Thursday, July 8, 2010

Sweaty Kneecaps


Summer has finally decided to join us here on the lower mainland.  It's about effin' time, that's all I have to say about that.  I guess we're paying for the abnormally warm winter we had smack dab in the middle of the Olympics.  There's more snow on the mountains now, FYI.  I think the Americans are still laughing at us.  There goes the myth that Canadians live in Igloos and travel by dog sled though...hahaha!! 

I think that my sweat glands changed after I had Q because I was never a really sweaty girl before having him.  In the past few years, though I have begun to sweat in places I didn't even know you could sweat.  For example, my kneecaps sweat.  I think that's a little weird, don't you?  So now, when the weather gets hot, I say, "So friggin' hot, my kneecaps are sweatin'," and people look at me a little weird.  I'm used to it though, more often than not people look at me funny because of something I said before I thought it out.  (haha, not unlike this blog...)

It's horrid at work because we don't have air conditioning in the area of the building where I work.  And then there's the trucks with their exhaust and stuff, and I have to wear long pants - nothing says sweat like good ol' polyester (my co-worker says it's because if I were allowed to wear shorts to work there would be many forklift accidents...which I think is a compliment)  and the dreaded steel toed boots. 

However, next week I will be in paradise with my BFF, her three adorable babes (okay, okay, K is twelve, but I remember him when he was just a babe...) and of course, my lovely Q.  I will be required to wear nothing but a bathing suit and flip flops for a whole week while we fish and drink and boat and drink.  Last year it rained the whole time, but I've checked the long term forecast and it is gonna be HOT, HOT, HOT!!!  Believe me folks, I am squealing on the inside. 

I so need BFF time. 

Before I go, I have to do a few things....

I have to get my tires changed.  I don't know much about tires, but I'm pretty sure there comes a time when they're so bald, they just pop.  I'm also pretty sure that I'm living on borrowed time with my tires.  I once drove for a whole day, on the highway, going 130km the speed limit with a completely flat tire.  I was driving on the metal rim.  I think I'm a pretty spectacular driver to not even know it was flat...right?  Am I right?  All I need is a popped tire in the middle of nowhere (although, nothing is as attractive as a woman broken down on the side of the road, right?  Needy and stranded and just waiting for a big, strong man to come and save her.  That is definitely something to consider...)  And so I need them in the next two days.  There's no waiting list...I hope...I've checked into it, and the cheapest I can get it done is $400.00.  Which is pretty cheap, except....

I also need to get my brakes done.  Now, I know I've often spoke of my good-for-nothing ex...but it turns out he's good for brakes!!!  He's offered to replace them for me on Saturday.  Normally, I'd say no, with visions of me careening into a brick wall when my brakes suddenly fail but I will have his son with me, so I'm fairly confident he'll do a good job.  I do wonder though, what is more important...brakes or tires?  Any ideas ladies?  Mr. Ex says he can do my brakes for $100.00.  So, for the brakes and the tires it's gonna sink me $500.00.  Again, not so bad, except...

I should have had my oil changed 4000km ago.  So that is an absolute necessity.  And they always talk me into getting my engine flushed.  And then they show me what some who-knows-what gunk in my engine should look like ("See it's cherry red?  It's supposed to look cherry red...see yours?  Ya, it's black.  That's not good!)  and what it actually looks like and so I get suckered into changing that too, because who doesn't want cherry red instead of black.  So, I'm looking at about $100.00 there.  But it's okay, cuz I get a free bluetooth if I do it before July 31.  Woot woot...

Have you added this all up?  $600.00, not including gas. 

$700.00 - including gas. 

Food?  Who needs to eat for a week?  We'll catch our own food.  We're in the woods.  We have a lake.  There's gotta be fish in them there lakes.  And berries.  Does anyone know how you tell which ones are the poisonous ones?  Anyone?

And I've left the very best for last.  I have to go buy a new bathing suit.  A one-piece.  One that has technology to suck all my newly gained fat into my organs and leave it there for a week.  I'm sure they have one of those.  If not, children are going to be having nightmares for years if they see me in a two piece. 

If I weren't such a flipping PROCRASTINATOR, I would have changed my tires a year ago when they needed it (I know!  A whole year.  Horrible, isn't it?  Testament to what a fabulous driver I am though, right?  Driving for a whole year on bald tires?  I should join Nascar or something...), my oil a month ago, and my brakes 6 months ago.  And I totally would have lost the 30lbs by now...

And then preparation for my holiday would have included building up my base tan (done!), checking the water wings for leaks (done!) and finding a bathing suit (do...oh wait...argh!!!!!!)

And I really hope this tooth ache goes away by Sunday....

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