People Who Have Written Books...

...other than me, that is...because I, uh....haven't.  Yet.

1.  'Snooki'

Snooki drinks so much that she passes out in a "garbage can" at least once a month and thinks the best way to get over a hangover is to drink more.  I've never ever watched the show she's on and I can't imagine that I ever will.  I don't know how she got a t.v. show and a book deal, but she did.  I'm pretty sure this is a memoir...a whole book glorifying getting so drunk you start cat fights with strangers.  Oh wait...it says it's a novel...hmmmm, okay, it's a novel that glorifies getting so drunk you start cat fights with strangers.   Absolutely ridiculous!

2. Tori Spelling

Famous for her nose and boob jobs, fighting with her mother and stealing some one's husband (while also cheating on her own), she's written not one, not two, but three autobiographical 'self help' books...about parenting, go figure.  And now she's also written a children's book about a rich little girl - that's a big stretch of the imagination, huh?

3.  Hilary Duff

She's written a novel.  A paranormal love story.  I. Can't. Wait. (ummmm....yes, yes I can...) 

4.  Lauren Conrad

One of those people famous for being famous, a spawn of reality T.V.  She's written two novels (an L.A Candy story...sounds super fun, doesn't it?  I love candy...) and a book on style. 

I wonder.  If Hilary Duff and Snooki can write a book...and get someone to publish it....and then get someone to buy it...it must not be all that difficult to do.  It's absolutely an insult to literature in general.  Can you imagine if Shakespeare was still alive?  He's probably rolling in his grave as we speak.  Doesn't it make a mockery of epic novels like "To Kill a Mockingbird" and "War and Peace"?  Oh, or what about "Life of Pi".  I know, I know, you're not supposed to judge a book by it's cover (or it's author), but we all do it.  Oh, don't lie...you know you do.  You've never ever bought a book because you liked the cover?  I have.  Many a time, I'm not afraid to say.  Some have failed to deliver.  My true secret for picking a book (other than word of mouth, of course) is to open a book to any page and just start reading.  If I want to keep reading, I usually buy the book...but I think I've gotten a little sidetracked. 

I'd better get on it.  Writing a book, that is.  But I don't have a cult following, fake boobs or a problem with drunken binges...

I need a gimmick.  Hmmmm.....

Or a really, really good idea....

Or talent....

Or all of the above.