Being a single mom to a young boy is a difficult thing to do on the best days. As a super girly girl, I had to read up on all things dinosaur and shark and cars and snakes. I'm practically an expert now that I have a 6 year old boy. A Friday night is spent watching a hockey game instead of painting our toe nails pink. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change any of it for the world. Being Q's momma is the most rewarding experience of my life. But I know that I lack in certain areas for him. I mean, I'm just a mom. Q needs a mom and a dad, often times on the same day. Last week, Q wanted to spend the whole week with his dad so they could watch the play off games together. While totally brutal for me, I understood the need for the two of them to bond over *yuck* hockey.
I believe it's very important for a young boy to have strong male role models. There is a beautiful phrase..."it is better to build a boy than to mend a boy." And while Q's dad means well, he lacks a certain thing I like to call *common sense*. Last week, he wanted to take Q to the doctors to get his lung capacity checked because Q couldn't keep up to him when they were playing. I think we'd all agree that a grown man's lung capacity is probably a little bit bigger than that of a little boy, but whatever. Evidently, it just meant I didn't care about my child.
Me: Does he wheeze?
Me: Does he have coughing attacks?
Me: Does he cough at all
Me: Is he snuffly?
Him: He can't keep up with me when we run. It wouldn't hurt to get him tested.
Me: Well, if we're going with that theory, we might as well test him for cancer, too...
Him: No, that would be ridiculous.
Early on, I told my brother it was important that he was a role model for my son. That it was important Q learned from him how to treat a woman with respect, because we all know he's not going to get any of that from his father. I had visions of him taking Q on hikes and them talking about *guy* things. I imagined they'd play hockey until the sun set. I thought they'd build a bond that could never be broken.
Turns out, I pictured it all wrong. My brother's vision is completely the opposite from mine. They'll start wrestling and my brother will pin Q down so he can't get up and then he makes him beg to be released. That's his vision of teaching my son how not to be a *pussy* (his words) and I'm raising a child who has no boundaries.
Mess with a momma bear's cub and what do you think is going to happen? Whether or not the cub provoked the messin'? Ya, momma bear is going to attack. That's exactly how I felt. I want to protect my child from every thing I can. I don't want to break his will, I want to build his will and his character with my words and my actions. I don't want him to be fearful of the men in his life.
Am I wrong? Am I over reacting? Do I need to release a little bit of the control? Or can I be the protector of my child?