Sunday, April 10, 2011

Let Me Organize That...

I hate Martha Stewart.  But that's only because I'm not Martha Stewart.  If I were Martha Stewart, I would love Martha Stewart.  I probably wouldn't like the fact that I spent time behind bars for insider trading, and I would probably have a bit of guilt for being such a bitch...but everything would be organized, my sweaters would be folder perfectly for the summer season, and my child would have gourmet dinners every single night.  I hate that I'm not *that* person.  The person who has an organized junk drawer.  The person who has a place for her car keys, and puts them there.  The person who makes cupcakes that look like bunny rabbits.  The person who has her shoes in shoe boxes with pictures of the shoes on the shoe box.

I could go on forever.  I really could. the person who has an all natural recipe for a face mask that makes her look ten years younger.  I once had a coworker who boiled a natural laxative, then steamed her face with it for 10 minutes every Saturday night and she looked fabulous.  Her skin was beautiful.

The problem is that it all takes so much work.  I would love to organize my closet by colour, style and season, but who has the time?  Who?  I used to.  Before I had a child and a full time job.  I swear I'd be a total Type A personality if i weren't just so tired all the time.  And lazy.  The truth hurts sometimes, and I am nothing if not truthful...I'm too lazy to be a Type A personality.  But I really, really, really wish I was one.

When Q was a baby, I went to a mom's group on Wednesday mornings.  They'd have special guests, tips on raising kids, and a craft...and after a while, I just stopped going because everyone was so....perfect.  They all had smiles, and manicures and mascara.  I had bags under my eyes, 20lbs extra, and no handy tricks for cleaning the oven.  I wanted to be like them so badly that it almost hurt. 

Anyways, there is no use in complaining about something unless you have some sort of solution or resolution or something, so it is.  The most fabulous thing ever...

Did you read what it says?  It says that you can update your home, wardrobe and life for free.  And it's all in one little magazine.  It holds all the answers.  Did you know it was so simple?  It's real simple (sorry...bad joke.)

But it gets better.  Not only can you give your life a make can also organize your life.  Again, they make it simple.  And so, so appealing.  This would be my dream job.  Writing for a magazine about organization.  I cannot imagine it getting any better than this...

Except that it is.  It is better.  Because we can do vacations simple too.  With flip flops, no less!  I love flip flops!!!  Love them!  I just bought a pair of wedge black sequined flip flops.  They're like walking on pillows.

Eeeeps!!  And weddings too?  Oh, it's almost too good to be true.  How's this for efficient and organized?  I'm going to have my whole wedding planned and *organized* before I even meet my husband!  I'll plan yours too, if you want!  I'll organize your closet and label your cupboards...

Okay, I got a little carried away there.  But this is exciting, people! 

Well, exciting for people like

Do you watch Hoarders, too?

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