Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Blah, Blah, Blah

(Or Self Pep-Talk.)
For all of you, this will just sound like blah, blah, blah, consider yourself warned.
I had a few free hours tonight.  Q has gone to his dads for the evening, and I have 3 hours (well, 2 1/2 now) to do what ever I want.  I had an awesome plan. I was going to write for 3 (now 2 1/2) hours.  I was going to write and write and write and write. 
Because I am an author.  And that is what authors do.  They write.  They write things like books and poems and short stories.  They update their blogs on a daily basis with witty thoughts and ideas.  They have comments on their posts.  Well deserved comments.
Yet here I sit.  In front of the TV.  It's on.  No ideas.  Well, one idea.  But every time I decided to write said idea, nothing comes out.  I just sit there and stare at a blank screen. 
Well, it's not blank.  Actually, I downloaded this program that is supposed to help you put all your ideas together when you're writing a book.  It's a virtual pin board, with virtual recipe cards that you can write your ideas on and then smush them all together in to one.  But it's a 30 day trial, and only the days you use it count, so I don't want to use it until I get a really, really good idea.  So it sits on my desktop, virtually unused. 
Ironic, huh?
So I figure if I just keep writing *I'm a writer*, an author...that I will believe it and have the confidence in myself to do this. 
This.  This.
What this? 
Write a book?  I mean that's not really scary in and of itself, is it?  No.  No it is not.  If Snooki and Tori Spelling can write books, then I surely can.  Anyone can write a book.  Not many people can write a really, really, really good book. 
And that's what I want to do, I want to write a really, really, really good book.  A book that everyone talks about.  A book that makes the best sellers list.  Ohhhhh, a book that book clubs discuss.  That's what I want.  It's not because I want to be famous.  It's because I want to leave a lasting mark that is truly amazing.
Again with the effin' midlife crisis. 
I'm an author.  An author.  I write.  I write books and such.  Because that's what authors do.  They write.
They rewrite.
They write and rewrite and rewrite and rewrite.
They get rejection letters that say, "Your story sucks.  Sorry."

And then write again.
I'm totally okay with that, because I realize it's not a personal attack, and it's not a failure.  It's a way to grow, and I'm not going to grow at all if I just sit on this couch, staring at that t.v. every single day.
So, as an author, I'm going to turn the TV. off.  I've got roughly 2 hours left.  I'm going to turn off the TV and write for 2 hours.  Because I am an author.  And that is what authors do.
They write.
But first I'm going to watch *Modern Family* because geez, that show is hilarious (even though it's a rerun).
Authors need inspiration.  Hilarious inspiration.  And then I'll have 1 1/2 hours to write pure genius, because that's what writers do.
And that's what I do.  I write.  I'm a writer. 


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