My Daddy's Birthday

I've noticed that this blog is really just about me.  If you notice, most posts start with the word "I" or "My"...

Hmmmm.  Anyways...

It's my daddy's 70th birthday today.  I can't believe he's 70 years old.  He's back in Calgary and time constraints and money meant that I couldn't fly home to celebrate with him.  It sounds like it's okay, though, because he doesn't want a big celebration until he turns 75.  I guess 70 isn't a big enough deal for a party.  I guess I have five years to save up for his shindig in 2016.

Because I couldn't be there and because I work with a bunch of scrapbooking fiends at work who are always talking about it.  (Two of them are going on a *scrapbooking retreat* in Drayton, Alberta - A.K.A the middle of nowhere.  We're joking that it's Thelma and Louise, the later years...because of course they survived that crash off the the cliff.)  Anyways, it gave me the itch.  The creative, must create, artsy fartsy itch.  So I spent a few evenings and ended up with these...



I gave my dad the one in the back...the manliest of them all!



Granted they all turned out a little girly.  But I'm a girl, so it kind of goes with the territory.  So much fun though.  I wish I had more time and energy...not to mention the money.   Q's whole first year was scrapbooked, and then like a total cliche, I ran out of time.  Usually happens with the second child, but I'm a little abnormal.  Oh, and I'm a single mom who works full time.  Maybe I'll get to it all when Q is 18...

Life is Good

Thank you to Rain Drops over at http://thedoveandtheraven.blogspot.com/ who nominated me for the *Life is Good* blogger award.  It comes at a good time, I'd say...seeing as how life is really, really good right now.  You should really go and check out Rain Drops, because she offers such an interesting perspective as a single woman living in India.  I love each and every post that comes from her blog.  Of course, this comes with some rules/directions...

Here's how this award thing works:

1. Thank and link back to the person that gave this award.

2. Answer the 10 survey questions below.

3. Pass the award along to other bloggers whom you think are fantastic.

4. Contact the bloggers you’ve picked to let them know about the award.

10 Survey Questions

1. If you blog anonymously, are you happy doing this? If you are not anonymous, do you wish that you had started out anonymously, so that you could be anonymous now?

Blog anonymously?  Uh...no.  Everything about my life is fair game.  I do, however, realize that while my life is an open book, not every one else's is, so if I'm talking about someone other than myself I use alias' (ie: Q, Mr. Ex, BFF, that sort of thing).  I'm very respectful of those whom desire privacy, even if I don't actually understand it.

2. Describe an incident that shows your inner stubborn side.

My whole life is evidence to this.  Me DO Myself, I've been saying this since I was two.  I don't need your help, I don't a man, I am WOMAN, hear me roar.  Sometimes I wish I weren't so...

3. What do you see when you really look at yourself in the mirror?

The zit on my chin, the eyebrows that need to be plucked, the matching moles on left and right, the small nose, the little chin, the roots.  And then I see some pretty blue eyes and a pleasant smile.  I see contentment.

4. What is your favorite summer cold drink?

Bellini

5. When you take time for yourself, what do you do?

Read a book, a fashion magazine, get a pedicure, blog, scrapbook.  Smile and think I'm pretty darn lucky!

6. Is there something that you still want to accomplish in your life? What is it?

I think it would be rather awesome to get married one day.  Other than that, I'm good.

7. When you attended school, were you the class clown, the class overachiever, the shy person, or always ditching?

Hahaha, I was the shy one.  Seriously was.  And the overachiever, although someone always overachieved just a little bit more than me.

8. If you close your eyes and want to visualize a very poignant moment in your life, what would you see?

Me screaming curse words at the top of my lungs as I pushed a 10lb 6oz baby out of my whoo hoo.  That moment and that baby boy changed everything in this world and made it infinitely better.

9. Is it easy for you to share your true self in your blog or are you more comfortable writing posts about other people or events?

ME, ME, ME...

10. If you had the choice to sit down and read a book or talk on the phone, which would you do and why?

I'm a multitasker.  I can read a book, talk on the phone and make dinner.  Although I'd prefer to read a book in bed under my duvet.

