The New Job

You guys!!!

 

I got the job!!!

 

And my silence this week has been because I've been preoccupied with my new job.  In the first week, I forgot my employee pass, set off an alarm when I tried to go through the *wrong* door, and I was late (like seriously, what is worse than being late in the first week?!?!?!)

 

As with all change in my life, this has not come without freak outs.  In fact, as we speak (or as I write) I am having a mini freak out.  Have I made the right choice???  As I waited for the skytrain with like 500,000 other people today, I realised that my recent decision has essentially put me in the middle of the proverbial *rat race* that so many other people are trying to get out of.  And that kind of makes me freak out.  Am I going the wrong direction?  I had a job where my commute was 20 minutes and I was home by 4 pm every day.  Now, I have a lap top specifically for work, an hour and a half commute each way and I haven't been home before 7 pm any day this week.

 

But I really, really like what I'm doing!  I can't even really explain how important I feel.  Not to mention, I got the job.  I have no idea how many people applied for the job, but I got it.  I haven't the educational background for it, I have no experience in the field.  But I. Got. The. Job!!!!  I'm so proud of myself (but not in a *prideful* way....in a way to go, girl way!!) in a way I can't really explain.  It's like, I got this job on my laurels - specifically who I am and the name that I've made for myself.  My new boss said that out of everyone he spoke to about me, not one person had anything bad to say about me.  Not one!!!  That's incredible, because on any given day, I have something negative to say about me.  And I've come in contact with a lot of people at work...all different walks of life, opinions and personalities...and not one could think of anything bad to say. 

 

And...in a company where nepotism is rampant, I did this on my own.  Daddy didn't get me in, I didn't get the job because my sister or my husband works there too.  I did it all on my own and I love that.

 

Anyways, getting this job - it just seems to validate my whole career. 

 

So, what's the bad part? 

 

Why am I freaking out?

 

I have a child.

 

An 8 year old son, who needs his momma. And truthfully, his momma needs him too.

 

Have I chosen to advance my career at the expense of my son's childhood?  I feel so guilty.  So guilty.  I don't want to be the mother who spends all her time at the office while her child is raised by other people.  I want to be fully involved in Q's life.  I want to spend oodles of time with him.  I want him to have millions of memories with his momma.

 

Am I totally over thinking this?  It's the age old struggle for balance. 

 

Maybe it's a really good thing for him to see - his mother with a good career, a strong work ethic.  I strive to be a good role model for him, and it's important to me for him to see how women can be successful and just as good as any man out there.

 

And seriously, looking at Q...he doesn't look devestated or anything.  He doesn't look like he's lacking in attention.  He looks pretty well adjusted...

 

Sigh...life choices...

A SEA of choices...(pardon the pun)

I've been mulling over ideas for a career change.  I want a job where I'm not a bossy boss.  That's pretty much the only criteria.  Well, that and I need to make a pretty penny.  Money doesn't grow on trees, ya know. 

**Funniest story ever...when asked what his dad did for a job, this little boy in Q's class says, "He puts a roof over my head." And when the teacher says, "Okay, but how does he do that?"  B says, "By bringing home the dough.  Money doesn't grow on trees, ya know."  Ahhhh, finally a kid who listens to cliches...what more could you ask for?**

There are certain professions that I am not cut out for at all.  I wouldn't make a very good doctor because, while I'd look super cute in scrubs, I would be self diagnosing every bump, itch and rash.  I'd also not make a very good accountant because I'm not very good with numbers and oh my goodness, how boring would that job be.

I think it would be really fun to be a hair stylist, but it is probably a whole lot harder than it looks.  Besides, me and sharp scissors do not play well together.  A lawyer would be pretty cool, too.  Unless you knew that the guy you were trying to defend was guilty.  I'd probably let it slip *by accident* or give a wink-wink, nudge-nudge during closing arguments.  Not to mention the 8 years of school.  Here's a depressing thought:  I would be over 40 by the time I graduated.  I'd get to wear those cute suits with super high stilettos to work every day, though...just like Ally McBeal.  Cuz that's what being a lawyer is really all about, right?

The only thing that I really know how to do is tell other people what to do.  I know, it sounds ridiculous, right?  But it's true.  I'm really good at seeing what needs to be done, who can do it best, how it can be done the fastest, and I can multi-task like nobody's business.  And I can do it for 8 hours straight.  I get results.  In an interview once, I was asked what my management style was.  The interview was going horribly south, with the interviewer checking out her cuticles (seriously) more often than me, so I thought for a second, and answered truthfully, "Servant Leadership."  It was fabulous, I think their eyeballs nearly popped right out of their heads.  However, I know my employees (well, maybe 95% of them...because there's gotta be one or two in every crowd, right?) would do nearly anything for me, because they know that I would do the same for them.  While I didn't get the job (I realized mid-interview I really, really didn't want it) I found an awesome answer to a difficult question.  I'd answer the same way again and again, and I hope I live it every day.

But back to the job search.  I decided I would love to be a SEA...this stands for Special Education Assistant, also known as a TA, Teacher's Assistant or EA, for Education Assistant...so I think they're suffering from a bit of an identity crisis, but who isn't these days, really.  They hang out in the classroom with children who have behavioural, physical or emotional disabilities and help them learn.  Mrs. Simpson was in Q's class and she was just awesome.  She was there to help a little boy who had hearing loss and autism, but she noticed that Q had a speech delay, so she created a program for him, worked with him almost every day for only 15 minutes, and now strangers can understand Q.  This is a big deal.  At the beginning of the school year, I had difficulty understanding him sometimes.  It almost makes me cry when I think about the wonderful gift she gave Q.  And the little boy with autism has grown by leaps and bounds.  He's hardly the same boy from the beginning of the year.  What would be more rewarding than that?

