The Results Are In

This is what your Monocytes look like when they're high

So, I'm a negative on the whole mononucleosis front, which I guess is a good thing...you know.  I mean it would have made a way better story if I did have mono, but it's just such a complicated disease that never really goes away.  I would never be able to donate blood ever again, which I have only ever done once, but I still don't really want the option taken away because of some stupid thing like Mono.  This does remind me though, I really should donate blood more often.  I'm O- you know...the universal donor...you're not surprised, are you?  "Of course she is, she would be."  You're all thinking it. 

Anyways, no Mono...but I don't know this from the doctor.  I hate it when the results are negative and they just don't tell you.  What if the results get lost?  What if you misread them or missed something really super important?  Life threatening, even.  What if you mistook them for someone else's?  All of these are valid concerns for a hypochondriac like me (and maybe you!)

How do I know?  Well, because of this fabulous website.  Now, it's specific to British Columbia, but google your province or state, because I'm sure that we're not so advanced here in B.C. that we have this technology that no one else has.

http://www.bcbio.com/

I just register my information and then it allows me to pull up my own results.  All of them...which means that I then need this website...

http://www.webmd.com/

 ...in order to find out what Monocytes are.  Because my tests results show that they were high.  It's brilliant!!!  Not only do I have an active role in my health, but I'm getting educated too.  One of my best girlfriends in High School had diabetes for months before she actually found out she had it.  The doctor conveniently "forgot" to tell her until they had to hospitalize her.  That will never, ever happen to me. I will know before the doctor knows, because we all know I will be on that website every hour on the hour until they post the results.  I will not miss a decimal point.

So I had boring old strep throat (which can turn into horribly dangerous things like meningitis, did ya know?) I got the test results to prove it.  For all my worrying about horrible things happening to me, nothing (knock on wood) ever, ever has.  The worst thing I've ever had is pregnancy, and I totally know how to avoid that ;)

How Fragile We Are

This whole "getting sick" thing has made me realize a few things.  First of all, I'm a horrible sick person.  Some people are saints when they suffer.  I am not.  I think that the world should stop and just let me be until I feel well again.  Unfortunately, being a momma does not allow for *stopping* so hats off to momma's every where who momma even when they're sick.  And a shout out to momma's who do it on their own, with no daddies in the picture.  And a holla' to those who have more than one bundle of joy running around when all you'd like to do is pop a few t3's and wake up when it's over.

I've noticed that there are generally two camps when it comes to illnesses and medication.  There are those of the mind that medication is a necessary evil when you're ill.  They try to avoid antibiotics but understand the need.  Then there are the ones that avoid medication at all costs.  Immunize the kids?  Hell no.  Let them build up a natural immunity to Polio.  Instead of tylenol, they use natural remedies like green tea and ginger.  Me?  Well, I belong to a third camp that I like to call, "Fry, SUCKERS, Fry."  Basically, I think everyone should be given a 7 day dose of antibiotics twice a year to fight what ever *might* be lurking below the surface.  There are germs and bugs and diseases absolutely everywhere.  It's amazing to me that we make it through the day, month, year without dying of Meningitis or a staph infection or something of the sort.  My son says that he wishes the world was made of penicillin - which would be lethal for me, but how great for him if every thing tasted like Banana and he never got sick.  Oh, I know, I know...we have a natural immune system that works very hard to fight these things every single day...but I'd sure worry a whole lot less if I had an IV drip 24/7.

Third:  I think I may be a freak of nature.  Right, okay...get all the jokes out of the way, but once you hear the evidence you might agree.  When I was 3 I had my adenoids out, when I was 5 I was scheduled in to have my tonsils out and they noticed my adenoids had grown back, so they took both out.  Before I was even 6 years old, I had removed twice what most adults don't even know exist.  Anyways, when I was a the doctors the other night, she said I had *pustules* on my *tonsils*.  My tonsils have grown back.  I'm tempted to cut a finger off, just to see what happens.  Maybe I have a super human power to regenerate missing limbs, they could isolate the mutated gene, I could make millions, and war amps would have to file Chapter 11 (unless, of course, they start a secondary business just returning keys to people who've lost them...because I'm pretty sure the world would shut down otherwise.  Little known fact, though...the Post Office does that too...)

And my final realization from this illness is that my father should be paying my therapy bills.  Growing up, if I ever had a headache a series of questions would follow...was my neck sore?  Was it stiff?  Did I have a fever?  Could I see any spots on my body?  Because it might be Meningitis.  After I passed all the check points I would be given a Tylenol 3 and sent on my way.  I was 12.  Every single illness was met with a tra-billion questions veering towards one deadly disease or bacteria or virus.  Nothing was safe.  My father was/is probably the only person who has ever gone into a McDonalds and asked for his hamburger to be "extra well-done".  E-coli, of course, but come on.  It's to the point where I can no longer google my symptoms because I suffer from self induced panic attacks when I discover my hang nail can house a staph infection and I can die.  DIE.  I know, I know...it's gonna be a hefty bill.

