Return and Demise of Mr. (un) Fab

Oh my goodness, you guys!  Do you remember Mr. Fabulous?  From 2009?  Well, he started off as Mr. Fabulous...but very quickly turned into Mr. (un) Fabulous.  If you really feel like reading all the trials and tribs of Mr. (un) Fab, it all started April 2009 and ended roughly around August 2009, on ther right hand side, about half way down.

Okay, let me quickly remind you...

He had two boys from two different women (hey, I'm not one to judge but there was a lot of baby momma drama from his ex-wife and his ex-girlfriend).  He was fighting for full custody of the younger one because his ex-gf was denying him any visitation at all.

He was a momma's boy.  There were several occasions that he had to *cancel* on me because his momma had stopped by or he had to do something with/for his momma.

He had a story for everything.  Like everything.  And the stories were wildly entertaining and highly improbable.  Like the story about when he was in a motor cycle accident and he was flung 80 feet in the air, landed on his feet and was totally fine (he told it waaaaaay better than I, because he was a *story* teller).

He always had somewhere to be...other than with me.  And it was always, again, a crazy story that was so impossible to believe you had to question if maybe it was true, because who has the imagination to think up something that insane.  For instance, the time he stood me up because his neighbour was stabbed by his crazy ex-wife and Mr. (un) Fab was chosen to take the children for the night, while their father was in the hospital and the wife was in jail.  Seriously, I have so many questions about this....still...it just totally puzzles me.  He texted me from the back of a police cruiser at least twice.  At that point, you have to question whether he's a liar - who you don't want to be with - or if he really does attract that kind of *bad luck* - which is also not so appealing.

He had two cell phones.  His e-mail address was not his first and last name, but something completely obscure that would be impossible to pin on him.  His profile on POF (yes, I met him online) had no pictures until contact was made, and even then it was a little blurry. 

I ran into him in Costco.  And when I say I ran into him, I mean, I saw him and then ducked around a rack of women's jackets so he wouldn't see me (but I could still see him).  He was with a woman and two little girls.  They both looked grumpy.  Who were those children?  Where did he get them?  Hmmmmm...

Anywho....I hadn't spoken to him in years, because I flat out told him I thought he was married.  His behavior was not that of a single man looking for a woman to be his wife.  It was of a married man looking for a mistress.  I mean, who in their right mind would choose to hang out with their mother when they can hang out with their girlfriend? 

Recently, like about 6 months or so ago, when I went back on POF, he found my profile and we talked briefly.  He had won joint custody of his son, his mother was still very much in his life, and he very conveniently was working around the corner from where I work now.  AND his company got the contract to put the elevators in our new building.  Can you stay stalker?  Right?

Last week, Mr. (un) Fab came on strong.  Email after email...I regret letting you go, I miss you, would love to meet for lunch, blah, blah, blah.  Again, I was very blunt, yet as polite as possible.  I didn't have time to waste with someone who saw my views on religion as *juvenile* and who always had somewhere else to be.  I wished him luck in his search and expected that to be the end of it. 

But no, it's not the end. 

He sends this uber long email about how he is looking for a woman who has a strong faith and is searching for a church for the security it brings.  He even totally changed his way of talking, using words and phrases like 'be blessed' and crap like that. 

Then the next day, he sends another email saying he just can't let it go and could I please, please make time for him and a lunch date.  If for no other reason than *friendship*.  But, geez...nothing like beating a dead horse, ya know?

Huh?

I gotta be honest with you, if this were any other guy, I'd probably be sitting at the table right now waiting for him.  I mean, here is this guy who I know I have chemistry with, has two (?) adorable children and is a great parent to them.  He has a good job, strong family ties and says he is looking for a great church.  He seems to have everything I've ever wanted or asked for.  So why am I not super excited and planning my centerpieces for the wedding reception?

Because I have this really bad feeling.

If there is one thing I have learned recently, it's to follow my gut, my intuition.  If I have any misgivings about this guy, it's for a good reason and I should just let it go.  What may be perceived as his interest in me as a person, is most likely just the thrill of the chase.  We've been here before.  We've done this already.  It didn't work.  I wonder if it's just a game for him to see how far he can go before he gets caught.

Or...

