Saturday, November 5, 2011

Single White Female Seeks...

After yet another mildly depressing episode whereby I developed a crush on someone who, of course, was not interested back, I have decided that something has to change.  First, I'd just like to say that this guy really did check most of the boxes on my list.  Tall, funny, single (I know, right?), super nice guy, a manly man.  He didn't have a British accent, might be asking a lot...especially seeing as how I live in Canada, but I'd really like a man with a British accent.  Anyways, for whatever reason (uh...he's crazy?) he's not into me.  He was putting all the signs out there, too, guys...I was so sure he was into me too.  It's probably for the best.  I was upset for an evening, but then I stopped being sad and decided to be happy instead.  I told myself this is not how this has to end.

I've basically resigned myself to the idea that I'm meant to be single for the rest of my life.  The completely irrational side of my brain says that I'm being punished and my punishment is never ever finding a man who will love me.  I'm comfortable too, in my single-ness and it's really very scary to me, the idea of meeting someone and embarking on something new.  It's so outside my comfort zone.  I would really be so happy if it could just be someone who I've known forever and suddenly I love them and they love me.  It just hasn't happened that way.

Meeting someone in the grocery store hasn't happened for me, either.  Nor has the doctor's office or the soccer field or waiting for my son to get out of school on a Friday afternoon.  Starbucks is great for coffee, but I've not met my soul mate while sipping a nonfat pumpkin spice latte.  The man of my dreams has not come up to me while I'm pumping my gas, and I'm beginning to think he most likely won't, either.  My hobbies are solitary hobbies...I like doing sudoku and crossword puzzles, I like reading.  Can you imagine how creepy it would be if some guy starts doing my sudoku puzzle over my shoulder?  Not to mention how annoying it is when you're reading a book and someone keeps interrupting you to "talk".  

Let's face it, if I'm not with Q I'm at work and if I'm not at work, I'm with Q.  This is how my life goes.  I'm not going to all of the sudden take up sky diving or rock climbing just to meet someone.  I don't like to ski, and doing so just to find a mate seems even less appealing.  I'll sit by the fire and drink coffee and read a book in the lodge...but please don't interrupt me while I'm reading....


So, I've joined Plenty of Fish again.  I know, I know...I said I never would.  But I don't know how else to meet someone.  It's like on line shopping, you can check out everything you need before you order it.  I can pick all the qualities I want, and if they have just even one thing I don't like, I can completely veto them without a second thought and without feeling guilty for hurting their feelings.  And men can do the same to me, for that matter.  My brother and his *fiancee* met through a dating site.  Why can't I?  And I'm not paying for it this time, so that's uh....different from last time...

Whether it works or whether it doesn't, at least I'm doing something to change the way the story ends.  I don't have to be single for the rest of my life.  Being single, really, is a choice I've made as a result of my actions.  It's a punishment I've given myself for whatever reason.  Guilt, maybe?  Fear possibly.  If you continue to do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got.  

So I'm super picky, so I'm freaked out of my mind, so it's completely out of my comfort zone, maybe it's a step in the right direction.  And if not, then hopefully it'll be good for the blogging, especially since I've been totally lacking in subject matter lately.  So, I'm not even doing this for me people...I'm doing it for you.  

You're welcome.

Geez...the things I do for your guys...

1 comment:

  1. "Being single, really, is a choice I've made as a result of my actions. It's a punishment I've given myself for whatever reason."

    Try not to judge yourself so harshly. While it may have been a choice, it obviously was a necessary one for you to make, and possibly for reasons not yet known to you. Sometimes choosing to be on your own means it's all about you: time for your priorities in your life, time to grow, time to be, time to become the wonderful person that you are.

    There's no doubt in my mind that there's someone out there just waiting to be found by you. Do remember, though, that just as we choose to be on our own, we also choose who we love. ;)

    Sometimes it's about the fun along the journey, rather than the destination. Enjoy the trip! :)