After work this morning, I decided to go shopping. I knew that if I went home and straight to bed, I would lie awake in bed thinking, "Oh, I need to go here to get this and there to get that." I was being proactive. Then, I reasoned, I could go home and sleep like a baby knowing that everything I needed to do was done.
Ya. It didn't work.
I would kill for a smoke right now.
First of all, when I'm tired I'm not the most decisive person ever. I ended up wandering around aimlessly, picking things up, carrying them around, then putting them back and picking something else up. For an hour. Finally, I find what I *think* I'm looking for and stand in line. But when I try to pay, my bank card won't work. It says 'Transaction Not Completed' which to me means that there's a missed connection somewhere, but to the cashier, it means, "Oh, your card has been declined," really loud, so everyone can hear. I'm like, "No. It means that the transaction wasn't completed." And she replies, "Ya, they couldn't complete the transaction, because there isn't enough money in your account." Blasted, I'm in my uniform...you know, because I've just come from work...so I can't get all up in her face, but boy oh boy, I was really super tempted. So I calmly leave, go to the bank and take out the cash, no problem-o.
Next, I stop to pick up a remote control car for Q from my dad and it's on sale, so I'm super stoked. Go to pay for it with my card that is now working (right?) and this time it decides that I've 'Exceeded Daily Limit'. Of course, of course I have. I nearly scream at the cashier, "NO I HAVEN'T!!!! I HAVEN'T!!!!!!" But instead, I calmly smile and say, "Okay, I'll just come back later. I must be having a problem with my card."
Here I am... I've just wasted two hours that I could have spent sleeping. And I just checked my bank account. Absolutely nothing is wrong with my card. There is money in there, just like I knew there would be. I have not exceeded my daily limit. Ugh. I want a cigarette so bad...
It's been almost two months, FYI. On Saturday, I will be two months smoke free. How is it possible that I could still really, really, really want one? Maybe I should go to bed. You can't crave a ciggie when you're sleeping, can you?
That is, if I can sleep. I'll probably just lie awake, thinking of all the things I *still* need to do.
I know that feeling so well. I used to go shopping after midnight shift too. First I would go for breakfast with my friends and then we would head off to the stores. I would wander around in a daze and buy things that I really did not need. It was some kind of strange pre-sleep sleep walking. The body fights with the mind for supremacy. Eventually, the body wins when the mind just gives up.
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