Thursday, March 24, 2011

How Do You Know?

This morning at precisely 8:34 am, I was woken from my slumber (and an oddly familiar dream where I have to go to work, but cannot find my uniform in the piles and piles of suitcases that surround me...but more on my dreams at a later date....believe me, you'll want to tune in to that post) by screaming.  Blood curdling screaming.  It took me a minute to figure out where I was, and why I could hear the sound of a child being beaten, when I remembered...

...the evil woman downstairs.

I should state clearly that I've never actually heard or seen her beat her little girl.  She prefers the more subtle forms of abuse - verbal, emotional, mental.  She pokes and prods her daughter until she is so overwhelmed by frustration that she screams this high pitched squeal and then it turns into this low guttural moan that sounds like she's possessed. 

Example 1:

Little Girl (LG):  Mommy, I fell  *whimper*

Evil Lady (EL):  Well, why'd you do that?

LG:  I tripped and hurt my knee

EL:  You should watch where you're going.  You are such a klutz.  I tell you all the time to be more careful, but you don't listen.  If you don't want to listen, fine.  Next time, don't trip.

LG:  But Mommy, it really hurts *starts to cry*

EL:  You scraped your knee.  Don't start to cry.  What are you, a baby?  Only babies cry.


**** EL yells back:  "STOP CRYING" for 20 minutes ****

Okay so not really very nice, right?  But is it abuse?  I don't know.  She doesn't give her daughter any other option when met with an adverse situation than to yell and scream and blow up.  LG isn't learning how to deal with her emotions - like anger - in a healthy way.  I've not ever heard Q cry that way. 

Example #2:

LG:  Mommy, you know what I'm going to do when I turn six?

EL:  Don't you be talking like you're turning six tomorrow, because you're not.  You're five.  You won't be six for a few months.

LG:  Ya, I know.  But ya wanna know what I'm gonna do when I'm six?

EL:  Stop jumping.

LG:  Mommy, you know what I'm gonna do when I turn six?

EL:  Stop jumping.  You know what I'm going to do when you turn six?  I'm going to throw you off the roof.  That's what I'm going to do. 

LG:  But, you know what....

EL:  Shut your f***ing mouth, LG.  I don't want to friggen hear it.  Got it?

I was doing laundry when I heard that one.  Poor little girl.  How excited are children for their birthdays?  I know Q does a count down from the day he turns another year older.  Q's birthday is 5 months away and he already has the whole thing planned.  It's exciting for him.

My mom has spoken to EL and she just says, "Ya well it's hard being a single mom."  Obviously, I think this is a total cop out because, hello, I'm a single mom and I wouldn' dream of speaking to my child in that manner.  I don't speak to other adults that way, although I have been known to drop an F-bomb every once in a while.  It makes me angry that that is her excuse for poor parenting.  How about you're just an angry woman who doesn't know how to love a child...maybe that's it.

Example #3 (a.k.a this morning's wake up call)


EL:  I'm calling your dad right now to get you.  He's going to come and take you and you're never coming back, got that?


EL:  LG stop crying now. If you don't stop, I'm calling the police and they're going to come and take you away forever.  STOP CRYING


EL:  Fine.  Good.  I'm done LG.  I'm done.  All you ever do is scream, and I've had enough.  This is NOT your home anymore.  Got it.  Not your home.  The police are coming and they are taking you away for GOOD.

This went on for about 25-30 minutes. 

I know that most of the people who read my blog are women, mothers, sisters, aunts, single mothers, mothers of mothers, etc...what do you do?  There's this side of me that thinks this is absolutely none of my business.  And really, it's not.  She's not my child.  And is she in physical harm?  No, I don't think her mother has ever hit her.  Is she clean?  Yes, her mother has OCD...she's probably scrubbed down with bleach every night.  Is she fed?  Yes, although it smells horrid...fried foods...not really abuse. 

But by saying that, do we negate the fact that this little girl is being bullied by her mother?  That she is being mentally abused, emotionally and verbally.  The little girl has no sense of stability because when the going gets tough, her mother threatens to abandon her.  The mother is creating a monster. 

What would you do?  Would you call Child Services?  Would you leave it alone?  Would you try to intervene the next time you hear it happen?  There are so many instances where parents aren't allowed to parent anymore, the way they *used to*.  Do you know it's considered abuse to wash your child's mouth out with soap?  Not that I could or would ever, but I totally remember my brother's friends mouths being washed out - more than once.  A swat on the bum can be considered abuse.  I don't want to be a nosy neighbour, but I don't want this little girl to be treated horribly any longer.



  1. You may want to check this out...

  2. The mother was probably treated the same way and does not know any other way to handle the little girl. Is there really a father in the picture? Does the little girl go to kindergarten? Do they have any friends? Has the mother found a place to live yet? Does the mother have any outside activities? How old is the mother? Does she have a job? With all of the threats from the mom, I would guess that she is very unhappy and has very few options in her life.
    The little girl is taking the brunt of the mother's unhappiness.

  3. So many questions as posted from Franki V. All valid if one is to understand the complete and unique circumstances of this domestic situation. Very unlikely a willing father in the picture given the steady procession of men in her apartment. What is her main occupation? This could provide a clue to what is going on.

  4. The father is *sort of* in the picture. He stops by to say hi once in a while, but the mother has her all the time. They do not have a car, they never go out, and she does not have a job. She told us she has two jobs, but she never ever leaves the house, so we figure she is on either disability or welfare + child support. The mother is a few years older than I, the child was unexpected, she "changed her whole life" when she found out she was pregnant. However, whenever she speaks with us, she contradicts herself in the next sentence, so we have no idea what is the truth and what is fictional in her mind. We think maybe she's bi-polar OR that she has an addiction to either drugs or alcohol. She has extreme highs and lows and major OCD. There are so many factors that are contributing to her behavior