Saturday, August 1, 2009

Pity Party for 1

I don't often feel sorry for myself, but tonight I do. It's another Saturday night watching cartoons with Q and I feel down. Every so often I am reminded it is just him and me against the world. I was reminded of this when we went on our road trip at the beginning of the summer. When we pulled into the gas station, or the McD's, or just about anywhere, there was the the picture of the perfect family. Dad pumping the gas, kids laughing in the back, mom buying the snacks. I know every family has a 'story' and no one is as perfect as they seem. But geez, it would be nice to not be alone.
Tonight were the final fireworks in there competition and I really, really wanted to go. ( But I didn't want to go alone. They're always really crowded and loud and I hate people when they're pushing me and yelling in my ear. I don't know - it's a huge peeve of mine. Where have manner's gone? (I'm digressing here, I realize...but when you bump into someone, it's just polite to say sorry. I'm just saying...) At least if I go with someone, they can run defence for me (and ensure I don't do something I may regret later.) Besides, how fun is it to watch fireworks by yourself. Oooohing and Ahhhhing to yourself just isn't the same. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't be completely alone, of course Q would be there however adult company is always welcome. Especially at midnight with a tired kid whom I've been carrying on my shoulders for the past 2 hours. Back up is necessary for sanity with an (almost) 5 year old.
Tomorrow we're going to the water slides. By ourselves. No one else can (or will) come with us. There will be the perfect families. You know, the dad, the mom, the kids all laughing and frolicking like a fricken commercial for happiness. I want the hubby who will go down the slides with the kids while I read my magazine or sun tan. I am coveting family right now. Like really bad. I am trying to create a wonderful cohesive life for Q. One where he will look back on his childhood and smile at the memories. Am I doing that? Do I do enough? Would having a daddy at the waterpark really make that much difference? I guess I won't know for the next 15-20 years. For an instant gratification gal, 15 -20 sounds like a life time (oh, kinda is...)
I was hoping mr. (un)fab would have popped in the pic some time today and we would have made plans to go together. Or maybe my brother and his girlfriend could fit us in. But looks like it'll just be us. Interesting how mr. (un)fab conveniently disappears when the plans are being made. Anyways, pity party for 1. 'Coz that's just how I'm feelin'...

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