Weighty Issues

I've not been very secretive about the fact that I've gained a whole lotta weight since quitting smoking *four* times in two years.  Usually, I don't have any issues with my body.  I mean, I'm no Victoria Secret Model...I'm lacking about 4 inches in height and that's not going to ever change, so you know, there's that.  But I like that I'm curvy and that I have hips, a waist and a nice rack (haha!!)  I think that my body is an amazing vessel that does incredible things.  For starters, my body pushed a 10lb 6oz baby with a 14in head attached to a 21in body out of a tiny little 10cm hole.  Then there's the whole thing my heart does - pumping blood through my veins, that's pretty spectacular.  It's incredible to me that every second of every day my body is creating new blood cells to replace all the old ones that have died off.  Also, It's pretty neat that I can walk.  I think that's awesome!!

If I were to have plastic surgery (which I never, ever would because I'm too afraid of the pain) the only thing that I'd really, really want is a bigger nose.  But I don't think that's the point of this post really, is it?

Lately when I bend over to tie my shoes (or even just put them on) I get winded.  I'm winding myself.  I weighed myself on this scale we have at work because I refuse to buy one (I'd be weighing myself every other minute) and I'm really hoping it was malfunctioning.  It read 122kg...that's like 268lbs.  That's like, um...obese for my height.  I quickly jumped off and jumped back on again, and evidently lost 82kg in three seconds, because this time I was only 40kg. 

We have this beautiful elliptical machine that I've been staring at for the past month.  It was quite the work out putting it together.  It's daunting, really.  Having to lose 20kg, that is.  Although, the elliptical is a little daunting too. 

Three days. 

I've been using the elliptical for three days now.  I die every time I get on it.  I'm starting out slow...baby, baby steps.  Today I went for 20 minutes, walked (ellipted?) 6 kilometers and burned 200 calories.  And I feel good.  I feel really good.  I feel like I want to do it again tomorrow and the next day and the next day. 

The only problem is that it tells me how many calories I've burned.  That means I look at a chocolate bar and think, "I can't eat that.  That will take 20 minutes to burn off.  Is it worth 20 minutes??"  So maybe it's not so much a problem as a reminder...a reminder that I can't eat that piece of cake or that pastry or that chocolate bar.

I keep looking in the mirror, trying to see if I've lost any weight.  Trying on my jeans, trying to see if there's an inch movement.  I mean, it's been three whole days.  I should start to see changes after three whole days.  Q say he can "definitely" tell that I've lost weight.  The kid is so good, I should seriously consider paying him for his efforts!  He also tells me that I'm doing really well and refills my water bottle for me.  His encouragement is appreciated, especially around the 18 minute mark.  It's totally genuine too. 

The struggle continues...