What I Learned on my Summer Vacation

He's smiling on the outside, but screaming on the inside.  He's his momma's boy!

Do you remember doing that in school?  Having to do an essay on your summer vacation?  I don't.  But I do remember watching other kids do it in movies.  So, I guess it's kinda like me doing it, right?  Anyways, this is what I learned on my summer vacation this year....

Being in a car with a five almost six year old is sort of like being in a car with someone who has Alzheimer's.  Five hours went by kinda like this...

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Oh.  Are we staying at the cabin tonight?"

"No, we're staying with Nana tonight at the Hotel.  There's a swimming pool, so you can go swimming."

"Oh.  Are we there yet?"

"Nope"

"Oh."

Wait 5 minutes....

"Are we staying at the cabin tonight?"

"No, I told you we're staying at the Hotel with Nana."

"Why?"

"I told you why..."

"I forgot..."

"Well, Nana has pool at the Hotel.  So we're going to stay there!"

"Oh...are we there yet?"

Multiply this conversation by 5 hours and you have our road trip in a nut shell.  Thank God for Nintendo DS...that's all I gotta say.

Being in a cabin with three two almost three year old's is like being stuck in a room with three PMS-ing women...example:

"I want some orange juice."

"Okay.  T, would you like some orange juice too?

"No, I want apple juice."

"Cool.  Okay, K...here's your orange juice.  T, there's your apple juice"

Then from absolutely nowhere..."Awwwwwwwwwwww, I don't want apple juice.  I want orange juice, too.  I want orange juice.  I want orange juice, I want orange juice. I want orange juice.  I don't like apple juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuiiiiiiiiiiiccccccccccccccccccccccceeee..."

Multiply that by five days...

I think you guys all need to be sitting down for this next one.   I learned that there are husbands/fathers out there who interact with their families.  I know.  Shut the front door, right?  There are men who play with their children because they want to.  They feed their children, tuck them into bed at night, and get up in the middle of the night with them.  And they don't guilt trip their baby's momma's for it.  They do it because they're part of a team, because they love their children and they love their wives.  I just kept staring in awe at these supermen who make dinner, clean up the dishes and all without a word to belittle their wives or to keep tabs on who did what, and who did more.  Where can I get me one of those?

I learned that I got some issues I didn't know I had.  We spent quite a bit of time on a boat...cuz, ya know...we were on a lake for a week.  Now, Mr. Ex and I had a boat (FYI...he kept it in the split, along with the house, the Jeep, the Porsche and the bank account...but whatever...) and whenever we went on the boat it became a stressful ordeal that always ended with him yelling at my inadequate boating techniques.   Like, there was the time when it looked like I was minding my own business just sitting on the boat, but really I made the boat stall in the middle of the river with a huge barge right behind us.  Or there was the time I changed the current/tides while he was trying to dock the boat, so he couldn't control it.  I remember the time I inconveniently got 9 months pregnant and couldn't reach for the dock from the boat over the massive 10lb 6 oz baby stuck in my uterus.  Geez, what was I thinking, right?  

So, I get on this boat and I start to feel a lil panicky.  Like, who's going to start yelling at who first?  And even moreso, who is going to start yelling a me first.  What stupid thing am I going to do on this boat to make it tip over or sink or some other disastrous ending to a fabulous day?  Well, guess what...no one yelled at anyone, the boat didn't sink, and nothing happened that was my fault.  Because as amazing as I am, I cannot change the tides, and I cannot single handedly sink a boat.  Those were Mr. Ex's inadequacies...not mine.  It was super powerful for me to realize that.  Soon, I relaxed in the boat and had a fabulous time.  It was a really good reminder, though that we all have skeletons in all closet, no matter how well rounded and complete we are.  I find myself beating myself up for things that are not my fault and could not possibly be my fault (like, you know, when I blamed the weather on...um.....me...)

I found that it was easier to quit smoking when I was able to substitute one vice with another.  For instance, hard liquor helps quell the cravings.  However, this does mean that you're pretty much drunk for a whole week, but at least you're not smoking, right?  And everyone knows that everything is soooooo much more fun when you're drunk.  Even two full days of rain, stuck in a cabin with 5 adults, 5 kids, and a dog.  And no cigarettes.

I also learned that being a single mom who lives paycheck to paycheck is my issue and no one else's.  People don't treat me differently or see me differently because I'm not married.  I might see myself differently, I might not meet my expectations, but I had a wonderful week with two happily married couples, and I was not the fifth wheel.  I was just another person.  And it was fun.

Finally, I learned that of all the places in the world I could be, the one place that I really, really love to be is home.  I am a home body.  I had such an amazing time at the lake.  I got to spend the week with my best friend, her super cool family and some new friends.  But coming home was just spectacular.  Sleeping in my own bed was divine.  I don't need to travel around the world to find happiness, I am so super content right where I am.

And then Monday came along, and I was horribly reminded how much I hate my job.