I'm happy to report that I can now eat things like rice and super soggy cereal, but get severely tired after a game of Yahtzee and have to rest for an hour or so.  But I have to go, because my fingers are getting tired from typing and my neck is sore. 

Does someone have a cool, damp cloth for my brow?

I'll Just Blow you a Kiss From Here

Last week Q was sick.  Like super sick.  Like most times when Q is sick, the only thing different is the constant flow of snot (which, by the way...how does such a little person produce so much snot??), but this time, Q sat on the couch for four days straight, ate nothing, and willingly took medicine to help him sleep (this is usually a huge fight).  On day four I took Q to the doctor and within 12 hours of antibiotics I had my bouncing little boy back.  The kid was actually begging me to go back to school.  He asked if he could get the spelling words so we could do the spelling test at home! 

I thought that I had dodged the bullet.  After a whole week of wiping snot (I can handle puke, poo and blood...snot makes me want to barf.  I cannot handle snot), seeing snot bubbles, having Q cough, sneeze and wipe his nose on me, I thought I must have super human immunity.  It's only fair, really, seeing as how I was really sick over Christmas.  I was counting my lucky stars and my blessings.

Until...

Four days ago, I woke up with a sore throat like I've not ever, ever experienced.  I've had to will myself to swallow.  I talk myself into swallowing.  I give myself a count down to swallowing.  I haven't eaten in four days because it's simply too painful (hello great weight loss plan!!)  I can tolerate hot, hot tea and nothing else. 

I'm starving.  What I wouldn't do for a steak or a hamburger right now....mmmmmmmm.....

So last night I broke down and went to the doctor.  I tend to be a hypochondriac (maybe it's cancer...) and so if I went to the doctor every time I thought I should, I'd be there every other day.  As a result, I talk myself out of going to the doctor even when it is necessary.  Out of sheer desperation, I went last night.  I knew she was going to say, "Oh, it's a virus.  There is nothing we can do."  I waited for an hour and 45 minutes to hear, "There's nothing we can do" on the off chance that there was something they could do.

Sure enough, the doctor tells me that all my symptoms sound exactly like the virus that's going around and there is nothing she can do until it runs it's course.  "Have you started throwing up yet?"  Uhhhh, no.  "Well, that's coming."  Thanks, Dr. Doom.  She says that in 100 patients that she sees, maybe one actually has strep throat.  She checks out my throat, and says "Well, well...you've proven me wrong.  You must be my one in a hundred."  Then she checks my glands, and says..."Oh.  I think you have mono!"

As in the kissing disease.  As in what all the teenage kids get in high school from drinking from the water fountain (although they want everyone to think it's from kissing the cute guy in math class).  I'm 33.  I haven't drank from a water fountain in years.  I've not kissed the cute boy in math class well....ever.  It is absolutely ironic that I get the one fun sickness and haven't done anything fun to get it.  I've been living the life of a nun, and I have mono. 

*sigh*

Well, we're still waiting for the results from the blood tests. 

I'm such a wimp when I'm sick, too.  I groan.  I moan.  I put my head in my hands and groan and moan some more.  I relay my every symptom to anyone within hearing distance every 20 minutes just so they don't forget how much I'm suffering.  I ask anyone near to put their hand on my forehead just to make sure it's not my imagination that I have a fever.  I confirm that it's not hot, "Is it hot in here?  Or is it just me?"  just to remind them that I have a fever.  If I have to suffer, then so does everyone else.

Anyways, it's been just over 12 hours on antibiotics and I am happy to say that I can swallow without my eyes watering.  Don't get me wrong...it still hurts.  And I still can't eat anything.  But I can swallow without giving myself a countdown to do so.  I'm allergic to Penicillin, which is the number one drug in fighting bugs like this, so the doctor gives me a drug in the Penicillin family but tells me that there's only a 5% chance of me reacting to it.  What's the worst that can happen?  Well, death...but really, it's more likely that I'll just get hives all over my body.  Seriously, I'm desperate enough to try anything at this point.  Anything.

I'm house ridden for the next 4-6 days too.  Which is a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how you look at it.  I have to cancel my plans for drinks on Saturday night with a girlfriend I haven't seen in ages, but I also have a doctors note (that she gave me without even me asking for one) that says I cannot work for the next 6 days.  And because she's fairly convinced I caught whatever I have from my little cesspool of germs...a.k.a. the kid...I can still spend some quality time with him without worrying about him getting sick!

Look at me, finding the silver lining of this cloud. 

And now I'm going to take a nap as I've decided to milk this Mono thing for all it's worth.  Because when the results of the blood test come in and it's not Mono...I won't have an excuse to nap in the middle of the afternoon ;)