"Life is Good" Bloggers

Moo's Momma over at I Love You to the Moon Mommy - Another single momma in the midst of chaos, a  full time job, a beautiful little girl and a arse of an ex...sounds familiar, huh?

Melanie Sherman at Meanderings of Melanie Sherman - she found me early one and was my only follower that wasn't related to me, for a very very long time.  She encourages me, and she's a brilliant writer.  I'm her Canadian fan!

And really, I guess I have to follow/support a few more blogs that are little like me.  Most of the blogs I follow have 1200 + followers, so getting a little ol' award from little ol' me isn't probably as rewarding for them as it is for me.  So, these are my two this time around...

'Q'-isms

My little man is home sick with the stomach flu/head cold.  Poor kid, huh?  Stuck with both at the same time.  Poor little nose is a snot sieve right now.  It's really easy to tell when Q is sick, because he sits still.  Since before this kid was born, he's been moving.  The only time he'll sit still through a whole movie is if a) it's Wallace and Grommit or b) he's sick.

Poor little guy is at his Daddy's.  And when I say "poor little guy" I really mean "poor Mommy".  It sucks being a single momma with joint custody, especially when her child is sick.  What is a Mother's number one job if it isn't to nurse her sick child back to health?  I want to be the one with him right now, but my dumb job has me working, to you know...pay the rent and such. 

*sigh*

But here is a lil sick Q-ism for you.  I called him to see how he was doing...

Q:  Mommy, I didn't know you could throw up in the day time.

Me:  You didn't?  Why not?

Q:  Because I've never done it before.  I thought you could only throw up in the middle of the night.

Isn't he just sweet?  Scrumptious sweet?

Life Jackets Optional

My job.  What exactly is it that I do?  I mean, we all know I supervise...but what exactly does that mean? My employees ask me this all the time.  Of course, I know they're joking (ahem...at least that's what I tell myself...) geez those guys are so funny, they just crack me up!  But realistically, the employees in my area have over 300 years experience combined.  Who do I think I am to tell them what to do?  I've been in the area for almost two months now...

The other day, an employee *jokingly* asked me what I did.  All he sees (apparently) is me walking back and forth, smiling and chatting.  Yes, to the uneducated eye that may be what it looks like, but I look at it like this...

I'm the cruise director.  I'm the one who makes sure that you have what you need to keep yourself comfortable, that you're enjoying the ride, and that the boat doesn't leave without you.

I'm Julie McCoy from the Love Boat.

Unless there's a natural disaster or something...then I'm like the supervisor of the Chilean Miners...I'm the last one out, gotta make sure my peeps are safe.

My Love

I could bore you with stories about how fabulous my son is.  I could brag about what a genius he is.  I could tell you how he was born athletic.

Like today, for instance.  This kid, my kid, he scored two out of the three goals scored in the game.  This was a very, very good thing because they (the soccer people) were evaluating the boys today.  They were evaluating their skills and abilities so they can put them in divisions...you know, the good kids with the good kids, the so-so kids with the so-so kids and the smart-but-not-very-athletic kids with the smart-but-not-very-athletic kids. 

The thing is...they didn't give us any notice.  I go to get the coffees from the car, and I come back and they're wearing these blue pinafores with numbers on them.  If we had a little bit of notice, we could have practiced the tough parts, you know, like the scoring and stuff.  But we didn't know.  We didn't know. 

And this is a lot of pressure.  Not for the kids.  They didn't even know.  It's pressure for us parents.  I don't want them to think Q needs to be placed with the kids who pick their noses and run away from the ball (I was the latter, definitely not the former...) 

To top the whole thing off, they put Q in a pinafore without a number on it.  The coaches said that they had decided the blank one was considered #0.  Sure, give my kid a complex.  The whole game I'm yelling, "GO ZERO!!!!!!" and "WAY TO PASS, ZERO!!!" and "WOW, THAT KID ZERO IS AWESOME!!!!"  The parents were laughing at me, but in their heads, I know they were thinking that I'm the crazy, psycho soccer mom.  While I will admit that I did get a little angry that the little girl who never comes to practice was having an exceptionally successful jaunt today, I am certainly not crazy.  I just want what's best for my child, because let's face it...he is the best.  In my eyes anyways.

