Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Things I Would Tell My Daughter (if I had one...)

You know, now that I'm almost 35 I just feel like I have so much...wisdom. 

Did you laugh? I know I did.  If I had been drinking milk I would have snorted it out my nose.  But seriously, if I had a daughter I would tell her so many things that I know now.   Or if I could travel back in time, I would tell my younger self to smarten up.

1.  Date the super nice guy in high school.  For me, it's the one...the one who's last name I can't remember, but he sat next to me in home room.  He was shorter than me, but guess what...who cares???  Who cares!!!  I remember how he would take you to his grandma's flower shop and let me pick any flower I wanted.  We could just sit and read alone together and be completely content.  He was sweet and kind and thoughtful and didn't want to change anything about me.  Ya, that's the guy you want to date and then hopefully marry.  He's the one that is awesome husband material. 

2.  The guy who has been married twice, makes you fight for time with him, and always has a bevy of ladies around him?  Ya, he's not going to change.  He is NOT going to change.  He is not good husband material.  His bad boy image, while it might be totally attractive now, is NOT appealing when you're 8 months pregnant and he's making plans with all his girlfriends for a Friday night.  His ways will not change.  You will not change him.  You WILL NOT change him.  Be with someone who wants to be with you, not with someone you have to beg to be with.  You will be sooooooo much happier.

3.  Make peace with your body early on.  It is an amazing vessel that sustains your life.  It is capable of doing incredible things (like, say, pushing out a 10lb 6oz baby with a 14 inch head and shoulders like a linebacker).  So love it.  Treat it well.  Be easy on it.  Everyone has cellulite, stretch marks and scars.  You are beautiful beyond compare even if you have a 5 o'clock leg shadow.  If you get that early on, you will save yourself years of unhappiness and feelings of inadequacy.

4.  If you have no idea what you want to be when you grow up, and you find yourself out of high school and in University....take Business Management.  Seriously, these are courses that will come to save you in the future no matter what you end up doing in life.  I seriously wish I had taken those courses instead of the Philosophy courses and History courses and English Lit courses I ended up spending thousands and thousands of dollars on, before I nearly had a nervous breakdown.  Coincidentally, I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up, but I really wish I had some management techniques to show for all that debt.

5.  Learn how to do some really cool things for yourself.  Example?  Learn how to change a tire, fix a vacuum, some basic plumbing skills.  It's super empowering to know you can do it and don't need a man.  Then when you find a man, you'll know you love him for him and not for what he can do for you.  Seriously, when the power went out and I had to reset the garage door opener so it would open???  I wanted to tell people, strangers on the street, that I could fix my own garage door and I didn't need a man.  It was awesome.  When I put together the elliptical we decorated with lights at Christmas time (as I didn't actually use it....), ya...super amazed and proud of myself.

6.  Have a budget.  Save money.  If you cannot afford it, do not buy it.  Simple.  I wish, to this day, that I could listen to and follow this advice.  It eliminates a load of worry and needless stress.  And how amazing would it be to buy a house or condo at 25 with a 20% down payment?  Am I right?  You cannot live in a Coach purse, even if it is Fuchsia pink and lovely.  You will just end up selling it again on e-bay so you can spend that money on something a little more practical.

7.  Listen to your intuition.  Your intuition is God's way of communicating with you.  I truly believe this.  The *many* times I have not listened to my intuition, I always have regretted it.  It is a gift that lets you know you might be in trouble even when everything else around you seems completely legit.  I'm not saying be a paranoid freak - I'm saying if, deep down, you feel awkward, frightened, or whatever...it's okay.  Listen to it, and do something about it.

8.  Your feelings matter.  Like, a lot.  The importance of this is two fold.  First of all, people in this world will like to tell you you're over reacting.   "I don't know why you're so angry about this...you're over reacting."  No.  No, you are not.  If it's what you feel, it's what you feel there is no apology meant.  However, this brings me to point two...while you may not be able to control what you feel, you CAN control what you do with that feeling.  For example, it's completely okay to feel angry with some guy for standing you up on a date.  It is not okay to use that anger to spray paint the side of his house or key his car.  That would not be appropriate.  Use the anger to fuel growth and healing instead.  Jail would not be fun, I'm assuming.

9.  Googling a crushes name is not stalking.  It's researching.  It's important to be informed about the choice you're going to make.  I figure if companies can google a candidates name before they hire them, we can google a potential boyfriend.  Driving by a crushes house at two in the morning to see if they're a night owl like you?  Ya, stalking.

10.  Be the nice girl.  Be kind to everyone.  Smile.  Don't gossip.  Be the girl who, if a horrible rumour was going around about you, no one would believe it because your actions speak louder.  People might hate you anyways, but it's so much more important what you think of yourself than what others think of you.  You might be the sweetest peach in the bunch, and still find someone who hates peaches (Courtesy of Dita Von Teese). 

Any tips to your former self?  To your daughters? 

Uh....any tips for me??

1 comment:

  1. I am your mother and I approve this post.

    My one tip? Continue taking your own advice on all of them, especially #3. Let me quote you: "You are beautiful beyond compare even if you have a 5 o'clock leg shadow. If you get that early on, you will save yourself years of unhappiness and feelings of inadequacy."
    with love,