This Gets Messy

I kind of feel like I make God roll his eyes in frustration at least 10 times per day. 

Maybe more. 

Like, I know God doesn't swear...but he might let out a little "fffffff" out once in a while in my general direction before he catches himself and bites his lip. 

Because I'm difficult.

In the past year, seemingly without any (okay, much) input from me I have:

1. Finished paying off over $10K after a very unsuccessful relationship
2. Scored my dream job
3. Had a 5lb, 6 inch diameter *benign* tumor removed (along with my uterus...)
4. Been told I have glaucoma and then told all previous signs of glaucoma have gone
5. Found a home in my dream neighbourhood, so Q can go to our dream high school and play for our dream minor hockey league
6. Lost 10lbs...

And those are just the MAJOR things.  I've also seen my BFF twice, been to Toronto to see the fam jam, went to Hawaii with Q for a week, and booked a two week vacation that takes us across the country.

That reads like a pretty fantastic year.  And of course, I am so so *so* thankful.  And I know that I have been blessed because all of these things have been beyond my power (especially the weight loss...I have no idea how that happened).  Paying off the G's, I'm not going to lie, was realllllllly hard...but I did it and it's done.

Here's the thing...

I feel like the kid at Christmas who just woke up, ran downstairs, opened all the amazing presents and then looks around at all the gifts with big elephant tears and a wobbly chin and says, "but where's the unicorn?  I really, really, really wanted an unicorn.  I *asked* for an unicorn."

I really thought my unicorn (a.k.a. husband) would have shown up by now. 

This is where God rolls his eyes.

When Mr. Ex and I broke up 9 (nine!) years ago, I had this overwhelming sense of hope that my husband was just around the corner...but here we are nine years later, and my hope has turned to apathy and cynicism and bitterness.

Our move this time is a little bittersweet, because I said the last time I moved was that the next time I moved I would be married.

I AM NOT MARRIED

And not only am I not married, I am nowhere close to being married.  I'm not even dating.

Some people don't need/want to be married.  They're good on their own. 

I am not that person. 

I crave that companionship.  I don't want to be making all the decisions anymore.  I don't want to be the one that unclogs the toilet.  I don't want to be the one to blame every time I forget something at the grocery store.  I want to cuddle.  I want to Netflix and chill, people.  I want to go on vacations together (I've never actually done that, can you believe it?!?!).  I want to make horrible dinners and burn the food.  I want someone else to pay a freaking bill once in a while.

I feel like if I *had* a uterus it would be shrivelling up by. the. day.  It would look like a raisin.  I'm not even kidding, you guys.  I'm not 25 anymore.  I am getting older by the day.  My age almost starts with a 4 and ends with an 0.  Men my age are looking for 25 year old virgins who want to start a family.  You know what that leaves me?  Probably with pervs and 60 year old's...haha. ha. My life feels like the best years are behind me. 

I'm *trying* to find inspiration and I'm trying to not feel sorry for myself and I am trying to feel overwhelmingly blessed and thankful and happy.

WHY can't I just be happy?

Okay....you guys totally felt it this time too...

God just rolled His eyes again. 

Post Op Revelations

Okay, I'm going to try to keep from getting too sappy and emotional - but no guarantees....

First of all, I feel it's really important to point out that years and years of watching Grey's Anatomy and ER did not prepare me AT ALL for this experience.  Like, at all. 

First revelation:  This is the most vulnerable I have felt in my life.   I really (really) like to be in control, and in this particular situation I had no control at all.  Looking back, I honestly do not know what kept me from running from the operating room (it might have had something to do with the hospital gown...) but I actually felt calm going in.  The room was cold.  The table was small.  The faces were unfamiliar.  I had only met the surgeon once before for a total of 20 minutes, and here I was trusting her to cut me open, take out an organ, and sew me back up.  And I get that nurses do what they do every single day, but for me it was all completely new so it would have been nice if one or two of them laughed at my stupid jokes to ease the awkwardness...

My mom tells me I have been saying *me do myself* since I was two years old.  So this was really an exercise in trusting and relying on others to help me do what I could not do myself...like sit up and walk. 

I also felt completely vulnerable trusting that my body would do what it needed to do in order to heal.  For me, this was terrifying.  Would it fight off infection?  Would the stitches take?  Would it know how to mend itself back together?  Thankfully, the answer is YES, but it was anxiety provoking, to say the least.  For those of you following, the deets:  My tumor was benign, no cancer or precancerous cells found, and approximately the size of a 18-19 week fetus.  I have a 5 1/2 inch scar that is healing awesomely.

