Wow, where does the time go? Five years have gone by so fast. It's so cliche, I know, but it flies by. In some ways it feels as though it were just yesterday that Q was born and in others it feels like a lifetime ago. His birthday is also a reminder that the older he gets, the older I am. But then I remind myself, this isn't about me!
I can remember exactly how I felt when I looked at him for the first time. I remember the doctor saying "It's a boy!" and thinking, "well of course he is." See, we didn't know the sex before he was born, but I knew. I knew. One day a friend said she had a feeling I had a boy, and I felt this little flip in my stomach and I just knew. I wanted to call him Owen and when I spoke to him as I rubbed my tummy, I would say "Oh, little O, your Momma loves you!" His father, however, thought that Q would forever be haunted by Danny Devito's character in 'Throw Mama From the Train' who coincidentally was named Owen, and so baby O became Q. (I know you ask what 5 year old has watched this movie 25 years after it came out, as I asked the very question myself. My only answer to this is that there is no explaining dumb.)
Other aspects I can't remember at all. I close my eyes and try to remember my baby and his smell and it gets fuzzy. It's almost impossible to me that the 5 year old standing in front of me used to be my baby! I asked him today if he felt any different as a 5 year old and he replied, "Actually," (this is his new word, act-chew-alley) "5 feels the same as 4. I think maybe I need to go to sleep first, and when I wake up tomorrow, then I will feel 5."
Of course having the party next week (summer babies...cursed by vacationing friends...) just confuses things even more... "so, I'm 5 but I'm actually still 4?!?!???" Unfortunately, I had to work this evening, but I made sure to call him at 9:51pm and wish him a happy birthday.
"Five years ago tonight, you and I had a date my love! Do you want me to sing Happy Birthday to you?"
"No," he replied, "Just practice for when I wake up in the morning!" Geez, the pressure is on!
If you had asked me five years ago where I would be now, well...'here' would not be my answer. But wow, what an amazing gift my son is. Everyday he opens my eyes to a new and beautiful world. He is a constant reminder of everything that is pure and innocent and wonderful. I love his personality, I love his sense of humour. I love the person he is becoming. I look at him sometimes and my heart swells with such love I cannot even explain it. And if I could I would kiss him all day, every day. I will never tire of his kisses, and I love to be his Mommy. I am blessed beyond words to have him in my life. So, while the last five years may not have been what I expected, I wouldn't trade them for the world.