Saturday, April 16, 2011

Momma Bear

Being a single mom to a young boy is a difficult thing to do on the best days.  As a super girly girl, I had to read up on all things dinosaur and shark and cars and snakes.  I'm practically an expert now that I have a 6 year old boy.  A Friday night is spent watching a hockey game instead of painting our toe nails pink.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change any of it for the world.  Being Q's momma is the most rewarding experience of my life.  But I know that I lack in certain areas for him.  I mean, I'm just a mom.  Q needs a mom and a dad, often times on the same day.  Last week, Q wanted to spend the whole week with his dad so they could watch the play off games together.  While totally brutal for me, I understood the need for the two of them to bond over *yuck* hockey.

I believe it's very important for a young boy to have strong male role models.  There is a beautiful phrase..."it is better to build a boy than to mend a boy."  And while Q's dad means well, he lacks a certain thing I like to call *common sense*.  Last week, he wanted to take Q to the doctors to get his lung capacity checked because Q couldn't keep up to him when they were playing.  I think we'd all agree that a grown man's lung capacity is probably a little bit bigger than that of a little boy, but whatever.  Evidently, it just meant I didn't care about my child. 

Me:  Does he wheeze?

Him: No

Me:  Does he have coughing attacks?

Him:  No

Me:  Does he cough at all

Him:  No

Me:  Is he snuffly?

Him:  No

Me:  .....

Him:  He can't keep up with me when we run.  It wouldn't hurt to get him tested.

Me:  Well, if we're going with that theory, we might as well test him for cancer, too...

Him:  No, that would be ridiculous.

Me: ....

Early on, I told my brother it was important that he was a role model for my son.  That it was important Q learned from him how to treat a woman with respect, because we all know he's not going to get any of that from his father.  I had visions of him taking Q on hikes and them talking about *guy* things.  I imagined they'd play hockey until the sun set.  I thought they'd build a bond that could never be broken.

Turns out, I pictured it all wrong.  My brother's vision is completely the opposite from mine.  They'll start wrestling and my brother will pin Q down so he can't get up and then he makes him beg to be released.  That's his vision of teaching my son how not to be a *pussy* (his words) and I'm raising a child who has no boundaries. 

Mess with a momma bear's cub and what do you think is going to happen?  Whether or not the cub provoked the messin'?  Ya, momma bear is going to attack.  That's exactly how I felt.  I want to protect my child from every thing I can.  I don't want to break his will, I want to build his will and his character with my words and my actions.  I don't want him to be fearful of the men in his life. 

Am I wrong?  Am I over reacting?  Do I need to release a little bit of the control?  Or can I be the protector of my child?

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