There is nothing like something like this to make you realize how completely um...fragile...we all are.  Driving home from the hospital, I was conscious of every single car, every single red light, every single speed limit.  Like, OMG people....slow down....don't you know we could all die?!?!?!  Do you want to die!?!

Revelation #2:  I have to say that I have a HUGE appreciation for women who have C-sections (read: more than one...)  I mean, recovering from major surgery and looking after a new born baby?!?!?!?!  And doing this more than once!?!?!?!?!  Seriously blows my mind.  Women are power houses.  And the resiliency of people who have gone through horrible things like cancer, multiple and/or invasive surgeries, or extreme pain absolutely ASTOUNDS me.  Humans are amazing creatures and capable of enduring so much.  Like, two of the three people I shared the hospital room with who SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT, despite the guy in the bed beside me who cried all night long, and the incessant beeping of the nurse call button or the monitors.  Who sleeps with all that going on?  Obviously someone with good sleep meds.  But in all seriousness, to anyone who has ever gone through something outside of the norm, you have my admiration. 

Revelation #3:  I HATE being stoned.  I don't need to spend much time on this point.  Just that I would rather be in a bit more pain and be able to finish my sentence coherently than being higher than a kite.  This is a bit upsetting for me because I was looking forward to legitimately and legally being high on Percocet. I mean, I didn't even have enough of an attention span to play Candy Crush.  This must be a Type A quality...

Revelation #4: Attitude is everything.  I don't miss my uterus.  At least not yet.  I think if it were my arm or a leg that was missing and I could actually see it was gone then I would maybe grieve it a little more.  But I can't see that it's missing.  I don't miss it.  And at the end of the day, it wasn't really a choice.  It had to come out.  I come from three generations (at least) of Miller women who have had the same thing.  I am grateful.  Grateful that we found it so quickly, grateful that I am healing well, grateful that there were no major complications, grateful that I am still ALIVE.  I have a beautiful son (who....well, let's face it....everything is riding on him now as my only biological heir.  He has a lot to live up to...I hope he doesn't crack under pressure...hahahaha, just joking....he's doing pretty well, so far....). 

Revelation #5:  Single parenting SUCKS.  For the first 10 days I had a difficult time even looking after myself, so Q stayed with his dad.  He would come and visit for a few hours.  It made me realize this:  It is impossible to be a *parent* every other Wednesday and Sunday.  When Q came over for a *visit*, he was shy,quiet and things were awkward for the first little while.  I had things planned out so that we could make the most of the time we spent together.  We played board games and worked on some homework and had a cuddle session on the couch.  And then he would leave.  I didn't feel like a parent.  I felt like a friend of the family.  My opinion on co-parenting: Unless a parent is physically or emotionally abusive or there are extreme circumstances, parents should be allowed to parent their child equally - regardless of how inconvenient it might be for the other parent.  It was the worst, most helpless I've ever felt as a parent.  You cannot establish a strong relationship once a week.  It is impossible. 

Revelation #6:  I have amazing people in my life.  I'm not going to lie - I was feeling a little sorry for myself when this all first happened.  Because if you're married and something like this happens, you have someone to bounce things off of, someone to help you make decisions, someone to wake up in the middle of the night and say *What if...* or *Will you still love me if...* and I didn't have that.  I had to make decisions on my own and then deal with the repercussions...on my own.  What I will say is that I have an amazing group of friends and family who have totally rallied around me.  From my brother and sis-in-law who would FaceTime with my niece after afternoon naps to my mom who came to stay with me for two weeks and did everything for me to my BFF who dropped everything to come and stay with me for a week less than a month away from Christmas to those who checked in with me daily just to see how I was doing.  I know these people all had things to do, commitments to keep, lives to live, and they put it all aside to be with me.  It means so much more to me than I could ever say. 

Revelation  #7:  Faith is an amazing thing.  Faith is hard.  It's trusting in something and Someone you cannot see.  But I can honestly say that I would not have been able to get through this without faith. Faith that there is something bigger than me and a plan that I cannot see.  I find comfort in knowing that God's hand is in everything.  It has united me with people from all ages, races, and walks of life.  I have had people praying for me and we've been brought together by our belief that The Big Guy Upstairs has the final say - not some dumb tumor.  While I certainly don't feel invincible, I know Someone who is, and He's got His eye on me.  I'd seriously recommend this faith thing to everyone and anyone who is searching for something more. 