What if my intuition is totally off and this guy is supposed to be my husband and I'm reading all the signs wrong?  What if he means all the things he says?  What if?  What if?  What if?  The thought has crossed my mind, but truthfully, I feel completely okay with walking away from him.  I don't feel as though I'm missing anything or walking away from the man I'm meant to be with.  I think if he were the husband meant for me, I would feel a little different.

My intuition wouldn't be sounding off alarms.  I'd be eager to return his emails and meet for lunch. 

Right?

Am I right?

Hello?

Seriously?  A little help here, folks...

6 Months

That's my limit.

Six months.

Then I'm done.

Done.

Done with the pictures.  Done.

Totally done with all the profiles.  All the dumb profiles that brag about how fabulous they are.

And I'm completely done with all the messages.  All those horrid messages that are meant to entice after two sentences.

It happens the same time, every time.  About six months after the online dating experiement, I decide that I just cannot handle it anymore.  I am sick of being hit on by men who cannot spell, who have not grown up, and who I am not looking for.

POF is like free dating for trailer park folk (no offence intended...) but I absolutely refuse to pay for it.  There is just something wrong with *paying* to meet a member of the opposite sex.  I'm not that desperate.  Yet....

I don't want to go out on anymore first dates with men I've met online and with men who look like nothing like their one, blurry picture.  I don't want to make small talk.  I don't want to get to know any more stranger men.  I mean, I'm a busy woman.  I'm a tired woman.  I like to come home, put my jammie pants on, pull out the chocolate, turn on the t.v. and veg out.  I get a little time to myself when Q is at his dad's.  And I like my *me* time.  I like spending time with myself.  I am thoroughly entertaining to myself.  I make myself laugh.  I'm fricken hilarious!  *Me* time is blogging time, sleeping time, reading time, take a minute out time.  I cherish it. 

The time I have with Q is so, so valuable.  Every day he grows and grows.  His feet are almost the same size as mine (mine are pretty small...)  But one day he will be a teenager and won't want to hang out with me, one day he'll be an adult and live on his own.  I want to drink in the time that I spend with him.  I love him so much, I love his little personality, I love spending time with him.  I'd rather spend time with him doing anything, rather than spending time with a complete stranger who may or may not pay for dinner.

Maybe I'll be ready to jump back into the online dating scene in another year or so, but until then, I'm just gonna chill with my life the way it is right now.  I love my life.  I love my family.  I love my child.  I am so blessed with abundance.  I want for nothing.  I am complete.

Instead of dating, I could:

drink coffee.  quietly.  yum

read. sigh

sleep. mmmmmmmm

Images courtesy of Pinterest

Part Three - What's in a Name

Welcome, once again, to my three part series in which we discuss online dating profiles.  First, we've spoken of the horrific pictures men place on their profiles, attempting to attract women (?) or as I like to think, other men.  Next, we talked about what their *about me* profile really says about them, if you're reading between the lines - and bitter like me.  Finally, today, we look at user profile names.  Arguably, this is the most difficult part of any profile.  It's the first thing anyone looking at your profile sees.  It's one word that has to describe you to a tee and be witty enough to attract your target audience.  It's a lot of pressure.  My own profile has a nice ring to it, says barely nothing about me unless you know me and is short enough to remember, should you care to.

Let's get right to it, shall we?  Any combination of numbers is usually a bad idea.  I know, you're thinking that would be the simplest and best decision, but take my word for it, it's not.  The reason is threefold...

1. You've chosen to use your birth year, yet you lied about your age, thinking you wouldn't be taking this thing seriously and now you are.  After two weeks you can't change your birth date, so the first impression you're giving every woman is that you are a liar...because who would be stupid enough to not know how old they are, right?
2. You thought it would be super funny to advertise your favourite sex positions with a number (aka: 69).  Guess what...grown women do not think this is funny.  At all.  No woman has ever looked a a profile with a man who's user name has 69 in it and thought, "Woot woot this guys is witty.  Look at his way with numbers.  I wonder if anyone else *gets* what he means!!" wink, wink.  Nope, we all think, "Grow up.  What are you, 14?  Next!"  Then there is the unfortunate circumstance when your birth year is 1969...and then you've killed two no no's with one stone.
3. The year you join.  Say you join in 2008, optimistic that in 6 months you will have met the love of your life, made an eHarmony commercial, and married on a beach in Mexico.  Unfortunately, this is the exception - and many spend years on and off dating sites, using the same handle used for years.  Years.  And now everyone knows you've been on POF for 4 years.  Way to go.  What is wrong with you?  Why do women NOT want to date you?  Are you a commitment-phobe?  Because now we know, right on the get go, that you've been single for at least 4 years...so there is definitely something wrong.

