Friday, March 4, 2011

I'll Just Blow you a Kiss From Here

Last week Q was sick.  Like super sick.  Like most times when Q is sick, the only thing different is the constant flow of snot (which, by the does such a little person produce so much snot??), but this time, Q sat on the couch for four days straight, ate nothing, and willingly took medicine to help him sleep (this is usually a huge fight).  On day four I took Q to the doctor and within 12 hours of antibiotics I had my bouncing little boy back.  The kid was actually begging me to go back to school.  He asked if he could get the spelling words so we could do the spelling test at home! 

I thought that I had dodged the bullet.  After a whole week of wiping snot (I can handle puke, poo and blood...snot makes me want to barf.  I cannot handle snot), seeing snot bubbles, having Q cough, sneeze and wipe his nose on me, I thought I must have super human immunity.  It's only fair, really, seeing as how I was really sick over Christmas.  I was counting my lucky stars and my blessings.


Four days ago, I woke up with a sore throat like I've not ever, ever experienced.  I've had to will myself to swallow.  I talk myself into swallowing.  I give myself a count down to swallowing.  I haven't eaten in four days because it's simply too painful (hello great weight loss plan!!)  I can tolerate hot, hot tea and nothing else. 

I'm starving.  What I wouldn't do for a steak or a hamburger right now....mmmmmmmm.....

So last night I broke down and went to the doctor.  I tend to be a hypochondriac (maybe it's cancer...) and so if I went to the doctor every time I thought I should, I'd be there every other day.  As a result, I talk myself out of going to the doctor even when it is necessary.  Out of sheer desperation, I went last night.  I knew she was going to say, "Oh, it's a virus.  There is nothing we can do."  I waited for an hour and 45 minutes to hear, "There's nothing we can do" on the off chance that there was something they could do.

Sure enough, the doctor tells me that all my symptoms sound exactly like the virus that's going around and there is nothing she can do until it runs it's course.  "Have you started throwing up yet?"  Uhhhh, no.  "Well, that's coming."  Thanks, Dr. Doom.  She says that in 100 patients that she sees, maybe one actually has strep throat.  She checks out my throat, and says "Well,'ve proven me wrong.  You must be my one in a hundred."  Then she checks my glands, and says..."Oh.  I think you have mono!"

As in the kissing disease.  As in what all the teenage kids get in high school from drinking from the water fountain (although they want everyone to think it's from kissing the cute guy in math class).  I'm 33.  I haven't drank from a water fountain in years.  I've not kissed the cute boy in math class well....ever.  It is absolutely ironic that I get the one fun sickness and haven't done anything fun to get it.  I've been living the life of a nun, and I have mono. 


Well, we're still waiting for the results from the blood tests. 

I'm such a wimp when I'm sick, too.  I groan.  I moan.  I put my head in my hands and groan and moan some more.  I relay my every symptom to anyone within hearing distance every 20 minutes just so they don't forget how much I'm suffering.  I ask anyone near to put their hand on my forehead just to make sure it's not my imagination that I have a fever.  I confirm that it's not hot, "Is it hot in here?  Or is it just me?"  just to remind them that I have a fever.  If I have to suffer, then so does everyone else.

Anyways, it's been just over 12 hours on antibiotics and I am happy to say that I can swallow without my eyes watering.  Don't get me still hurts.  And I still can't eat anything.  But I can swallow without giving myself a countdown to do so.  I'm allergic to Penicillin, which is the number one drug in fighting bugs like this, so the doctor gives me a drug in the Penicillin family but tells me that there's only a 5% chance of me reacting to it.  What's the worst that can happen?  Well, death...but really, it's more likely that I'll just get hives all over my body.  Seriously, I'm desperate enough to try anything at this point.  Anything.

I'm house ridden for the next 4-6 days too.  Which is a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how you look at it.  I have to cancel my plans for drinks on Saturday night with a girlfriend I haven't seen in ages, but I also have a doctors note (that she gave me without even me asking for one) that says I cannot work for the next 6 days.  And because she's fairly convinced I caught whatever I have from my little cesspool of germs...a.k.a. the kid...I can still spend some quality time with him without worrying about him getting sick!

Look at me, finding the silver lining of this cloud. 

And now I'm going to take a nap as I've decided to milk this Mono thing for all it's worth.  Because when the results of the blood test come in and it's not Mono...I won't have an excuse to nap in the middle of the afternoon ;)


  1. Oh my gosh. You had me in tears. I want to press my hand against your forehead to check for fever and then pat you on the shoulder and coo to you that you'll be fine soon.

    Except I'm staying an entire country away from you. No offense. My daughter had mono. It is horrible. She was so sick.

    Pooooooor you. Get better soon!!!!

  2. Thank you for your concern, and absolutely wise to stay in the great U.S. of A. My passport has expired and so I'm sure my bugs will not be able to get into the country either. Or they might have to pay a *tax* to get in, and I'm pretty sure they cannot afford it.