Those are my main revelations.  The Type A, OCD'er in me would really like there to be an even number of revelations, but what are you gonna do about it, right? 

Seven is my lucky number, so I guess it all works out in the end. 

Hurry Up and Wait

Okay, so life has thrown me a few changes lately.  And I don't really like changes.

My baby is growing up.  He doesn't need me as much anymore - or maybe he still needs me, just in different ways.

My brother and his family moved to Ontario. I've been so blessed in my life to count my brother and my sister in law as two of my best friends.  And so them leaving leaves me feeling empty.  I know deep down that this is a good move for them but I feel like a piece of me moved along with them. They took my niece with them too, despite my offers to keep her and allow them to visit her whenever they wanted.

So I've spent the past couple of months trying to reinvent myself.

I'm not trying to *find* myself.  I already know who I am.  I think I've been trying to *change* myself.  Push myself way outside of the boundaries of who I am and push myself to be more extroverted.  Push myself to enjoy things that I don't really enjoy.  I mean, I thought that I should meet new people and get out there and do new things, like maybe joining Toastmasters or an acting club or a choir.  I joined *another* dating site.  I seriously considered moving.  I considered moving in with a friend and having home stay students.  I looked into adopting a dog.

(Well, the last one is totally me. I would love, love, love a dog.)

But then I realized that all that is not me.  At least not me right now.  Because why do I need public speaking skills?  Because I can't act.  Because I haven't sung in almost 20 years.  Because dating sites are so not my style.  Because there is nothing wrong with where I live *for now*.  Because I love my friend, but I don't have what it takes for home stay students.  Because with Q I'm not home enough for a dog.  It wouldn't be fair for the dog.

And I would NOT be happy doing all that NOT me stuff.

Where does that leave me?  Where does that leave me right now?

Waiting.

It leaves me waiting.

Waiting...

But here's the thing.  Waiting is not bad.  I know what has been placed on my heart.  I know that the waiting now is preparing me for the future when my time comes and then I will be ready.  The waiting now is for rest and reflection so I will be confident when when it is time to *be*.

Presidents are not allowed to be under 35 - but seriously look at the average age of the candidates running now.  Nelson Mandela spent 20 years in jail, resting, before he was voted in as the first leader of a democratic South Africa.  And because I love women and love to support their successes...Amelia Earhart was 40 when she took her fateful flight and made history.  Mother Theresa was 69 when she won the Nobel Peace Prize.  Sarah was 90 when she had Issac.

For now, I will take the time to rest.  I will read books.  I will write.  I will read some more.  I will go for walks.  I will laugh with friends.  I will get healthy.  I will watch Pee Wee hockey games and cheer for #12.  I will help with homework.  I will try to remember to go to PAC meetings (I forget every single 3rd Tuesday every single month).

Because I know that when my times comes, I will be busy.  I will be moving mountains and I will be taking names.  (okay, I may not be that influential...but who knows maybe I will).

I don't know yet what it is I will do...maybe I'll run for office (is that a thing in Canada??  It sounds way cooler than 'I will run for MP') and revolutionize politics by being the first honest leader who really wants to make things better for all classes, whether you're homeless or a billionaire.  Maybe I'll run a Fortune 500 company (again...is that a thing in Canada???  I should really read up on Canadian catchphrases if I'm going to be running the country.)  Maybe I'll be a famous author after writing an amazing novel that changes every one's life for the better.

Truly, truly what I hope for and pray for every single day is that God will use me to change lives of young people.  I pray that he will send me a partner who wants the same.  Every day I hope for a husband who's heart also waits for me and wants to foster/adopt as many children as we can.  I hope that we can show these children that they matter and they are important and they are capable of great things and they deserve to be loved greatly.  I hope that we can plant seeds in these young minds and hearts for whatever time we have them, so that one day when they are grown and alone and faced with two choices, they will choose the good because they remember they are worth the good.

I feel this calling every day.

Every day when I hear of mass shootings, I feel this calling.

Every day when I read of the teenager who overdosed on drugs, I feel this calling.

Every time I see someone begging on the street for spare change, I feel this calling.

So for now, I wait.

I rest.

And I prepare my heart for what's next.

Ode to 2013 - A Great Year in Review

Well it's been a while since I've been here...I wonder if I remember how to do this...

