Saturday, September 5, 2009

Sleeping with the Enemy

Panic attack, anyone? Seriously, WHY?
I have a highly irrational fear of bees or wasps or hornets. Like ,when I say irrational, I mean super irrational. I have been known to scream like a little girl and freak the hell out if one even thinks of buzzing my way. I joke *haha* that it's the only time that I would put my child in front of myself in order to protect me. Just a joke, except that sometimes the panic is so ridiculous, I can't control it and I hide behind my Q in the hopes they will detect the sweet scent of his youth and leave me alone. I guess one reason why this fear is so completely stupid is, well, see...I've never actually been for all I know, I'm fearing a tickle, or a love tap, or a kind of a high five from the bee world. Or maybe it hurts like a son of a B and my fear is not only totally rational, but warranted, as well.
You can imagine my absolute horror, then, when I tell you that I have had a bee IN THE HOUSE for the past 3 days. I cannot get it to leave. It buzzes by the window and the fish bowl and I think it's moved in. I have even left the door open (thus risking more of the little devils entering my home) so it will fly out. But it does not. I think it senses my fear, and is enjoying the fact that I cannot sleep, and I'm constantly watching my back in my own home. I have never feared death (mine) while simultaneously wishing for it (B's) as I do right now. Die Bee Die.
Sadly, this is not my only ridiculous fear. I also fear heights. Like for me, 5 feet off the ground is way too high. I tell Q that mommy's aren't allowed on rides or in the McD's play place because we Mommy's just can't handle that much fun. But the truth fear of heights paralyzes me even at the top of the slide at Mickey D's...please don't ask me how I know or how long it took for me to get down. I can't visit my brother for this very reason. His stairs are on the outside of the building. And they're wood. Not steel, not concrete, but wood. How safe is that? Not very, I think. And I can see through the boards. What if I fell through the boards? What if? I'm sure stranger impossible things have happened...
I have plenty more fears, but I won't bore you with the details. At least not tonight. The bee is watching me and I think he's getting ready to make his move. There goes the neighbourhood, folks.

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