I've heard from a Sir Comsized, and I can assure you he was not British royalty.  He evidently received quite a bit of flack from women regarding his user name, because he referenced it in his *about me* stating that everyone takes things way too serious and why can't we all take a joke.  There was an Oral Den, hmmmm I wonder what he means...oh, wait...ewwwww!  There have been numerous profile names that include any number of phallic words, nicknames and even symbols, the first that comes to mind is Mr. P. Ness.  Two words gentlemen, Grow Up.  We (I) are not looking for frat humour.  We're looking for men to build a family with, plan for the future with, create a healthy relationship with, we're not looking for potty humour.  I mean, I find a fart joke just as funny as the next guy, but I don't want that to be the first impression I get from my *soul mate*, ya know?  I'm a mother, for crying out loud.  Would you talk to your mother like that?

And the list goes on: SkytrainShawn (doesn't own a car...takes public transit everywhere.  Probably because he can't afford a car, but why not make it a *socially responsible* thing to do instead), SpicyBlack (I'm not good with spices...), BlacknSolid (Hmmmmmm.....), Koooooooooooooldude (my brother got two ducks as pets when he was 10, he named them Cool and Dude.  Just sayin'), Flex-it (flex what?  I'm confused...), Meatman (he's a butcher?), Passionateheat (I doubt that very much...)  These guys would be better off taking the name of their first pet and the street they grew up on, which if you have never heard, is a great way to figure out what your stripper name would be, had you chosen that line of work.  Mine would have been Casey Grand...which you have to admit, kind of does sound like a stripper name, doesn't it?  But I digress, where do these guys come up with their names?

A rose by any other name is still a rose.  That may be so, but if you called a rose a smelly ashtray instead, no one would ever stop to smell them.  Instead, they'd all say, "Wow, look at that beautiful flower.  Too bad it smells like an old ashtray."  Even if it didn't, because names are just as much perception, as they are reality.  For what name do you want to be remembered?   

Part Two - About Me

Welcome to my three part series (it might be more...depending on whether something else strikes me as funny/ironic/pathetic in this whole online dating experience) on what to expect when you're online dating.  Today, we will look at what men say about themselves in their "about me" portion of their profile.  The funny thing about this is that a lot of men write what they think women want to hear.  Men have no idea what women want.  Most women don't know what they want...

There are two categories of profiles - those men who have the gift of gab and love to talk about themselves and those who couldn't be bothered to take the time to write anything at all.  One guy actually copied and pasted the obituary for Kim Jong-Il as his *about me*.  He probably thought he was being very funny.  But to me, I just thought he was wasting his time and mine.  Another guy who 'considered himself to be somewhat of a writer' spent 8 paragraphs narrating how we would meet....it started off something like, "It was a dark and stormy night" or "their eyes met from across a crowded room".  I can't really remember because I lost interest after the second sentence.  I don't want someones life story....okay, really I do...but I want the nutshell version, the Cole's notes.  How you grab my attention here determines whether I want to know more later on...

Every man is the same:  Easy going.  Likes to laugh.  Laid back. Funny. Hard working.  Every man likes the same things:  Sports.  Long walks.  Cuddling (riiiiight).  Movies.  Every man is looking for the same thing:  Pretty.  Nice. No drama (ps.  do you really think women know they're drama?  And that they'll read your profile and go, "oh darn, I'm high drama...on to the next"?  No, insane women do not know they're insane.) Open minded (ps. this is code for kinky sex, okay ladies...just breaking it down for you and keeping it real.  It does not mean they want to discuss politics while one of you plays the devils advocate.  It probably means a threesome.)  It makes me wonder.  If every man is looking for the same thing, why are there soooo many relationships that fail?  Or first dates that go nowhere?  Maybe it's because men don't really say what they're looking for, for fear women would never even give them the time of day.  Maybe...

Presantation ,is evrything.  Dont you think ?I ,for one know that right now your most likely looking atht e spelling errors and punctuation ,not so much what i"m saying .Not to mention , this is really hard to do . theres green and red all over this paragraph .  My computer is having a OCD panic attack . its screaming ,"you have spell and grammar check .woman." i"m having a ocD attack .And i do it right and then have to go back and make it incorrect .I cannot tell u how many profiles r written like this .  i lose all interest . compltetly .  obviously ,these people do not care to make a good impression .