Life has been crazy these last few months, and finding time to pour out my heart is difficult.  I mean, there's that, and I'm also addicted to Candy Crush.  Seriously.  Addicted.  It's not just blogging, I haven't read a book in months.  I remember really liking books.  Reading them, smelling them, spending the evening with them.  I miss books. 

I thought it was really important to chronicle 2013.  Probably way more important to me than you, but hopefully you'll enjoy the read regardless.  

2013 was a year of new beginnings. My momma got married (!) and my brother and his wife had a beautiful baby girl, their first (of many??) and my first niece.  I know that I'm a tad biased, but folks, I am telling you this is the most beautiful baby girl in the world.  One of the many benefits of being an introvert is the immense joy that I receive living vicariously through others.  No joke.  I couldn't have been any happier in these situations if they had actually happened to me.  

So Q and I downsized from a four bedroom, 3 bathroom house to a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom suite.  I thought I would feel claustrophobic in our new digs, but I actually found that I love the smaller space.  First and foremost, the cleaning takes me roughly 1/4 of the time to clean and secondly, it is just so cozy.  It's also encouraged me to purge and put less emphasis on *things* (and gives me so much more time to play Candy Crush...kidding...sort of...)

I started a new job.  It was such a great opportunity and I was in sooooo far over my head.  But you know what?  I made it through.  I learned that my capacity to learn new things is great, and this gave me so much confidence in myself.  I had a great year and enjoyed every second of it.  Then I got an even better job and had to decide between two awesome job opportunities.  Seriously.  Would you like this completely awesome job that you know you love, or would you like this new one that has the potential to be even more amazing?  How do you make a decision like that without thinking you might be missing out on something no matter which choice you make?

And those were just the physical life changing events.

I know, right?

All that, and some personal growth too?  What?!?!?!?!  Who gets that lucky?? 

2013 was a year of calm for me.  As a natural born anxiety case, this is really saying something.  There was no insane drama.  There was no unnecessary stress.  There was only calm.  

I spent a lot of time alone and came to terms with my introvert qualities.  I never really though of myself as an introvert, but the older I get, the more I enjoy quality time with myself.  Nothing delights me more than an evening alone.  I used to feel guilty about this - like I should be out with *people* doing *things*.  But spending time by myself has given me a deeper insight to me...and there can't be anything wrong with that.  I'd rather be alone than in a room full of people I can't relate to or having nothing in common with.  

I got to spend another year getting to know and getting to teach this wonderful child I'm blessed enough to call my son.  I can think of no greater reward or blessing in my life than my child.  Sometimes it's the smallest thing that gives me the greatest surge of pride, like when I give him something inconsequential and he says, "Thank you".  Nothing sounds better than "Mommy" and "I love you" and "Sweet dreams".  Just recently, over Christmas, Q was super sick with the stomach flu.  Amidst cancelled Christmas plans, I'm running around cleaning up his puke, and washing bedding and clothes, and checking his temperature, and bringing him ginger ale and I think to myself, "I freaking love being a mom".  Seriously, there is no greater gift than being able to take care of my child.  Gah, his whole life is ahead of him and I just know he is destined for great things and I want to give him the best beginning ever.  I just want to have a million kids and give them all the best start ever.  I just don't want to give birth to all these kids and there are sooooooo many kids out there that need someone to give them their best start.  I know that this is what I'm here on earth to do.  I don't want anyone to waste their potential because someone says they can't, or they're not worth it, or they're not wanted.  I want to WANT all those children in our foster care system, and give them love.

Oh....so corny, right?  I wish more people felt that way though.  You know, share the blessings around.  

But, C, what about the boyfriend....there must be one of those, right???

Nope.  Nope, there isn't.  And for the first time in my whole life, I can honestly and certainly say that I am TOTALLY okay with that.  Totally.  It's funny because this is a pretty significant life situation for most people - easily 2/3 of my friends are married or dating.  I mean, what would life be without romantic comedies?  What would Pinterest be without a "One Day" board?  What would Martha Stewart be without "Weddings" magazine?  Our whole society has placed a fair importance on being married, being doubled up, having a better half.  And don't get me wrong, I am so not opposed to it happening to me should that be the case, but I am so content with my life the way it is.  I am okay with me the way I am.  I don't need anyone else to complete me or my life.  I've been able to spend this time with my son.  Watching him grow and learn and be.  We have a really unique bond and connection to each other because it's just the two of us.  I remember falling asleep to the fantasy of finding the perfect man and having the perfect wedding and the perfect marriage.  Or looking at every man I passed, wondering, "Is he the one?"  And there's nothing wrong with having an active imagination, but wishing your life away is more of a waste than playing Candy Crush, in my opinion.  And I see God providing for me in a million other ways that make me so happy to be me. It's kind of like He's saying, "It's not time yet for you to have a husband, but in the meantime, would you like this blessing that will help provide for your needs??"  Uh. Ya.  Totally