So I looked into it, and this is what I found...

It's a nine month course (woot, woot!!) that costs $4000.00 (okay, not bad...) with a cool grand for books (eep!!)  It's super intense, so I wouldn't be able to work (huh.)  I'd have to save between three and four grand for each month I wasn't working (9 x $4000 = $36, 000....I think...my math is horrible...but holy shite, man...)  Oh, and if I'm going to college, I should probably pay off my debt before I rack up even more, right?  So that's another $10,000.  Has anyone been following this?  That's over $50,000 for me to go back to school.  For 9 months.  In education - where they like to make cuts and lay people off like it's a sport. 

All for a job that pays less than half what I make now.

I would be happy. 

Poor. 

But happy.

Is it Friday yet?

Oh my goodness, I am a stress-ball.  Work has been (more-than-usual) crazy lately.  But, I don't really want to talk about it. 

Oh, okay.  I will but just the nut-shell version.  The to-make-a-long-story-short version. 

Basically, we're going through some massive changes.  Our CEO, who has made sweeping changes during her reign has just resigned to take a position with Royal Mail.  That's fabulous for her.  There's just one problem...she didn't finish what she started.  I have huge issues with that, because she's basically caused chaos within our unionized environment.  She's rocked the boat, huge.  And now she leaves...6 months before our union's contract is up.  Can you spell S-T-R-I-K-E?  Have I mentioned that our union's collective agreement is 525 pages long.  Ya....it's gonna be a fun New Year.  And I cannot decide whether I feel she's super-smart to get out now or a coward for not finishing the battle she began.

We're also "De-layering" in the next month and a half.  Someone somewhere (probably the aforementioned CEO) has decided that we're management heavy and so they're bumping Superintendent's (as in my boss) to Supervisors (as in me...) No one knows where this leaves anyone and anyone who does know is totally tight lipped, because God forbid if we were all on the same page.  I'm in the bottom ten on the seniority totem pole, so things do not look good for me.  I'm kind of kicking myself in the arse because I know the signs...I come from the airline industry.  Hello!!!  You start limiting how many paperclips we can buy and the alarm bells should start dinging immediately.  But I didn't really see them this time.  I mean, it's the post office.  No one ever gets laid off from the post office...right???

Then we've decided to "modernize".  This might sound silly to most of you, however....we bought our last mechanized postal system from the great US of A when they retired their system.  Now (and I am not stretching the truth at all here....) if we need parts for our machines, we can go to the USA Postal Museum and hope and pray and cross our fingers that it hasn't been taken already.  Yup...our contingency plan is a postal museum.  Scary, right?  So someone (ya ya, okay...our CEO) decides we need new machines that come with new parts and faster parts.  Sounds great, right?  Well, not if you're used to the same thing that you've used for the past 35 years.  That shiny new machine spells terror in the hearts and minds of every single one of our employees. 

Funny thing, we've also discovered that letting employees take 45 minute breaks instead of 35 (30 + 5 minutes for "Wash up"...and you thought I was joking when I said the collective agreement was 525 pages long...) is not viable for a company who gets more money when they produce more volume.  Huh, hey...go figure.  I'm no CEO...but I could have told you that. 

And we have a new manager.  Who's way, way different from our last manager.  And it's rattled all our cages just a little.  For good or for bad.  You know, you get used to same ol' same ol'.

Wow.  That was the short story.  Can you even imagine the long story???  But like I said, I really don't want to talk about it.

It all just makes me want to hide under my blankets and not get out.  Ever.  I feel reasonably happy until I get into this place and then the puke green walls and the dirty floors just drain any remaining energy or happiness. 

I'm in a funk. 

I don't know why I'm here.

My employees hate me.  And not that I'm here to make friends.  I'm not.  The point is whether you want new friends or not, the fact that people actually despise you is pretty depressing in and of itself.  I'm the mouth piece for all the sweeping changes, so I'm the easiest one to hate.  I get that.  But I'm cute and I'm adorable and for those reasons alone, you are not supposed to hate me.  You're supposed to love me because I'm just so darn lovable. 

And who's life am I really changing for the better?  No one's gonna be at my funeral fondly recalling how I suspended them because their attendance was atrocious or because I made them actually do their job correctly. 

I need a purpose other than being someones scapegoat.

Psssst...don't tell anyone, but....I have an idea.

Well...unless I win the Lottomax tonight that's at $50 mill...and then my idea doesn't really matter anymore.

Has anyone ever heard of Arbonne?  For lack of better understanding...it's kind of like Mary Kay or Avon only like 150% better quality.  Ladies, it is high class. 

What does this mean for me?  It means parties and selling and more parties and ohhh, Margarita parties and cupcake parties and networking and selling.  It means working on my own schedule and being my own boss and seeing my child. 

And make-up is not just make-up.  I know first hand what it feels like to put on a pretty face and actually feel pretty.  When you're down in the dumps and someone takes the time to tell you that you're pretty...it means the world.  Self care, even if it's only a cuppa tea or a bubble bath...although it could be a spa day, is vital to emotional health.  I know that when I had post-partum depression taking care of me first and Q second is probably what kept us both alive at times.  If I could share this with other ladies....well, that would just be meaningful. 

On the side, I would love to start a charity where I would use my new products to give make overs to women who are entering the workforce after a long absence.  Maybe they're coming out of a divorce or coming back after maternity leave.  Maybe they've left an abusive relationship and they need a little bit of confidence.  Looking as good on the outside as you feel on the inside is never, ever a bad thing.

And then, if I were on my own schedule...I could be a foster mom...which is something I really, really, really want to do.

That's the plan.

Now, I just need the cash...

Oh...that'll be easy....

*Sigh*