And geez, there are a whole lot of bitter, jilted men out there.  Some of them don't have the filter to hide that in their profile.  They start with, "If you're looking for some guy to support your shopping habit, you can just keep looking." or "I had enough drama with the last woman I met on POF, so crazies need not apply".  One said, "If you need your guy to be taller than 5ft 6' and religious for you to be attracted, then keep looking because I don't need someone so superficial.  I won't even get started on the height, but come one...religious beliefs are not superficial, neither are cultural beliefs.  Gentlemen, we are putting our best selves forward here...no one wants a negative Nelly.  We've all got baggage, but the whole point is to keep it hidden deep down inside until the other person has fallen madly in love with you.  All kidding aside, I'm not exactly baggage free and I'll totally admit to being skeptical about this whole process, too but I'm not going to write all the negatives.  I'll save that for the first date.

So, in closing...keep it short, but not too short.  Not too depressing, but not to optimistic, either...a nice balance of realism.  Keep a nice balance of humor and sarcasm, vulnerability and strength.  Use your spell check - and your grammar check.  Heck, get someone to proof read if necessary.  But don't get someone else to write it, though....we'll find out.  Trust me.   

Super easy, right?

Part One - Pictures

Ugh.

Let me tell you that if you're looking for a man who cannot write complete sentences, has enough back hair to pass for a sweater, and does drugs *socially* I have found the man for you.  In fact, I have found several. 

Evidently, Plenty of Fish thinks that I'm an uneducated stoner because this is the type of man  I am matched up with.  Every few days I scroll through pictures of men who Plenty of Fish says I match with - men who do not know the difference between you're, your, there, their and they're, too, two, and to - you get the picture.  One man said a first date would be dependent on what the parsons want.  Why should they have a say in it?  Unless he didn't know how to spell person - in which case, that's just really sad.

I'm gonna break it down for you...if you're considering placing a profile on any dating website, I now consider myself to be an expert on what to expect.  I can lead you through this, so you're not shocked out of your mind when you realize what is out there.  It's not just you.  Unless, it's just me.  And that's a little depressing, so I'm going to ignore that.  I think I've done enough *research* to know that the following list has been compiled after searching many, many profiles.  Ya know, for research...

I will start with pictures, because this has been my greatest source of humour.  Now, I know this sounds really mean, because lets face it, these guys are people.  They have feelings.  And I don't want to be going around making fun of people if it's mean spirited.  If, however, it is considered to be a study on human nature, we can all agree that it's not mean.  Right?  Right.  If you're presenting your best self, one would think you'd want to present your...best...self.  That's not too difficult to understand, is it?  Because this is going to be some one's first impression of you.  Whether we like to admit it or not, first impressions are uber important to all of us.  So, if you put a picture of yourself in a wife beater with dark sunglasses, a baseball hat, holding a can a beer - what do you think women are going to deduce from this???  That you're a great conversationalist?  Okay, so maybe you like camping - but is anyone ever their *best self* while camping?  No, no I don't think so. 

I've decided that men put pictures on their profile that are supposed to attract other men, not women.  To be fair, maybe women do the same, but I've not spent hours scrolling through other women's profiles.  I see the picture of a guy fishing.  How is that supposed to attract me?  How?  Oooooh, look how yummy that man looks with a 5 pound trout in his hands or look how he can provide for a family.  No, to me it says two things.  First of all, it says "I have hobbies that are time intensive and you have to be okay with that."  It's setting up for future fights..."but babe, you knew this about me before we started dating.  I like to fish.  I fish a lot.  It was one of the pictures on my profile.  This isn't new, but now you have a problem with it."  Secondly, that picture says, "dude....did you see the size of that fish?  Who da man?Oh ya...I'm the man." 

Then you've got the picture of the dude taking his own picture - shirtless in the bathroom with his camera phone.   This puzzled me for some time, because I couldn't figure out why some guy couldn't just ask his friend or family member to take the picture of him with his uhhhh, six pack (or somewhere close to that if you look really, really close...) but then I realized how embarrassing it must be to ask someone to take a nearly nude picture of you flexing your somewhat muscles to put on an online dating web site.  Uh, how lame are you, right??  I could see why that's not such a good idea unless you like to be mocked at Christmas gatherings and such.  Here's a little secret...I don't need to see a picture of your pecs before I date you.  Do you walk up to a woman in the coffee shop, pull up your shirt to show her your abs and then give her your number?  No, you don't.  That's like a second or third date kinda deal.  So do yourselves a favour and leave that photo out.  You just look pathetic and lonely no matter how big your muscles are...

