Hurry Up and Wait

Okay, so life has thrown me a few changes lately.  And I don't really like changes.

My baby is growing up.  He doesn't need me as much anymore - or maybe he still needs me, just in different ways.

My brother and his family moved to Ontario. I've been so blessed in my life to count my brother and my sister in law as two of my best friends.  And so them leaving leaves me feeling empty.  I know deep down that this is a good move for them but I feel like a piece of me moved along with them. They took my niece with them too, despite my offers to keep her and allow them to visit her whenever they wanted.

So I've spent the past couple of months trying to reinvent myself.

I'm not trying to *find* myself.  I already know who I am.  I think I've been trying to *change* myself.  Push myself way outside of the boundaries of who I am and push myself to be more extroverted.  Push myself to enjoy things that I don't really enjoy.  I mean, I thought that I should meet new people and get out there and do new things, like maybe joining Toastmasters or an acting club or a choir.  I joined *another* dating site.  I seriously considered moving.  I considered moving in with a friend and having home stay students.  I looked into adopting a dog.

(Well, the last one is totally me. I would love, love, love a dog.)

But then I realized that all that is not me.  At least not me right now.  Because why do I need public speaking skills?  Because I can't act.  Because I haven't sung in almost 20 years.  Because dating sites are so not my style.  Because there is nothing wrong with where I live *for now*.  Because I love my friend, but I don't have what it takes for home stay students.  Because with Q I'm not home enough for a dog.  It wouldn't be fair for the dog.

And I would NOT be happy doing all that NOT me stuff.

Where does that leave me?  Where does that leave me right now?

Waiting.

It leaves me waiting.

Waiting...

But here's the thing.  Waiting is not bad.  I know what has been placed on my heart.  I know that the waiting now is preparing me for the future when my time comes and then I will be ready.  The waiting now is for rest and reflection so I will be confident when when it is time to *be*.

Presidents are not allowed to be under 35 - but seriously look at the average age of the candidates running now.  Nelson Mandela spent 20 years in jail, resting, before he was voted in as the first leader of a democratic South Africa.  And because I love women and love to support their successes...Amelia Earhart was 40 when she took her fateful flight and made history.  Mother Theresa was 69 when she won the Nobel Peace Prize.  Sarah was 90 when she had Issac.

For now, I will take the time to rest.  I will read books.  I will write.  I will read some more.  I will go for walks.  I will laugh with friends.  I will get healthy.  I will watch Pee Wee hockey games and cheer for #12.  I will help with homework.  I will try to remember to go to PAC meetings (I forget every single 3rd Tuesday every single month).

Because I know that when my times comes, I will be busy.  I will be moving mountains and I will be taking names.  (okay, I may not be that influential...but who knows maybe I will).

I don't know yet what it is I will do...maybe I'll run for office (is that a thing in Canada??  It sounds way cooler than 'I will run for MP') and revolutionize politics by being the first honest leader who really wants to make things better for all classes, whether you're homeless or a billionaire.  Maybe I'll run a Fortune 500 company (again...is that a thing in Canada???  I should really read up on Canadian catchphrases if I'm going to be running the country.)  Maybe I'll be a famous author after writing an amazing novel that changes every one's life for the better.

Truly, truly what I hope for and pray for every single day is that God will use me to change lives of young people.  I pray that he will send me a partner who wants the same.  Every day I hope for a husband who's heart also waits for me and wants to foster/adopt as many children as we can.  I hope that we can show these children that they matter and they are important and they are capable of great things and they deserve to be loved greatly.  I hope that we can plant seeds in these young minds and hearts for whatever time we have them, so that one day when they are grown and alone and faced with two choices, they will choose the good because they remember they are worth the good.

I feel this calling every day.

Every day when I hear of mass shootings, I feel this calling.

Every day when I read of the teenager who overdosed on drugs, I feel this calling.

Every time I see someone begging on the street for spare change, I feel this calling.

So for now, I wait.

I rest.

And I prepare my heart for what's next.

Raising the Leaders of Tomorrow

Do you see those two new buttons on the side of my blog?  If you get my blog e-mailed to you, then click here to be directed to my blog. 

For a very long time, there has been a soft spot for children in my heart.  In fact, for as long as I can remember, there has been.  I love not only their innocence and purity, but their ability to love with abandon and their hope for the future.  It is so striking to me that these children are our future and the way we raise them up now when they're young is a very strong determining factor for who they will be when they grow up.  We are raising the leaders of tomorrow.  We're raising the doctors and the teachers and the mayors and maybe even the prime minister.  If you knew you were raising the next leader of Canada, would you raise him differently?  Sadly, we're also raising the homeless and the criminals.  How would we parent differently if we knew in 10 years our child would be robbing a bank?

When Q was in kindergarten, I was able to volunteer in his class almost every day.  It was a wonderful experience for me to interact with my son, but also with the other children in his class. What I saw amazed me...the children who acted out the most were almost always the children who's parents were absent - the parents who never picked them up from school, never came to the after school events, never showed for parent/teacher interviews.  Children learn from a very young age that any attention is good attention, so if they were getting in trouble, well I guess they thought it was better than being invisible.  It was remarkable what a little bit of positive attention did to their behavior.  The whole year Q was in kindergarten I thought, teachers plant a seed.  They plant an "I believe in you" seed that they hope grows and grows and grows in these leaders of the future. 

Having a child of my own has only made my desire to help children more.  Every night (or every night Q is with me) I get to kiss him good night, tuck him in, tell him I love him, and I'm proud of him.  It breaks my heart that children go to bed at night alone, hungry, scared, homeless, orphans.  It breaks my heart that children go to sleep without hearing, "I love you." 

Q really, really, really enjoys being an only child.  He tells me so almost daily.  Lately I've been planting a seed in Q's heart for the children of the world who are homeless and have no parents at all.  Somewhat reluctantly, he is realizing he may have a very large family one day, with brothers and sisters from around the world. 

I stumbled upon this blog called kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com recently and it has opened my eyes to a whole world of orphans yes, but also people trying to do something about it.  Katie is a mother of 13 adopted orphan girls from Uganda, where so many children are left either abandoned or orphaned due to AIDS or poverty or both.  Katie has started a non-profit organization that helps the poorest of the poor go to school, have clothes, and feeds them two meals a day.  Her ministry and her organization has grown by leaps and bounds over the past few years.  I started reading her book, "Kisses from Katie" and I had goosebumps the whole book.  This young woman is amazing.  Katie is 22 and has done more for the 'least of these' than most of us will ever do in our life time.  She is raising up the leaders of tomorrow for Uganda, and inviting the world to help. 

November 4 is Orphan Sunday.  It's purpose is to:

• Educate people about the plight of millions and millions of orphans around the world
• Involve people by sponsoring children so they can go to school, eat and learn about God 
• Get donations that go towards assisting people who want to adopt internationally.  These adoptions can go anywhere from $10, 000 to $45, 000. Organizations create grants so this becomes a reality for families who do not have the money, but have the heart to adopt orphans
• Finally, it educates and encourages people who want to adopt orphans internationally

If you want to donate to either of these causes, all you have to do is click on these links on the side of my blog.  They will take you directly to the websites.  If you have a church congregation and want to take the plight of orphans around the world to people, click on the Orphan's Sunday button.  It has all the resources, ideas, and contacts that you will need to successfully host an event. 

Think of the future of our world.  What do you want it to look like?  What do you want to do to ensure it looks like your vision?  When you tuck your babies into bed tonight, remember the ones who sleep on a mat in an orphanage praying for a mommy to kiss them goodnight.