The New Job

You guys!!!

 

I got the job!!!

 

And my silence this week has been because I've been preoccupied with my new job.  In the first week, I forgot my employee pass, set off an alarm when I tried to go through the *wrong* door, and I was late (like seriously, what is worse than being late in the first week?!?!?!)

 

As with all change in my life, this has not come without freak outs.  In fact, as we speak (or as I write) I am having a mini freak out.  Have I made the right choice???  As I waited for the skytrain with like 500,000 other people today, I realised that my recent decision has essentially put me in the middle of the proverbial *rat race* that so many other people are trying to get out of.  And that kind of makes me freak out.  Am I going the wrong direction?  I had a job where my commute was 20 minutes and I was home by 4 pm every day.  Now, I have a lap top specifically for work, an hour and a half commute each way and I haven't been home before 7 pm any day this week.

 

But I really, really like what I'm doing!  I can't even really explain how important I feel.  Not to mention, I got the job.  I have no idea how many people applied for the job, but I got it.  I haven't the educational background for it, I have no experience in the field.  But I. Got. The. Job!!!!  I'm so proud of myself (but not in a *prideful* way....in a way to go, girl way!!) in a way I can't really explain.  It's like, I got this job on my laurels - specifically who I am and the name that I've made for myself.  My new boss said that out of everyone he spoke to about me, not one person had anything bad to say about me.  Not one!!!  That's incredible, because on any given day, I have something negative to say about me.  And I've come in contact with a lot of people at work...all different walks of life, opinions and personalities...and not one could think of anything bad to say. 

 

And...in a company where nepotism is rampant, I did this on my own.  Daddy didn't get me in, I didn't get the job because my sister or my husband works there too.  I did it all on my own and I love that.

 

Anyways, getting this job - it just seems to validate my whole career. 

 

So, what's the bad part? 

 

Why am I freaking out?

 

I have a child.

 

An 8 year old son, who needs his momma. And truthfully, his momma needs him too.

 

Have I chosen to advance my career at the expense of my son's childhood?  I feel so guilty.  So guilty.  I don't want to be the mother who spends all her time at the office while her child is raised by other people.  I want to be fully involved in Q's life.  I want to spend oodles of time with him.  I want him to have millions of memories with his momma.

 

Am I totally over thinking this?  It's the age old struggle for balance. 

 

Maybe it's a really good thing for him to see - his mother with a good career, a strong work ethic.  I strive to be a good role model for him, and it's important to me for him to see how women can be successful and just as good as any man out there.

 

And seriously, looking at Q...he doesn't look devestated or anything.  He doesn't look like he's lacking in attention.  He looks pretty well adjusted...

 

Sigh...life choices...