His spelling tests, by the way have been perfect.  Perfect!  In fact, he says that they are getting too easy.  Now, granted the words are like "an" and "fan" but I love that he's so eager to be challenged.  You know what I mean?  Reading?  It's almost there, just on the tip of his tongue.  It's so exciting to be a part of his learning experiences.

We just bought Yahtzee because he's getting a little sick of Monopoly (truth be told, I was sick of Monopoly like 6 months ago...)  The game is for ages 8 and up.  Q took about two games to figure it out and now he is a Yahtzee whiz kid.  He's like Rain Man without the Autism.  Not only has he grasped the concept of all the different  combinations, but he's adding the dice in his head.  I stare in amazement at how this little mind works and all its complexity. 

And then for Valentine's Day, my little man and I had a date.  We went to McDonald's and ate Big Mac's and giggled at funny jokes and talked about our day.  And he made me my very own Valentine's card.  He made it two days before and I had to walk around the house with my eyes closed, so I didn't ruin the surprise.  Then he hid it in his bedroom for the big day...



I'm not quite sure who Moy is, but boy is she ever  lucky!!



Sometimes I love him so much my chest actually hurts.  I want to cry with love for him.  It's indescribable the love I feel for him.  I'm the luckiest gal in the world.

i heart u

My thoughts lately have been about love, you know with Valentine's Day just around the corner.  I guess my thoughts are never far from love, it's just so much more pronounced when every where you look, you see hearts and flowers and pink and balloons with hearts and flowers and pink on them. 

I had a night to myself last night.  Little man was at a hockey game with his dad, and so I had a whole evening of *me* time.  This doesn't happen very often as I really like the time I get to spend with my Q and there isn't any way I'd rather spend my time than with him.  He's only young once and I feel like maybe if I watch him and study his features and his mannerisms and memorize every inch of him that it will all come back to me when he is a grown man.  I'll close my eyes when he has gone to college or is travelling the world, and I'll be able to see my little boy, and hear his little voice.

And then again, maybe I won't.  Maybe I'm freakin' my little guy out for nothing.  Haha...

Anyways, I had a night to myself.  I could do absolutely anything I wanted.  Guess what I decided to do...

I rented a couple of chick flicks and snuggled up on the couch and watched them by myself. 

I watched "Eat, Pray, Love".  The book was probably one of the most phenomenal reads ever for me.  Me and Liz...we're like total opposites.  The absolute last thing I ever want to do with my life is go to India and meditate for three months.  It's just not who I am, nor what I want.  The inspiring thing about this book/movie is watching a woman discover herself, heal from her past, and allow it to mold her into who she is and what she wants.  Of course, the movie and the book both end with her falling in love. 

The thing that gets me is that unlike all those romantic comedies that are created in Hollywood, this one is based on a true story.  The prince in Liz's fairy tale is real.  He comes with scars and wounds and imperfections of his own, but he exists.

I've been feeling, for the past two or so years as though this is my happy ending.  This is my fairly tale.  Not so much because it's the ending I've planned, but because it's the one I've ended up with.  I figure if this is what God has given me, then instead of being disgruntled and expecting more I should be happy with it and find all the joy I can from it. 

The one thing missing from my life is the one fundamental in every one else's life.  The phrase "When I get married..." has been replaced with "If I ever get married..."  Why is that?  I'm a fabulous person with a whole lot to offer.  I really, really am.  Why aren't men dropping at my feet, knocking down my door, begging me to spend my life with them?

But what if men were knocking on my door?  What if only one man was?  What would I do?  I'm this strong independent woman who values my alone time, my ability to make my own choices, my (mostly) financial stability.  What would happen if you add a man to this mix?  Would it be like mixing oil with water?  I don't need someone.  How do I need someone?  How do I let someone need me without seeing it as a weakness?