There is the picture of the the dude with his arms around two beautiful, buxom women.  Of course, they all have drinks and they're all smiling.  This picture also says two things (and whoever said a picture is worth a thousand words was really, really smart!!) to me.  It says either "women love me and are attracted to me, so you should be too" or it says "I have many, many women friends and you have to be okay with that if you want to be with me."  Either way, it's their subconscious way of pushing women away as far I'm concerned.  You're still playing stupid games and you're not ready to settle down.  Why don't you date one of them?  I'm not a jealous person by nature, but I see the guy I'm dating drunk and hanging all over some women...I'm not going to be okay with that...and neither should you.

They have lots and lots of friends...look here's a picture to prove it.  Again, a good way to fend off future arguments.  "Well, you knew that I was really close with my buddies, babe.  It was no secret."  And the fact that he goes out with his friends every other night and puts them before you all the time...that's more than just a picture.  But I don't know, maybe that's just me.

Men, they like their cars.  They like their trucks.  They like their motorcycles.  I get that.  It's good.  But do they have to put a picture of their car on their profile?  Is that supposed to make me more attracted to them?  Ooooooh, look at that Chevy Cavalier!  That's hot.   This guy is a keeper.  A keeper!!  I like my curling iron, but do I put a picture of it on my profile?  No.  No I do not.  I have a fabulous pair of new stilettos, but they're not on my profile, either.  Because men don't care about that kind of shit.  Just like I don't care to see a picture of your dirt bike. 

These are the pictures that come up most.  There are others too, that are a little more random.  There's the picture of them with their pets (the softer side), skiing or snowboarding (FYI...everyone loves doing that...except me....), the alcohol induced photos (I don't care to see you drunk...not a good first impression), the side profile (obviously they're hiding the ugly side...), the pictures of the extreme sports (um, no thank you).

Maybe it's wrong, maybe it's horrible of me.  I'm profiling the profiles, hahaha.

Another Date...

Determined to not be a single woman for the rest of my days, I decided to go on another *date* with someone I met on Plenty of Fish.  Someone had made it through the rigorous interview process and had impressed me enough to make it to the dinner round.  His profile was really well written.  I liked not only what it said, but how it was written.  It was strong, and kind and I thought this might be a guy I could maybe *possibly* get to know better.  There was only one picture that was a little blurry, but overall he didn't look unpleasant.  

There were signs.  We sent texts back and forth for a few days and while he was funny, I noticed that he started using "your" when "you're" was warranted.  But I let it go, figuring that he was using texting slang.  His profile was just so well written.  

How do I feel before a date?  I feel like throwing up.  I feel like turning the car around and driving home, leaving the poor sap to wonder why the hell I didn't show up.  It's so nerve wracking.  We could be soul mates!  He could be the man of my dreams.  How do meet someone like that without anticipation so intense you feel like puking?  It's a huge deal.  There is a lot of pressure.  But I resisted all urges to stand this guy up and I drove on.  

From the moment I saw this guy get out of his truck, I just knew there was no way I could date this guy.  I know.  It sounds horribly superficial.  But let me tell you, this guy couldn't be anymore red neck if he lived in a trailer park and worked as a...I don't know construction worker?  What kind of jobs do red necks do?  I don't  know, but he's a prison guard...that kind of fits the bill, doesn't it?  But he's super tall, bald, big shoulders, relaxed fix jeans, with...wait for it...cowboy boots.  He looked like a great big triangle.  He doesn't look at all like his super blurry picture.

But I'm a nice person.  And things like physical appearances, they don't matter.  What's inside...that matters.  So, I take a deep breath, tell myself he's already seen me and I can't run away, put on a huge smile and thank him as he holds the door open for me.  And as he pulls my chair out for me.  I was a little afraid he was going to order for me, too.  Not that it's not a nice gesture or anything...it's just that I make critical decisions that affect my life on a daily basis, I'm raising a child on my own...I think I can order my own food, you know...I'm not five.  So he didn't order for me...that was good.  As I'm staring at him, I realize he doesn't look very much like that picture on his profile.  Oh, and I am staring at him, because I'm thinking to myself..."Please...just find one thing you like about him.  He's really, really nice."  And I'm trying to suppress an anxiety attack, seriously.  I'm thinking, "How can I spend the rest of my life with this guy?  I can't.  I can't.  I'm going to have to break up with him.  Ugh.  What am I going to do?"