I've become so much more spiritual.  And I don't mean yoga and feng shui.  Christians these days get such a bad (somewhat well deserved, though) rap about being these judgmental, self righteous, pious individuals whose belief is something so out there/naive/supernatural that makes them better than anyone else.  I don't want to be that person.  Ever.  I would agree that believing in a God who lovingly created each one of us in his image, then sent his one and only Son to die for our sins (because ugh, we are not perfect and we screw up soooo much) so that we could have eternal life in heaven where the streets are made of gold is pretty crazy.  On an almost a daily basis, I ask myself if I'm sure that's me.  And each time, I cannot find anything else that seems plausible to me.  I'm not stupid.  I've heard the big bang theory.  But at the end of the day, I choose to believe this instead.  Loving, well thought out, bigger plan, grace and mercy sounds so much more wonderful to me than BOOM!!! here we are, this organism reacted with this blob that became that blob and then millions of years later, here I am...a blob.  I try to live life like this:  Before I do anything, I ask myself two things, "How would Jesus react to this situation?" and "Will this right now matter when I'm in heaven?"  And then I try to do likewise.  At the end of the day, an eternity in heaven when I die sounds a whole lot more comforting than just ceasing to exist.

Okay, so what does that mean?  That means that when the Landlord fails to shovel my walk after a (relative to Vancouver) snow storm, I don't rant and rave about how careless and irresponsible he is for a home owner with a paying tenant (because this whole event won't matter when I'm in heaven).  Instead, I get the shovel and shovel my walk and his (because this is what I imagine Jesus would do, and while the snow pile won't matter in heaven, my reaction to it certainly will.)  I try to meet every situation with this formula.  Homeless person on the street asks for money, I go into to coffee shop and buy him a hot coffee and some chili.  He gets a full belly of food, and I know he's not buying booze (which, in my experience, don't really go well on an empty tummy).  

I don't want to judge.  I want to love.  I want my love to be contagious.  I want my love to be inspirational.  I want to be the example of someone who has been saved by grace.  If that makes me silly or naive, well I'm okay with that.  Totally.  At the end of the world, if I'm wrong, I will not regret my choice to live life the way I did.  And in the meantime, no one will (hopefully) be affected negatively by my decision.  And, I know from experience that living this way is so much more fulfilling than drinking myself into a coma or sleeping with another man who tells me, "It's just sex."

* Please note:  This does not mean I will not drop the occasional f bomb while sitting in rush hour traffic.

Phew...see what happens when you don't write for a while??  A novel comes out.

It almost seems like the end to Single Dating Mommy, because that's not what defines me anymore.  Not just the end of the chapter, but the end of this book.  Unfortunately, "Mommy" doesn't really have the same ring to it.  It's a little short for a blog title.  So I might keep the name, but I assure you, the content will not be the same.  

Will you join me in my new journey?  I sure hope so!!

And...here's to 2014!

Christian, Julia and Jayden

Social media has totally changed our world. 

I know, this is earth shattering news, isn't it?  Like you haven't noticed.  But bear with me...I'm not about to write a whole post stating the obvious (but that would be fun, wouldn't it???)

I was watching the News the other day.  This is odd for me.  I don't watch the News.  It's too depressing.  As someone who suffers from anxiety, watching a whole hour of people dying and fighting and bombing and raping and shooting is just too much for me.  I choose to not fill my mind with awful things.  It mean that I'm sometimes the last to know certain *big* events (like, did you know Obama got reelected for a second term!! Wow, Way to Go, Obama!!  Okay just joking, I knew that.) 

Anyways, I think I was getting my nails done and they had the News on.  Holy moly people, things have changed.  They want you to tweet them.  Twitter hasn't really caught on with me, it's too invested.  Who has the time to tweet what they're thinking every five seconds??  We've already established my mind goes a mile a second, so I'd be switching it up like all. the. time.  I wouldn't have time to do anything but tweet.  The stress to be witty all the time, too - that would kill me.  They want you to follow them on Facebook.  They want you to send in videos from your iPhone or smart phone - they basically want you to do their jobs for them, I think.  It's become much more interactive though, I guess in an attempt to stay relevant in a world where every answer to any question is just a Google away.