My biggest fear ever is that I will lose my independence all together of my own volition and completely immerse myself in mr. prince/perfect.  I'm afraid I will lose myself and become that clingy, needy woman who needs a man.  Where is that balance?  How do I find that?  These are all questions that I can't answer until I'm actually in a *relationship*, still it's something to worry about, right? 

Well, Happy Happy Valentine's Day, my loves.  Love who you're with, love who you are, love with all your heart.

Weighty Issues

I've not been very secretive about the fact that I've gained a whole lotta weight since quitting smoking *four* times in two years.  Usually, I don't have any issues with my body.  I mean, I'm no Victoria Secret Model...I'm lacking about 4 inches in height and that's not going to ever change, so you know, there's that.  But I like that I'm curvy and that I have hips, a waist and a nice rack (haha!!)  I think that my body is an amazing vessel that does incredible things.  For starters, my body pushed a 10lb 6oz baby with a 14in head attached to a 21in body out of a tiny little 10cm hole.  Then there's the whole thing my heart does - pumping blood through my veins, that's pretty spectacular.  It's incredible to me that every second of every day my body is creating new blood cells to replace all the old ones that have died off.  Also, It's pretty neat that I can walk.  I think that's awesome!!

If I were to have plastic surgery (which I never, ever would because I'm too afraid of the pain) the only thing that I'd really, really want is a bigger nose.  But I don't think that's the point of this post really, is it?

Lately when I bend over to tie my shoes (or even just put them on) I get winded.  I'm winding myself.  I weighed myself on this scale we have at work because I refuse to buy one (I'd be weighing myself every other minute) and I'm really hoping it was malfunctioning.  It read 122kg...that's like 268lbs.  That's like, um...obese for my height.  I quickly jumped off and jumped back on again, and evidently lost 82kg in three seconds, because this time I was only 40kg. 

We have this beautiful elliptical machine that I've been staring at for the past month.  It was quite the work out putting it together.  It's daunting, really.  Having to lose 20kg, that is.  Although, the elliptical is a little daunting too. 

Three days. 

I've been using the elliptical for three days now.  I die every time I get on it.  I'm starting out slow...baby, baby steps.  Today I went for 20 minutes, walked (ellipted?) 6 kilometers and burned 200 calories.  And I feel good.  I feel really good.  I feel like I want to do it again tomorrow and the next day and the next day. 

The only problem is that it tells me how many calories I've burned.  That means I look at a chocolate bar and think, "I can't eat that.  That will take 20 minutes to burn off.  Is it worth 20 minutes??"  So maybe it's not so much a problem as a reminder...a reminder that I can't eat that piece of cake or that pastry or that chocolate bar.

I keep looking in the mirror, trying to see if I've lost any weight.  Trying on my jeans, trying to see if there's an inch movement.  I mean, it's been three whole days.  I should start to see changes after three whole days.  Q say he can "definitely" tell that I've lost weight.  The kid is so good, I should seriously consider paying him for his efforts!  He also tells me that I'm doing really well and refills my water bottle for me.  His encouragement is appreciated, especially around the 18 minute mark.  It's totally genuine too. 

The struggle continues...

Stoppin' on a Dime

Okay, so remember the fabulous rush I got a while back (here) when I spent ridiculous amounts of money on my new iPhone 4?  Remember how my heart pounded with excitement?  Remember how I thought, "I don't ever have to get married, I just have to buy really expensive things!!!" 

Well, today I also had the opportunity to spend exorbitant amounts of money. 

It's not as much fun buying brakes and rotors for your car.  And it's really not fun when the total is $343.00.  My heart did beat extra fast, but it wasn't in a "OMGoodness, this is so exciting!!!!"  It was more of a "whooooo boy, I hope I have enough money for groceries when this is over."

Of course, I really cannot deny that those brakes are damn fine.  I mean, they stop like nobody's business.  So, I guess that's a good thing.  And I must say that it's really quite nice to be able to drive over 60kph and not have the steering wheel shake so bad my whole dash board rattles.  To be honest, it crossed my mind that a tire might just *pop* off on the highway whilst driving to work.  But guess what...none of this will ever happen in the next couple of years (God willing) because I have new brakes and air in my tires. 

