Sunday, June 21, 2009

The Rules

So, I watched "He's Just Not That Into You" the other night. I might have read the book a few years back...but didn't pay it much attention. The core theme through out the book is that if a man wants to be with you, he will move mountains in order to do so, if a man wants to talk to you, he will call you. In theory, it totally makes sense. We've been conditioned as women to think that if a man treats us like shit, it's because he likes us and doesn't know how to deal with his the pulling of pig tails in elementary school. But if a man isn't talking to you, most likely it is because he doesn't want to. I get this. It has taken awhile, but I can now confidently say, I understand this concept...totally... Guys have been given mixed signals. Like the "woman's lib 'movement' girl" aka - do not approach me. If I want to talk to you, I am woman enough, I am confident enough, I will come to you. Then there's the "Rules Girl" aka - If a man wants to call me, he'll make the first move. Which, of course, is not to be confused with the "Games Girl" aka - If you can't tell I'm interested by the way I'm twirling my hair around my finger, then I am not going to even consider talking to you. Then there's the shy girl, the bold girl, the loud girl...the list goes on and on and on. And the really crappy thing is that any of the above girls could quite possibly be the SAME girl depending on the evening, mood, and alcohol consumed. What happened to the good old days where you passed a note across the class that said "I like you. Do you like me?" and then there were 2 choices...yes or no. It should be that easy. That would make things so much more convenient for me. And yes, in my world, it's all about me. I don't have time to wait around anymore for some guy to try and figure out which type of 'girl' I am, and then make his move. I mean, I don't have time figuratively and literally. I'm getting older. Soon I'm afraid I will be an old crazy woman with 15 know the stereotype...yelling at kids from my front door in my housecoat. I mean, I do that now on occasion, but I'm yelling at MY kid, so I think it's okay. The movie ends by every single love story (I think there are at least 4 or 5) ending in exceptions to the rule. I'm not sure if they did this on purpose or tongue in cheek or just because reality is too depressing and we all gravitate to the feel good rom-com's. The truth is you can't put rules on feelings. You can't control how you feel, how you fall in love, nor even with whom you fall in love sometimes. Love happens. It happens online, it happens in person, it happens when you're least expecting it. The only 'rule' I attest to is this, "be open to love." Be open to the possibilities. Be open to the beauty, be open to the happiness, be open to the experience. Let down your guard and know that it is a gift to love someone and have them love you in return. I'll suffer a hundred broken hearts for the one who will heal. Yes, many times happy endings only happen in the movies, but I've heard it said, "if it's not happy, it's not the end." Oddly enough, I've never been more content to be single as I am as I write this. I am not looking for "the one." I am not feeling lonely or alone or like there is a void that needs to be filled. I am content. I have been blessed beyond belief. Taking happiness from that is an awesome experience. I can throw away the "Dating makes you want to die, but you have to do it anyway", I can ditch the POF account for good, I can stop reading the "dating guide, 40 ways to know he's into you' (booooooooring). If it happens, it happens. If not, I'll go out and buy a couple kittens and call it a day :)

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