Sunday, February 26, 2012

Another Date...

Determined to not be a single woman for the rest of my days, I decided to go on another *date* with someone I met on Plenty of Fish.  Someone had made it through the rigorous interview process and had impressed me enough to make it to the dinner round.  His profile was really well written.  I liked not only what it said, but how it was written.  It was strong, and kind and I thought this might be a guy I could maybe *possibly* get to know better.  There was only one picture that was a little blurry, but overall he didn't look unpleasant.  

There were signs.  We sent texts back and forth for a few days and while he was funny, I noticed that he started using "your" when "you're" was warranted.  But I let it go, figuring that he was using texting slang.  His profile was just so well written.  

How do I feel before a date?  I feel like throwing up.  I feel like turning the car around and driving home, leaving the poor sap to wonder why the hell I didn't show up.  It's so nerve wracking.  We could be soul mates!  He could be the man of my dreams.  How do meet someone like that without anticipation so intense you feel like puking?  It's a huge deal.  There is a lot of pressure.  But I resisted all urges to stand this guy up and I drove on.  

From the moment I saw this guy get out of his truck, I just knew there was no way I could date this guy.  I know.  It sounds horribly superficial.  But let me tell you, this guy couldn't be anymore red neck if he lived in a trailer park and worked as a...I don't know construction worker?  What kind of jobs do red necks do?  I don't  know, but he's a prison guard...that kind of fits the bill, doesn't it?  But he's super tall, bald, big shoulders, relaxed fix jeans, with...wait for it...cowboy boots.  He looked like a great big triangle.  He doesn't look at all like his super blurry picture.

But I'm a nice person.  And things like physical appearances, they don't matter.  What's inside...that matters.  So, I take a deep breath, tell myself he's already seen me and I can't run away, put on a huge smile and thank him as he holds the door open for me.  And as he pulls my chair out for me.  I was a little afraid he was going to order for me, too.  Not that it's not a nice gesture or's just that I make critical decisions that affect my life on a daily basis, I'm raising a child on my own...I think I can order my own food, you know...I'm not five.  So he didn't order for me...that was good.  As I'm staring at him, I realize he doesn't look very much like that picture on his profile.  Oh, and I am staring at him, because I'm thinking to myself..."Please...just find one thing you like about him.  He's really, really nice."  And I'm trying to suppress an anxiety attack, seriously.  I'm thinking, "How can I spend the rest of my life with this guy?  I can't.  I can't.  I'm going to have to break up with him.  Ugh.  What am I going to do?"

But then there's more signs.  The age on his profile and the numbers he's giving me aren't matching up.  He's at least 2 years older by my calculations ( math really sucks...).  He keeps referring to his *wife* in stories he's telling me, so I ask the question no one is supposed to ask on a first date - how long he's been divorced...because come on, no one refers to his *wife* like 5 times if he's been divorced for any amount of time, and he's over her.  If he's telling a story, he'll refer to his *ex-wife* or his *ex* or *that nasty b****, but not his wife - and get this...he's NOT divorced yet.  MmmmHhhhmmm, his said he was divorced.  I don't want a guy who still has papers to file, it's not over yet if you still have papers to file.  Then he says that his friend from work wrote his profile for him and sent off all these e-mails to people on POF.  See, so this makes sense.  The age discrepancy, the separated vs. divorced, the grammar and spelling inconsistencies.  I have a crush on the person (probably a woman...right?  Cuz a woman knows what a woman wants to hear...) who wrote his profile, not him.  

Dinner ends, he pays.  Walks me out to the car where he has flowers for me.  Again, like super nice, right?  He sends me a text later that night thanking me for a great night, and I thank him as which he responds, "Your welcome."  Nice.  That's not how you say it, dude.  It's you are welcome or you're welcome.  My son is learning this in grade two.  It's simple English.  It is not that difficult.     

Fast forward to the next day, sends me a text saying he's on his way to a union meeting because he likes to be informed...and me, I'm all sarcastic and joking, and I'm like, "Well, I guess if you consider propaganda being informed..."  and well, I haven't heard from him since.  

Phew.  That break up was super easy and relatively painless for me :)

But then I started to get angry with this guy.  He totally misrepresented himself.  And then I'm the one who's superficial for not giving him a chance.  I hate online dating.  It super sucks.  

And then I decided to take the pictures with my *unrealistically* blue eyes off my profile.  My eyes are grey.  They're not teal blue.  Evidently, no one's heard of Photoshop though...they all think they're real....

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