytrain Theater

Sometimes I forget I'm not 'Supervisor of the World'...seriously.  Like this one time when I dropped Q off at Kindergarten and while we waited for the teacher to open the door, this (young) mom decided to kill some time by making out with her boyfriend.  I was this close to going up to them and telling their behaviour was not appropriate.  But then I talked myself out of it.  I just gave her the mother stare.  You know the one.  My mom had the greatest mother stare ever.  Whenever I got the stare, I stopped doing everything.  Sometimes I couldn't figure out what the stare was for, so the safest bet was to just stop doing everything...

Tonight was just like any other Friday night on the skytrain...crazy.  I had settled in nicely with my crossword when this guy starts pulling the backpack off one of my employees.  He starts yelling, "Hey Pedro, you want a lesson in etiquette?"  My employee just looked at him stunned.  This guy keeps pushing my employee and telling him how much he hates backpacks.  And he keeps calling him Pedro.  Which is hilarious.  My employee is middle eastern, but buddy thinks he's Mexican.  I think I shall call him Pedro from now on.

Within me wells this overwhelming need to 'supervise' the situation.   So.....I do. 

Side note:  I think I'm invincible when I'm in my supervisory uniform.  I don't know if it's the steel toed boots I wear or the thought that everyone respects a Canada Post supervisor.  Whatever the reason, I believe it.  And so far it's not been proven otherwise.  Ergo - Me = Invincible.  Woot woot!

I put down my crossword puzzle and, like the superhero I am, I jump in between the crazy backpack man and my employee.  "Listen, I am this man's supervisor, and part of my responsibility as his supervisor is to ensure his safety.  You will walk away now, or I will call the police.  Do you understand me?"

"F*** off, four eyes."  Replies backpack man.  (I am still laughing, hilarious.  You can't buy comedy like this!!)

"Dude,"  I say.  "Did you just call me four eyes?!?!?!?!"  This was sooooo funny for two reasons. Number one...I don't think I've been called four eyes since grade 3, and I will have you know I have very, very stylin' glasses.  Anne Klein glasses.  Just so you know.  The second reason this was sooooo funny to me was that he was wearing glasses. 

"F*** you."  He says again and wanders off to teach someone else a lesson in etiquette. 

It was only after I sat down that I realized what a stupid thing I had done.  What was I thinking?  What would I had done if he had decided to do something other than call me 'four eyes'.  Something like, oh I don't know...hit me, say....  Again, I do not supervise the world.  I should stick to my skytrain councilling sessions.

A few months back, I had the pleasure of meeting Jeanette.  A hilarious drunk young woman.  She was funny.  She walks up to this one girl and says, "I'm not gonna lie (she kept saying that, "I'm not gonna lie...") You look like Superwoman.  I'm diggin' it."  The funny thing was this girl did look like Superwoman.  Red dress, blue coat, and a yellow purse.  I almost laughed out loud.  Then Jeanette decides to talk to me.  "Do you love your job?"  "Nope."  I answer.  "I hate it."   She then decides to tell me how she hasn't 'found' herself and she doesn't know what she wants to do with her life.  I HATE talking to drunk people when I'm sober.  Especially drunk people who are pretending to be sober.  Especially when I've just been at work for 8 hours.  "Where do you work now?"  I ask.  "In a liquor store."  Did you know that the people who come into liquor stores are really cool?  Neither did I, until Jeanette told me.  Jeanette was really touchy feely too, and had no concept of personal space. 

What should she do, she wondered.  I'm not gonna lie.  I convinced this poor, drunk, space invading woman to stick it out at the liquor store.  "Maybe,"  I said "someone will walk in who just changes your life forever."   "Thank you."  She said, as she took my hand for the 10th time.  "I'm so glad I met you tonight.  You have just made me feel so good about my life.  I am where I'm supposed to be.  Thank you.  What's your name?"  Catherine, I tell her for the 10th time.  My name is Catherine....

Back to the crazy back pack the next stop the transit cops pulled him off.  Again, hilarious.  As he was being escorted away, he yelled, "I HATE BACKPACKS!!!!!!!!"  

1 comment:

  1. I can't believe the guy had glasses and called you "four eyes". HA! Maybe backpack guy and wonder woman would make a good couple.

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