Part Two - About Me

Welcome to my three part series (it might be more...depending on whether something else strikes me as funny/ironic/pathetic in this whole online dating experience) on what to expect when you're online dating.  Today, we will look at what men say about themselves in their "about me" portion of their profile.  The funny thing about this is that a lot of men write what they think women want to hear.  Men have no idea what women want.  Most women don't know what they want...

There are two categories of profiles - those men who have the gift of gab and love to talk about themselves and those who couldn't be bothered to take the time to write anything at all.  One guy actually copied and pasted the obituary for Kim Jong-Il as his *about me*.  He probably thought he was being very funny.  But to me, I just thought he was wasting his time and mine.  Another guy who 'considered himself to be somewhat of a writer' spent 8 paragraphs narrating how we would meet....it started off something like, "It was a dark and stormy night" or "their eyes met from across a crowded room".  I can't really remember because I lost interest after the second sentence.  I don't want someones life story....okay, really I do...but I want the nutshell version, the Cole's notes.  How you grab my attention here determines whether I want to know more later on...

Every man is the same:  Easy going.  Likes to laugh.  Laid back. Funny. Hard working.  Every man likes the same things:  Sports.  Long walks.  Cuddling (riiiiight).  Movies.  Every man is looking for the same thing:  Pretty.  Nice. No drama (ps.  do you really think women know they're drama?  And that they'll read your profile and go, "oh darn, I'm high drama...on to the next"?  No, insane women do not know they're insane.) Open minded (ps. this is code for kinky sex, okay ladies...just breaking it down for you and keeping it real.  It does not mean they want to discuss politics while one of you plays the devils advocate.  It probably means a threesome.)  It makes me wonder.  If every man is looking for the same thing, why are there soooo many relationships that fail?  Or first dates that go nowhere?  Maybe it's because men don't really say what they're looking for, for fear women would never even give them the time of day.  Maybe...

Presantation ,is evrything.  Dont you think ?I ,for one know that right now your most likely looking atht e spelling errors and punctuation ,not so much what i"m saying .Not to mention , this is really hard to do . theres green and red all over this paragraph .  My computer is having a OCD panic attack . its screaming ,"you have spell and grammar check .woman." i"m having a ocD attack .And i do it right and then have to go back and make it incorrect .I cannot tell u how many profiles r written like this .  i lose all interest . compltetly .  obviously ,these people do not care to make a good impression .

And geez, there are a whole lot of bitter, jilted men out there.  Some of them don't have the filter to hide that in their profile.  They start with, "If you're looking for some guy to support your shopping habit, you can just keep looking." or "I had enough drama with the last woman I met on POF, so crazies need not apply".  One said, "If you need your guy to be taller than 5ft 6' and religious for you to be attracted, then keep looking because I don't need someone so superficial.  I won't even get started on the height, but come one...religious beliefs are not superficial, neither are cultural beliefs.  Gentlemen, we are putting our best selves forward here...no one wants a negative Nelly.  We've all got baggage, but the whole point is to keep it hidden deep down inside until the other person has fallen madly in love with you.  All kidding aside, I'm not exactly baggage free and I'll totally admit to being skeptical about this whole process, too but I'm not going to write all the negatives.  I'll save that for the first date.

So, in closing...keep it short, but not too short.  Not too depressing, but not to optimistic, either...a nice balance of realism.  Keep a nice balance of humor and sarcasm, vulnerability and strength.  Use your spell check - and your grammar check.  Heck, get someone to proof read if necessary.  But don't get someone else to write it, though....we'll find out.  Trust me.   

Super easy, right?