But then there's more signs.  The age on his profile and the numbers he's giving me aren't matching up.  He's at least 2 years older by my calculations (although....my math really sucks...).  He keeps referring to his *wife* in stories he's telling me, so I ask the question no one is supposed to ask on a first date - how long he's been divorced...because come on, no one refers to his *wife* like 5 times if he's been divorced for any amount of time, and he's over her.  If he's telling a story, he'll refer to his *ex-wife* or his *ex* or *that nasty b****, but not his wife - and get this...he's NOT divorced yet.  MmmmHhhhmmm, his profile...it said he was divorced.  I don't want a guy who still has papers to file, it's not over yet if you still have papers to file.  Then he says that his friend from work wrote his profile for him and sent off all these e-mails to people on POF.  See, so this makes sense.  The age discrepancy, the separated vs. divorced, the grammar and spelling inconsistencies.  I have a crush on the person (probably a woman...right?  Cuz a woman knows what a woman wants to hear...) who wrote his profile, not him.  

Dinner ends, he pays.  Walks me out to the car where he has flowers for me.  Again, like super nice, right?  He sends me a text later that night thanking me for a great night, and I thank him as well...to which he responds, "Your welcome."  Nice.  That's not how you say it, dude.  It's you are welcome or you're welcome.  My son is learning this in grade two.  It's simple English.  It is not that difficult.     

Fast forward to the next day, sends me a text saying he's on his way to a union meeting because he likes to be informed...and me, I'm all sarcastic and joking, and I'm like, "Well, I guess if you consider propaganda being informed..."  and well, I haven't heard from him since.  

Phew.  That break up was super easy and relatively painless for me :)

But then I started to get angry with this guy.  He totally misrepresented himself.  And then I'm the one who's superficial for not giving him a chance.  I hate online dating.  It super sucks.  

And then I decided to take the pictures with my *unrealistically* blue eyes off my profile.  My eyes are grey.  They're not teal blue.  Evidently, no one's heard of Photoshop though...they all think they're real....

Oh Yes...Now I Remember

Less than a week on Plenty of Fish (or POF) and I am reminded why I loathe Plenty of Fish.  It's a horrible way to meet men.  Horrible.  I've had a handful of emails from men without pics and when I ask, they say they're *new* to POF and haven't had a chance to upload any.  This is a bunch of bullshit, just in case you're wondering.  It doesn't take that long to upload a few pictures.  It is NOT superficial, wanting to know what someone looks like.  That's what separates friends from lovers, isn't it?  A physical attraction to someone.  And don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for drop dead gorgeous, because as far as I'm concerned super hot guys have a whole other set of issues I don't even want to get into.  Not to mention, different people find different qualities attractive...but that's the whole point, at least let's get a look at what you've got to offer and let ME make the decision.  I think blind people even (can you believe I just wrote "look for"...gasp!!!) seek some sort of physical attraction to their mate...whether it be the softness of their skin, or the texture of their hair.  Gah!!  Physical attraction is important, people and don't try to make me feel guilty for admitting to it.

Then there are are the men with the pictures.  You've got the picture with the truck and the really big tires.  You've got the picture with the friend's child (cuz they know women are suckers for that kind of shit).  You've got the picture with the fish...seriously does every guy fish???  You've got the picture with the dog.  You've got the party picture where they're either drunk or hanging off some booby woman.  I like it when they've blacked out the woman's face...dude, you don't have one friend who can take one pic of you without your ex-girlfriend/fling/whatever?  And then you've got the picture they've taken of themselves in the bathroom mirror where they're flexing.  Every man has this picture.  Every single one.  

And does every single guy in the lower mainland like running and rock climbing and skiing?  I'm sure you are wondering.  Well, I will tell you.  Yes.  Every single effing man in the lower mainland likes to climb mountains and ski (or snowboard) down them.  I am not kidding.  Where's the guy who watches movies on the couch in his jammies?  Cuz he's the one I'm looking for.  Where's the one who likes to read and do crossword puzzles? He's not on Plenty of Fish.  Seriously, who knew men were so *active*?