People use You Tube to post their *own* music videos and hope to be discovered.  People publish their own books without the need for a editor or publisher (not always the best idea...but done none the less).  People get University educations on-line.  People meet their husbands/wives on dating sites.  I even read an article about people using Craigslist for adoption instead of an agency.

People blog.  I know, right?  Totally foreign idea to me.

The amazing thing about blogging and following blogs is that you get to *meet* so many people from so many different walks of life.  I have a follower from India!!  I have a mentor in Washington.  I have fellow mom followers.  I have single women followers.  I follow a single momma from Germany!  I follow a 22 year old mother of 13 (!!) adopted children in Africa.  Once a day or once a week, I am invited into their home and into their lives via my computer screen. 

The written word has long been valued for its depth, its beauty and its power to move and convict its followers. 

*Phew*

That was a long introduction to my point, wasn't it!?!?!

Through Facebook and through Blogger, I have been following the fight of two (now three) young children and their families who have courageously stared cancer in its ugly, evil face.  One family is a childhood friend that Facebook reconnected me with, who's daughter, Julia, was diagnosed with a tumour in her nasal cavity.  The second family, I've blogged about before, after finding his Mother's blog about her beautiful son Christian, who's tummy was riddled with tumours.  The third is a little boy - I 'met' through a Facebook support page started for Christian - named Jayden who is fighting tumours throughout his whole body.

These three children and their families have changed my life forever.  It is hard to imagine that your life could be changed by someone you've never physically met before, isn't it?  Before the Facebook and Blogging and Twitter, there wasn't much of an opportunity for this to be the case.  But my life has been forever changed for the better, because of three brave children.  I love these children.  I love their families.  My heart rejoices with their triumphs and sinks with their set backs. 

The faith that has been shown by these families in the face of utter devastation has touched my heart.  I find with my perfect little life, with my healthy happy child, I cry out to God in desperation, "Where are you??  Why can't I feel you?  Do you exist???  Are you there?"  These families, in the face of an untimely death of their child, their baby, in the face of insurmountable odds against a miracle and complete healing, with doctor's saying, "All we can do now is wait...", what did they cry??  They cried, "God, you are here.  We feel your presence.  You are here."

My faith in God has grown more in the past few months because of these families than it has grown in the whole of my adult life.  That is pretty significant.  I read of a young five year old boy - dying of cancer, lying in a hospital bed, with so many tubes you could hardly make out where is body was - upon hearing a new worship song, raised his hands in praise.  I want a faith like that.  Jesus spoke to Christian and told him he would heal his body, "he told me three times" Christian whispered to his family.  I want to be that close to Jesus, that I can hear his whisper in my ear. 

It breaks my heart with sadness to say that Julia and Christian both died on the same day.  I don't understand why God chose to take them so early.  I know their families are beyond heart broken, and this makes me so sad.  We were all praying for an earthly miracle, but Christian and Julia were both healed.  They are in perfect form in Heaven, with no pain and no tumours, no tubes and no chemo.  They touched more people in their short time here than many do in their whole life.  I think God used them to teach us all about faith and love.  People from all over the world followed Christian's Mommy's blog.  People all over the world prayed for the first time, or the first time in a long time, that God would heal him.  Some people (me included) had their faith renewed in a God they doubted.

Isn't that a wake up call to faith?

Doesn't it sound so much more appealing to face death with peace than with fear?  While these families are mourning the loss of their children taken too soon, they believe without failing that these children are safe now, and free from the horrors of cancer.  Julia can see now, with both eyes.  Christian can run and jump with energy that was taken from him here on earth.  If they had earthly bodies, their hair would grow back long and healthy and beautiful.  I think it's important to recognize that cancer did not win. 

I'm so sad that Christian and Julia died.  I wanted so much for an earthly miracle so I could say, "See?  See what God can do?"  But their lives were a testament that so many of us will never get to experience. 

And Jayden, he has people praying for him all over the world 24 hours a day.  Every moment of every day, someone is praying for complete healing for Jayden, peace and strength for his family.  There aren't many people in this world that unite people from all walks of life, all over the globe, but these three children did just that.

And I am forever changed. 

Are you?

http://christiansfight.blogspot.ca/

http://www.gofundme.com/1iufdg

If you follow me on facebook, look for the open group, 24 Hour Prayer for Jayden and Christian.