Thursday, October 22, 2009

A Mailbox is for Mail

At the Post Office, you see all sorts of things. Most I can't tell you for "security" reasons. Believe me, you can count yourself lucky, because when I say "security" reasons, I mean bore you to death reasons...seriously. On a good day, my life is like 'Groundhog Day' know, the movie with Bill Murray where he relives the same day over and over and over...ya, kinda like that. The mail comes in, the mail goes out. And just when you think you've seen the absolute last piece of mail, yet another one shows up. I can tell you that one country, for "security" reasons (let it be known that here on in, whenever I say "security", it will come in quotation marks, because that is what I'm doing with my fingers when I say "security"...) sews their bags shut. Now every country does seal their mail bags for obvious "security" reasons, but sewing it shut, doesn't that seem a little like overkill. Who, I'd like to know, is the sorry bastard who has that job? And is it by hand? Because if it is, then there really is a job worse than mine!
And I can probably tell you that the strangest thing I've ever seen mailed is this:
    • Clothes
    • Toys
    • Small Child

Now, we're pretty sure that what they meant was there were clothes and toys for a small child in the box. I say 'pretty sure' because we didn't actually check...and secretly, I think we're all waiting for a news story out of India about a small child that was mailed by Canada Post. And there would be a quote from the shipper that said, "Well, I wasn't trying to hide anything...I declared it..." I say we're all still waiting because it was sent surface, which is postal jargon for 'by boat' which is a good 6 to 8 weeks, if we're lucky.... Another person didn't have a stamp, so she taped .54 cents to the envelope... You'd be surprised how many people drop their rent money, or their Visa payment or their pay check in the mail in a completely nondescript blank, unsealed envelope. Of course, it's usually a wad of crisp 100 dollar bills - $3000.00, once. But I think you'd all be more surprised at how many people get said envelope back with all the cash inside (us posties might be a lot of things, but we believe in honest pay for an honest day.) Wallets, and cell phones, and hotel keys (oh my!) You'd also be surprised (and by surprised, I mean disgusted) by what people put inside mailboxes. Dirty diapers, used tampons, feces (maybe dog, maybe human...I'm not about to do any 'tests'), used syringes, broken glass, a loaded gun (street letter boxes come in handy when you're running from the law...) These are just a few of the things we've seen. Nothing is more exciting than opening a bag of mail after a long weekend, let me tell ya. But I've also seen a couple of interesting companies that I thought I'd share. If you're crazy about buying online, you might want to check these places out... - super trendy, cheap clothes...need I say more? - honestly, I'd buy just because of the absolutely creative name, but discounted brand name shoes...well, twist my rubber arm... - now, I'm not one to ride a bike, something about the seat being less than a third the size of my arse, but I'm a sucker for a box with cool writing, so I googled...

And of course, my favourite, all your addiction needs rolled into one!

1 comment:

  1. People have dropped their portable harddrives into the mail and banking deposit pouches when I was in what used to Mail Prep.
    Worst thing, a dildo (gigantic) which, of course, had to end up on the belt with all the sensitive ladies who screamed blue murder. In fact, I thought they *were* being murdered back there. I was 27 or so and got to deal with it. I called Udo. :p
    Half eaten sandwiches too! I mean, WTF, colour blind, can't tell it's a postal box not a garbage can?!? Ahhh, I see, it's the ones with a sense of humour. Too bad that I had none, lol!