The biggest problem is that the guys I'm interested in are not interested in me ("good luck in your search" they say) and the ones interested in me are just plain creepy.  Like really creepy.  Like shaved head, tattoos everywhere and overweight...and mustaches, now I come to think of it.  What is with the mustaches??  I've actually had one marriage proposal from a really creepy guy.  It was really nasty.  

What's proper etiquette?  If you're super grossed out by some guy should you still send him a reply when he e-mails you?  What if you read his profile and you have nothing in common?  I think it just opens the door for more conversing, but it does feel a little mean just ignoring them.  Especially when they keep on emailing...

I, for one, like the process of writing back and forth.  The written word can just be so powerful and to find someone who can write and be witty and funny and meaningful at the same time is just so rare and exciting to find.  I love the banter.  I love the getting to know someone.  I love "You've Got Mail".  I think it's my favourite chick flick. The anticipation of finding an email filled with words for your eyes only.  It's got to be the sexiest thing ever.  

But I really must go..."Electrician4U" just sent me a message...and he looks...well....normal....

Wish me luck...fingers crossed!!

Single White Female Seeks...

After yet another mildly depressing episode whereby I developed a crush on someone who, of course, was not interested back, I have decided that something has to change.  First, I'd just like to say that this guy really did check most of the boxes on my list.  Tall, funny, single (I know, right?), super nice guy, a manly man.  He didn't have a British accent, though...it might be asking a lot...especially seeing as how I live in Canada, but I'd really like a man with a British accent.  Anyways, for whatever reason (uh...he's crazy?) he's not into me.  He was putting all the signs out there, too, guys...I was so sure he was into me too.  It's probably for the best.  I was upset for an evening, but then I stopped being sad and decided to be happy instead.  I told myself this is not how this has to end.

I've basically resigned myself to the idea that I'm meant to be single for the rest of my life.  The completely irrational side of my brain says that I'm being punished and my punishment is never ever finding a man who will love me.  I'm comfortable too, in my single-ness and it's really very scary to me, the idea of meeting someone and embarking on something new.  It's so outside my comfort zone.  I would really be so happy if it could just be someone who I've known forever and suddenly I love them and they love me.  It just hasn't happened that way.

Meeting someone in the grocery store hasn't happened for me, either.  Nor has the doctor's office or the soccer field or waiting for my son to get out of school on a Friday afternoon.  Starbucks is great for coffee, but I've not met my soul mate while sipping a nonfat pumpkin spice latte.  The man of my dreams has not come up to me while I'm pumping my gas, and I'm beginning to think he most likely won't, either.  My hobbies are solitary hobbies...I like doing sudoku and crossword puzzles, I like reading.  Can you imagine how creepy it would be if some guy starts doing my sudoku puzzle over my shoulder?  Not to mention how annoying it is when you're reading a book and someone keeps interrupting you to "talk".  

Let's face it, if I'm not with Q I'm at work and if I'm not at work, I'm with Q.  This is how my life goes.  I'm not going to all of the sudden take up sky diving or rock climbing just to meet someone.  I don't like to ski, and doing so just to find a mate seems even less appealing.  I'll sit by the fire and drink coffee and read a book in the lodge...but please don't interrupt me while I'm reading....

Ugh

So, I've joined Plenty of Fish again.  I know, I know...I said I never would.  But I don't know how else to meet someone.  It's like on line shopping, you can check out everything you need before you order it.  I can pick all the qualities I want, and if they have just even one thing I don't like, I can completely veto them without a second thought and without feeling guilty for hurting their feelings.  And men can do the same to me, for that matter.  My brother and his *fiancee* met through a dating site.  Why can't I?  And I'm not paying for it this time, so that's uh....different from last time...

Whether it works or whether it doesn't, at least I'm doing something to change the way the story ends.  I don't have to be single for the rest of my life.  Being single, really, is a choice I've made as a result of my actions.  It's a punishment I've given myself for whatever reason.  Guilt, maybe?  Fear possibly.  If you continue to do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got.  

So I'm super picky, so I'm freaked out of my mind, so it's completely out of my comfort zone, maybe it's a step in the right direction.  And if not, then hopefully it'll be good for the blogging, especially since I've been totally lacking in subject matter lately.  So, I'm not even doing this for me people...I'm doing it for you.  

You're welcome.

Geez...the things I do for your guys...