Well, I'm prettty sure that I have air in my tires...I assume that's part of a tune up. 

Anyone Got Some Will Power?

I've decided to be more responsible with my finances.  It's not just one thing that's convinced me I'm overdue (pardon the pun!  Sometimes I am so witty, and not even on purpose!!!) rather an accumulation of different factors that have led me to this oh so difficult realization.

1.  I've gained an additional 10lbs from this round of "quitting smoking".  I use the quotation fingers (all the time, really...one time Q asked why I always did that funny thing with my fingers when I talked...) because the whole "let's quit smoking and gain a whole bunch of weight instead" thing is getting really old.  I think I've been smoke free for almost 4 months now.  I can't really remember when I quit  because it just sort of happened, I didn't make a huge ceremony of it because it gave my addiction too much power...so I think it's been about 4 months.  In the two years and four times I've quit, I've gained about 40 (gasp!) pounds.  Spending any amount of money on clothes when I am this size makes absolutely no sense because I do not intend to be this size for very much longer.  No clothes for me until I lose 30lbs.  I know.  Boring. About the only thing I can buy to wear is flowers for my hair.  And so, I've got lots of purdy things to wear in my hair.

 2.  I have enough make-up to make a drag queen jealous  And I tell you that because I have every imaginable colour of eye shadow.  I have it in cream, in powder, in liquid.  I have it in pink and purple and blue.  I have sparkles and mattes, glitter and glam.  Whatever you want, I have.  I have make up some people haven't even heard of.  So, I said to myself..."Dude.  No more make up until you use some of the stuff you already have."  I like listening to myself, because I think I'm pretty super smart....so...after I bought this...

Million Lashes from L'Oreal, I decided to buy no more.  Actually, I had decided to not buy any more before I bought this, but it was on sale for half price and how can anyone resist a million lashes?  Certainly not me.  Damn those marketing geniuses.

3.  I like spending my money on *FUN* things...but once every so often practicality and the desire to stay alive wins out over fun.  I'm all for women's rights and liberation (I mean, I can fix the toilet and put together an elliptical) but some jobs are meant for a man.  Two specifically:  Taking out the garbage and fixing cars.  If it weren't for the fact that if I don't get the oil changed, my car won't actually work...I probably wouldn't get it done.  I just forget.  It's not a priority for me.  Neither, for that matter, are getting the brakes changed.  I mean, the car still stops, doesn't it?  Why would I need to get new ones?  And there are brakes on the front and the back, so we're good if the front ones go, cuz I got some back up...ya know?  And if all else fails, there's the car in front of me...it's got brakes, right?  Anyways, this week I've got to get my brakes done and my rotors replaced.  It makes me want to puke that I have drop that much cash on something that doesn't sparkle on my finger.  Whatever...brakes are important, I guess.

4.  I've gained enough weight that my feet have grown a size and a half.  Well, that's the only explanation I can come up with.  Either that or feet, nose and ears keep growing til we die.  I've gone from a size 6 1/2 to a size 8.  What is up with that?  I like pretty little dainty feet...not clod hoppers (hahaha...).  So, I can't even really buy shoes.  Except that I saw these,

...and I just couldn't resist.  Now, I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking, "Geez, she couldn't even make her bed before she took the picture?"  But, if you look a little closer, you will see the most adorable little kitten heel...and they're boots!  And they're waterproof.  Hello, match made in heaven!!!  I live in the rain capital of the world!!!!  And they're made in Canada, so I'm supporting the local economy.  Not to mention, I can wear them with absolutely anything.  And they were on sale...$34, down from $90, down from $240.

So, anyways...no more purchases for me. 

At least not until something else catches my eye...

No.

In all seriousness...I really need to cut back my spending.  My credit cards are maxed.  My bank account is taxed.  I live pay check to pay check.  My new iPhone app has shown me that I need to budget just a little better.  Let's go through this little journey together, shall we?