First of Many Firsts

(a.k.a Bring It On!!)

wow. I look old...

Do you remember your first day of school? The smell, the sights, the sounds? I don't. Really, I truly don't. I mean, I have a shoddy memory at the best of times, but Kindergarten? Seriously, that was like 26 years ago **GASP** There's this picture of me on the first day of grade one. I'm wearing a maroon plaid jumpsuit with matching maroon tights and a cute pair of mary janes. It's so very early 80's. But except for the picture, I can't remember that first day either. I do remember the first day of high school, but that's only because I was scared shitless - going from a school of 100 kids to one with over 800 - and well, it was only a mere 15 years ago, and my memory isn't that bad.

Back to school was always my favourite time of year. I cannot even describe the smell of school supplies - to me just sweet glory. And, it was one of two times during the year that we would get new clothes (the other was Easter.) Mom would take me and my brother to the mall and rack up her Sears card on all things 'cool.' (As 'cool' as Sears could be, but mind you, she probably spent the rest of the year paying the card off too...) I loved back to school so much I got a job in a stationary store in grade 12. I tell ya, many an hour was spent sorting and tidying erasers and pens and paper for $6.25/hr. Truth be told, if it didn't go out of business, I'd still bet there getting high on white out and markers...

Today was Q's first day of Kindergarten. So while I don't remember mine, I will always remember his. The day my baby looked like a big boy. The day he gave me a smile and a wave, then happily followed his teacher into his new classroom. Where, I ask you, were the tears? Where?!?! Where was the fanfare? We made it through to the next chapter of our lives. I wonder if /what he'll remember his first day of his first year of the next 15 or so...

Parenting is crazy unfair, because just when you start to feel comfortable in your role as mothering an infant, they're suddenly a toddler Once you've got the hang of running after a toddler, they become a preschooler. Bring it on, bring me a newborn, I'll feed and burp him like nobody's business. But this boy in front of me...where's the manual for him? The one who talked back to me yesterday, the one who said he didn't like me anymore, then cuddled with me an hour later. Talk about mood swings!

Again, I'm left with mixed emotions. Proud of my beautiful boy and the person he's becoming. He was so brave today. Yet, I'm mourning the loss of my baby. And I wonder, does it get any easier?