It always surprises me when people don't like me. It doesn't bother me, because I'm confident in who I am and I like me, so it's all good, but it does surprise me. And I'm not even saying all this just so everyone will tell me how fabulous I am. I am not fishing for compliments. It's just this crazy observation that really made me wonder...
I don't stand for anything offensive.
I'm not offensive, rude, or indignant.
I'm not loud, my voice isn't super whiny.
I'm not lazy, nor do I shirk my responsibilities.
I'm fricken hilarious!
I'm kind. (I have determined that this is one of the most undervalued qualities we possess. nothing is more powerful than kindness)
I have a strong work ethic.
I hate conflict, so I avoid it at all costs. It's not like I'm busting into rooms, starting fights all over the place.
And when people don't like me, the don't just dislike me...they loathe me. They despise me. It's not like they say, "Oh that girl. She's super annoying." with an eye roll. No, they're like planning my demise.
One such person actually applied for the same job I did, and in the interview told them specifically she was applying for it solely so I didn't get it. She ended up getting it because her seniority was higher, but seriously? You dislike me that much...to go for a job you don't even want, just so I don't get it?!?! How am I so offensive that you would try to sabotage my career?
Another person actually really, truly believed that I was out to get them - like I was trying to get them fired. She started writing down every conversation we had and then getting witnesses to sign them, so she could prove I was mean and nasty and picking on her.
It got so bad with a co-worker, that I had to stop talking to them, just because everything I said was being turned around into something mean and horrible. Nothing says, "Awkward" like sitting in 4 x 8 room with someone for 8 hours and not speaking to them at all. She even unfriended me on facebook. Can you imagine someone doing something so drastic? (insert sarcasm here...)
Again, I can't seem to wrap my mind around what makes me so vile. I've even been called the *B* word, on more than one occasion!!
Long ago, I decided that I wanted to be the person who was kind to everyone. It has been said that everyone is fighting a hard battle, and it became apparent to me that it is so simple to have an impact on someone, whether negative or positive. Just think about how you feel when someone cuts you off in traffic, or alternately, how you feel when a stranger smiles at you as you pass on the street. These things do make a difference. I'm convinced of it. So I try, when I'm not pms-ing of course, to hold open doors, smile to strangers, help people reach things off shelves, let people in in traffic, ask how some one's day is, listen to the answer.
Funny enough, it had more of an impact on my life than I ever really expected. I found that when I was nice to people, I felt better too. The smile that was hard to fake suddenly became real and a permanent fixture on my face. Being shy took second place to being friendly. Being in a hurry subsided and my patience became stronger. As a result, I became less rushed, I became less anxious.
Of course, it's always a little shocking when my kindness is not returned.
And don't even get me started on how I feel when I'm pms-ing. Maybe that's when I have made those who were my friends, my enemies. But come on, that cannot be held against me. It's not my fault. I cannot control the angry uterus. It controls me.