Monday, October 5, 2009

Ghosts of Boyfriends Past

I'm pretty sure I've referenced this before. The past two months have been filled with continuous reminders of boyfriends past. (Which, might I point out is so unfair, Scrooge only had to deal with ONE night...) But if they're not visiting me in my dreams, they're calling me or texting me, and my resolve is growing thin. Thing is, my dreams, for the most part, are filled with the boyfriends I'm still attracted to. They aren't the boyfriends that I went running for the hills from. They're the ones who I had 'unfinished' business with. And the boys that are calling me, ya.....same thing....
One in particular. I mean, this guy is amazing. He makes my heart go pitter patter. We agree on most things and what we don't agree on, we're content to disagree. He 'gets' my sense of humour, he 'gets' my faith. He makes me laugh, he makes me feel safe. He's supportive, he's respectful. We've been friends (and nothing more) for nearly three years. So, what's the big deal. right? What's holding me back? Take the plunge and don't look back. Except for one little thing...he's married. I think i just heard a collective 'Ohhhhh....'
Of course, I know deep down that this isn't really a dilemma at all. There are no options here. He is Mr. Married, and so I must just move on. It's soooooo hard, though. I know that I am being tested. This, Mr. Married texting me all day long "Good Morning, Sunshine." (ugh, I'm Sunshine. How perfect is that?) And he's surprisingly intense after almost six months of silence. Nothing. And then, boom....
He's the lure. He's the (hopefully final) test. Get past this, and hopefully it will be made clear that my ways have changed and I am not looking for random trysts and sordid love affairs. I am looking for a concrete, pure relationship. It seems as though I am soooooo close, and yet so very, very far away. Whom ever said good was easy.....

1 comment:

  1. Run! Run like the wind. In the other direction. A moth fluttering near the flame will eventually burn its wings and fall, prey for predators. 'Tis best to avoid the candle.

    (Your U.S. Mom)