Saturday, August 15, 2009

Um, ya...not so much

This week has been the longest week ever. On Wednesday, I thought it was Thursday. By Thursday, I was convinced it was Friday. But now, it's really here. It is Friday night and here's my list of things I am so not coveting right now.
1. Flawless by Secret. I cannot tell you how long I have wished for flawless armpits. Seriously. Some nights I used to lie awake for hours dreaming up a way for my armpits to be flawless. It seemed to me that even if my life was in utter chaos, if my armpits were flawless, everything would be okay. Imagine my sheer joy when I found deodorant that promised just that, and flawless in five different ways. Actually, it was on sale 2 for the price of 1...and I understand why. It does not make my armpits flawless. In fact, I can't even picture what flawless armpits would look (or smell) like. Aren't armpits like the ghetto of the body anyway? Anyhow, it clumps. Nice white clumps on your nice black t-shirt or your LBD...who hasn't wanted that, right? And the fragrance choices are not my cup of tea. I like the good old standard baby powder smell, and evidently baby powder and flawless do not go hand in had. And the number 1 reason why I'm not crazy about it is, doesn't work. Last week when it was crazy hot here and I was working in an non-air conditioned building for 8 hours, I (*gasp*) smelled. I am a girl, I don't sweat. It's Secret's job to make sure that happens. Grade: F...not flawless at all.
2. I'm not a big fan of chap stick or lip balm. It's usually really thick, smells gross and tastes even worse. But in the aforementioned heat, my lips got really dry, which I don't really understand, but whatever. I try to avoid it because I always break out in these zits on my lip line because they're too greasy, and then I look like I have a cold sore, which I absolutely do not. I broke down and bought Blistex Deep Moisture Renewal, which promised to make your lips look younger. Yup, younger. And deep moisture, how you could resist that promise, I just don't know. And it smells nice, it tastes kinda fruity, and it's not too thick. However, it makes my lips drier than they were when I put it on. I think there might be a flaw in the product. Grade: C-, flawless armpits - maybe not. Flawless lips - absolutely essential.
3. Cigarettes. I know, I know, who actually likes them. Well, I guess people who smoke 4 packs a day would say they like them. I quit smoking after 10 years of smoking in January. I made a New Year's Resolution to have smoother skin and ended up quitting smoking instead. Then in June, on my 5 month anniversary of not smoking I had a cigarette. And it was glorious. Truthfully, I got this horrible buzz, felt like I was going to throw up, and coughed up a lung. So, I decided to have another one, just to see if it happened again. And then it all came back to me. The smell, the feel of the smoke in my hand, the taste. I'm so mad at myself. Quitting was the hardest thing I ever, ever had to do. You know, they say it's harder than quitting heroin (and boy, was that hard for me...haha...ha.) And I did it cold turkey. Every time I smoke now, I feel guilt. Guilt for letting myself down, letting my son down, letting my family down. One in two people die from smoke related illnesses. I'm inhaling formaldehyde, for eff's sake. I feel sluggish, my muscles ache, and I feel guilty. Grade: F (for me. I fail.)
4. Food. If I'm not smoking, I'm eating. Guilt, guilt, guilt. I need to create a healthy relationship with food. Chocolate should be a food group, and then I would be set. Grade: A (for food in general), D (for my eating habits)
5. Revolutionary Road. In a word, ugh! Boring. I understand that they had to create a premise for discontentment, but come on - an hour and a half of boring. Even the affairs were boring. But it's one of those movies where you have to keep watching because you think, 'Oh, it just has to get better.' The Usual Suspects was that for me, a little slow throughout and then the last five minutes make it one of the best movies ever. But not Revolutionary Road. No, it gets worse. It goes from boring to downright depressing. The only good thing about it was how it made me realize how lucky I am to love my life. Grade: D (for depressing)

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