Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Beauty From Ashes

Many of you who follow my blog know my history, so I will spare you all the tedious details. I will briefly say that eight years ago, I was in a new city where I knew no one, homesick for my old life, in a horribly dysfunctional relationship, and in  the middle of severe postpartum depression, feeling terribly unprepared and inadequate to be a mother to my beautiful baby boy.

In conjunction with medication and counselling, my doctor *prescribed* a support group for my postpartum depression.  I wasn't so sure I wanted to go.  First of all, I pictured all these women rocking back and forth, pulling their hair out, while on the other hand, I imagined their judging eyes - how could someone with a beautiful baby be so ungrateful.  The first meeting, I conveniently couldn't find anyone to look after my baby. The second meeting, I sat outside the building in my brother's beat up truck (as he had pushed me out the door, handing me his keys, taking Q from my arms), resisting the urge to throw up or drive away.

As with most fears, this was also completely irrational, because what I walked into was a room of warmth and acceptance.  The woman were all like me, completely *normal*, well educated, functioning members of society.  They loved their children, there was no mistaking that.  We were all trying to find our way through a mess of hormones, emotions and territory we had never been before.  Every Monday night, we bonded over tears, our hatred of men (in general and specifically - husbands), our feelings of inadequacy, and our fears.  We understood each other like no one else, because we were all going through the same thing at the same time.  These women became my kindred soul mates.

Fast forward to now:  We have beautiful children who are no longer babies, no longer toddlers, but real life boys and girls!!  We are more confident in our role as mothers.  We have jobs and lives that no longer are conducive to meeting once a week (or even once a month), but when we do get together we find the same welcoming arms from years and years before.  When we meet, it's like no time has passed and we're able to continue where we left off last time.  We are full of acceptance and love and warmth and I always, always feel renewed after my time with them.  They offer a different point of view and insight that I appreciate. These are friendships that will last my whole life.  I will be at their children's weddings (take note, ladies...I will be at your children's weddings...) and hopefully they will be my wedding, one day!!

Boys will be boys!  They dug this hole to Mexico (because Mexico offers Cervesas!!)

K reminds me sooo much of Q when he was 4.  The older ones are super cool, aren't they!!

It really is so true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  I never would have met these women if it weren't for my postpartum depression.  I never would have been able to experience their kind, warm spirits and their welcoming, accepting hearts.  I am truly blessed by the friendships I share with these women and their beautiful children.  This is the beauty from my ashes.  


  1. Ha, ha - love the hole to Mexico; what a great idea! It is so nice to see how wonderful all our kids have turned out, and how much better and stronger we are. And yes, we will all be at your wedding, for sure!

  2. This is a lovely post. Made me smile and wish I could have joined the group with you.

  3. Thanks Melanie! I wish there were more groups of women for women, where everyone nurtured and supported each other instead of back stabbing and gossiping. What a crazy, different world that would be, huh!!