Friday, September 11, 2009

Say What?!?! A Stay at Home Who?

"Of course I made it from scratch, darling! Now go take out the garbage."
I've recently discovered this new concept that allows us mother-type people to stay on top of silly little things like laundry, house cleaning and cooking. Hold your breath, ladies. Are you sitting down? This is totally could change our world (or mine, at the very least!)
A stay at home mom or as 'they' call it "SAHM." I know. Its very own acronym, how cool is that? Here's the idea: You don't have to work. Well, not outside the home. You get to STAY home and raise your child(ren). You have time to do the laundry...wash and fold. I've heard it said you can even wash your floors during normal hours and not at 2:00am when you get home from work. You have time to clean your toilet and brush your teeth and NOT at the same time.
You send the child to these things called "play dates," which is just as it sounds. They get to frolic with other children while you can do things like bake cookies, and make extravagant dinners. During this time, you can also have a nap or watch day time t.v. shows like "Oprah" or sordid romances like "Days of our Lives." Once the children are of school age, you have much more 'free' time to wash and clean and watch t.v...
These "SAHM's" have friends who are also SAHM's and they all get together and bond over potty stories and bedtimes. They all know about being exhausted at 9:00pm and being in bed by 10:00. They don't have to say 'no' to going to the bar on Saturday nights with other singletons, because their SAHM friends are hosting dinner parties and surprisingly, the children are invited. Or they get these kids called "babysitters" to look after their children while they go out for a night on the town, and they don't feel guilty for giving themselves some 'me' time. The children are happy, because the babysitter spoils them, gives them cookies for a bedtime snack, and lets them stay up way past their bedtime watching scary movies their SAHM would never let them watch. Did I mention guilt free? You've spent all day with the little loves, 'me' time is absolutely necessary.
I know. I know what you're all do these women, these SAHM's, get their lifestyle bankrolled. I mean, if they're not leaving the house to work...where do they get the funds? Okay Ladies, get this - they have these things called 'husbands' that bring home the 'bacon' which is a whimsical word they use for money. It's brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Why haven't I thought of this before? This 'husband' could also do the icky chores like taking out the garbage and changing the oil in the car. I've come to the conclusion that this would eliminate the need for meeting, then dating other men as I'm pretty sure these husbands come with certain perks besides the money. If you're like me, you're thinking..."What, no dating? Wooohooo, more time for me!!!" Now, where do I find one of these husbands??
Of course, this is all tongue-in-cheek. I've just spent the week on vacation, doing nothing but mommy things during normal mommy hours. I took Q to school all week. I washed the floors today. I'm caught up on laundry. I have not one dirty dish in the sink. Dinner is in the oven. It's been glorious, and I'm feeling a little sick to my tummy that I have to go back to work on Monday.

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