Sunday, December 12, 2010

Has Panic Set in Yet?

On the third day of Christmas, the company gave to me sixty bucks an hour to supervise. Well, here we are folks…the busiest time of the year at the post office. My employees are all whistling away (I finally yelled, “If YOU’RE ALL GOING TO WHISTLE, AT LEAST WHISTLE THE SAME SONG!” Miraculously, the whistling stopped.) No one has fallen asleep, probably because of the incessant whistling. And in a crazy twist of fate, it’s me that’s trying to stay awake. If you’re like most people in the world, you’ve sent off your Christmas cards and gifts to all your loved ones around the world (complete with correct postage, of course). If you’re like me…you’re utterly shocked to find out there are only 12 days and 19 hours until Christmas.

How did this happen?  I'm NOT ready.  At all.

Here is an interesting little tidbit of trivia for you...  If you have relatives in South America, you should have sent them their Christmas card by November 29, and their parcels by December 1. Have no fear though, because for a small fortune, you still have until December 17 to get them there. If your relatives live in Africa, you have until Wednesday. Now, I’m not going to lie. You’ll probably have to sell your internal organs on the black market in order to afford it, but that’s *somebody’s* fault for not planning ahead.

Would you like some little tidbits on how to get your mail safely (and timely) from point A to point B? If not, stop reading here.

  • Print legibly. It doesn’t matter how pretty that silver pen looks with your calligraphy writing and a snow flake dotting your eye (btw..something I totally would have done pre-post office...), if our machines can’t read it, it will sit for days until we can sort it manually.

  • Make Sure the Address is Correct. Seems pretty standard, right? WRONG. We at the post office, are not mind readers (although many of my employees think they are…) Every part of the address is important, so put every part of the address in. The postal code/zip code is probably the most important part of the address, so make sure it’s there and make sure it’s clear.
  • Put a Stamp on it. One woman ran out of stamps, so she taped 54 cents to the envelope. This is not okay.
  • Do Not Send Cash. Yup…people still do this for reasons I will never understand. No, we're not going to steal it, but chances are yours will be the one card that gets snagged as you put it in the letterbox, run over by a semi truck, and ripped to shreds by a rabid dog that just attacked your mailman. A cheque you can cancel, a $20 bill is gone forever.
  • Musical Cards SUCK. Last week, in addition to the humming and whistling, I had to listen to “Jingle Bells” for 8 hours because the card was malfunctioning and just kept playing over and over and over. If you really want to play Jingle Bells for your grandson this holiday season, call him and sing it to him over the phone.

  • Give us Time. We’re human too, you know. We make mistakes. One letter going from Vancouver, BC to Vancouver, BC ended up bouncing from one part of the post office to another for 10 days before we actually got it out. It was just a comedy of errors, what can I say? It doesn’t happen often, but it does happen. Do you really want Great Aunt Martha to think you forgot her this holiday season? No, I didn’t think so.  Do as I say, and not as I do.  I have an *in* at the post office, so *fingers crossed* my Christmas cards won't get lost when I send them on Monday (or Tuesday...)
Okay, so any further questions? Check out this link…

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